TecheyTim · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Latham, United States

No joking allowed

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' prank on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 551 You deserved it 12 083

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Anonymous · 1 April 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Go on, gis a job, I can do that

Today, my parents are mad because I turned down a job. It offered below minimum wage to work 12-hour shifts, six days a week, and the list of benefits was less than the occupational hazards. When I showed them what McDonald's was paying and their benefits in comparison, they accused me of being lazy and entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 600 You deserved it 122

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Andrew · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Canada

Keynote

Today, there was a meeting at work, during which I had to give a presentation to my boss and other attendants. The first subject I had to tackle was how my 5 year-old son got to my briefcase and replaced its contents with some crayons and a fluffy teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 505 You deserved it 5 608

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·United Kingdom

Trigger warning

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating, and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of "setting her off", when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks." All I did was say the word "abortion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 369 You deserved it 6 609

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Anonymous · 14 March 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Corporate shenanigans

Today, I was fired from my job because I called out my supervisor for withholding my W-2s (wage and tax statements). I know full well it's a retaliatory action. However, the store manager is ducking all my calls when I try to report it. I can't afford a lawyer, especially when the company is a multi-billion dollar brand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 126

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Anonymous · 13 March 2024, 09:00 ·Arcadia, United States

Too late

Today, I worked my two jobs. During my first job, my mom took my car to LA and was late coming back. On my way to my second job, as soon as I got off the freeway the exit to my job was closed due to a protest for Palestine. If you want to protest, at least do it on a day when I don't have to work my second job, please. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494 You deserved it 190

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Anonymous · 13 March 2024, 06:00 ·United States

Snarky

Today, we are severely understaffed, and I'm very often the only person working my shift. There's a yuppie who comes in and complains when we have to pause service due to shift change. He does this every day, and I'd had enough, so I slid him an application ,and told him to fill it out, wait, or leave. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564 You deserved it 156

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Traumatized · 13 March 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Nightmare fuel

Today, at my job as a hotel housekeeper, I accidentally entered the room of someone who hadn't left yet. To my horror, the man inside was having a massive heart attack. I just found out he passed away, despite immediate medical intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752 You deserved it 96

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Anonymous · 12 March 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Awkward conversation ahead

Today, as a tax preparer, I had to deliver the bad news that a lady owed a very large sum in taxes. I even had my supervisor check my work as this was serious. Apparently she has been claiming exemptions she doesn't qualify for for years by going to another local tax office that closed down last year, due to fraud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548 You deserved it 82

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Anonymous · 12 March 2024, 09:00 ·United States

Extreme pooping

Today, while I was pooping on company time, a little constipated, I saw a spider full speed running towards me, as I’m mid grunt. This makes my asshole slam shut and set my feet flailing to stomp it before it got any closer. Now I have heart palpitations and I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211 You deserved it 485

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

What ARE you doing?

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 381 You deserved it 1 541

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ADayAtATime · 10 March 2024, 00:00 ·Australia

Long list of grievances

Today, I had to sit and listen as a customer explained to me how we are all being controlled by chemtrails, how all the rich people are ruling the world from underground bunkers, how Michelle Obama is a man, how COVID was a hoax, and that the world is flat. I hate being in customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588 You deserved it 147

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Anonymous · 9 March 2024, 14:00 ·United States

This is why I left home

Today, I was asked to stay at my parents' house for a week while my mom stays with my dying grandfather. Dad greeted me with a whole list of chores to do every day when I'm not at work, and won't even so much as let me use my laptop when I'm not busy. He does nothing but waste money on eBay all day and doesn't help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545 You deserved it 128

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Anonymous · 9 March 2024, 12:00 ·Sanaa, Yemen

Mr Motivator

Today, I found that my medical school has lost its WFME (World Federation for Medical Education) accreditation and my certificate (that I should be obtaining in two years) will be worthless. To pour salt into the wound, I have finals next week and it's hard to stay motivated after this kind of news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596 You deserved it 87

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Anonymous · 8 March 2024, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

Today, at work, our new chef managed to start a grease fire. We couldn’t put it out because he managed to splash the flaming grease onto the fire extinguisher. Yes, we couldn’t put out a fire because our fire extinguisher was on fire. The fire department guys just laughed and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573 You deserved it 114

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lonelyharts86 · This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff ·Toronto, Canada

That escalated quickly

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I was offered coffee and a donut. It was going well until I took a bite of the donut and started choking on it. I coughed so hard I ended up vomiting into his garbage can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 283 You deserved it 3 908

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Anonymous · 8 March 2024, 00:00 ·United States

Simmer down

Today, I got yelled at by my mother for making noise after midnight. What was the noise? The microwave as I made something to eat. I work the night shift and had just come home from work, and I'm the only person in this house with a job. Apparently, me not paying her overdue bills cancels that out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572 You deserved it 103

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Greenskies · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Corneilla-del-vercol, France

Unnerved

Today, I was talking to my boss at the end of an awesome internship. He said he was really satisfied with my work, and that he had considered hiring me. Turns out he decided not to because I smile too much, and it freaks him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 007 You deserved it 2 014

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Anonymous · 6 March 2024, 14:00 ·United States

Exploitation

Today, my boss sprang a company workshop on us that I was not informed of, which kept me at work until 10 PM. He expected us all back at 8 AM the next day to continue. On a good day it takes me 3 hours to commute. I got written up for being 10 minutes late to the workshop, after getting up at 4 AM to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624 You deserved it 127

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pissedexworker · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

No excuses

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 562 You deserved it 2 504

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Anonymous · 4 March 2024, 22:00 ·United States

Workplace etiquette

Today, my new boss sat me down and told me he's seriously reconsidering my hire, all because I greeted him with, "Howdy, boss!" instead of, "Good morning, sir." Apparently this indicates a lack of respect for his authority. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435 You deserved it 490

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xmeatballx21 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

Manager of the year

Today, I received a phone call from my old boss asking me why I wasn't at work, to which I responded, "Because you fired me yesterday." He didn't say anything, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 995 You deserved it 3 512

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Quicky5_ · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Jasper, United States

Deflection

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960 You deserved it 2 615

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Anonymous · 3 March 2024, 12:00 ·Sparrows Point, United States

Money ain't everything

Today, I found out my husband's new income since leaving his old job. He decided to leave a $130,000 job for a $47,000 job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385 You deserved it 487

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Jane · 2 March 2024, 12:00 ·Switzerland

Forgetful

Today, I woke up unusually early for an appointment and got ready real quick. Only after passing the front door did I realize I had forgotten my sleeping baby inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387 You deserved it 319

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unemployable · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Hard no

Today, I had an important job interview. The interviewer really seemed to like me. Instead of hiring me, he asked me out on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321 You deserved it 3 590

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Anonymous · 1 March 2024, 22:00 ·Dallas, United States

Thanks for the support

Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467 You deserved it 191

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IStillHaveMy8hrShiftToGo · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Beaverton, United States

Company time

Today, I came in to work early at a restaurant to help out. I stocked, baked pies for the next day, cleaned and set over 50 tables, and vacuumed the entire two stories. When I went to send an order for the first customer of mine, I realized I hadn't even clocked on. Four and half hours of work wasted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 790 You deserved it 10 942

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Oof · 27 February 2024, 22:00 ·United States

What's in a name?

Today, I introduced my coworker to my friend's boyfriend. When I mentioned his name, she started crying. Apparently he has the same first name as her twin brother, who died shortly after birth, so that name has become a bit of a sore spot for her. I didn't even know she had a twin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550 You deserved it 104

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Conflicted · 27 February 2024, 12:00 ·United States

That's no excuse

Today, my boss's ADHD son was suspended from school. It was a misunderstanding, but the school won't listen, so now my boss has to take him to work. She gets very short-tempered when he's around because, quite frankly, he's extremely annoying and disruptive, even for a kid with ADHD. It's gonna be a long week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516 You deserved it 123

1 comment Share