Today, I found out my debit card information has been compromised and that someone in San Jose, CA has completely drained my bank account. Joke's on them though. I was already broke as fuck. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been stealing from me to pay for Scientology courses. FML
Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML
Today, my boyfriend had always told me that his mom was dead. Apparently he just meant she’s dead to him. She’s actually a con artist. I just met her for the first time, after learning she impersonated me, stole my savings, ran up credit card debt, and bought 3 cars. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been flirting with at work. Some coworkers had discreetly warned me about him, but I thought he was cute. We get to the date, and after an hour of small talk, he spent the next two hours trying to get me to invest in his crypto coin thing that "is definitely going to be huge." FML
Today, I thought I saw a $100 bill in the bushes. It was, in fact, just a cleverly folded pamphlet for some church or something. I spent 10 minutes digging through leaves for nothing. FML
Today, I found out that my boyfriend lost a bunch of money by buying some scam cryto crap linked to that "Hawk tuah" girl. Easiest break-up ever. FML
Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML
Today, my estranged wife threatened to slit her wrist with a razor blade if I did not send her $50,000. She sent me a picture of her pressing a Gillette Safety razor to her wrist. It looked like she was getting ready to shave her perpetually hairy arms. She never was the sharpest knife in the drawer. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 4 weeks tried to use sex to manipulate me. After sex, I was blissful and half asleep, which is the time she chose to tell me she has some credit card debt and could I please help her pay it off. £27,000. Yeah, no. Don’t let the door hit you on the way back to the street. FML
Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML
Today, I discovered that the man I have been talking to on a dating site is actually my ex-boyfriend. He created a fake profile and made me fall for someone that doesn't exist. We got on better anonymously than we ever did in 3 years together. FML
Today, I found out that my husband is an undercover crypto/NFT dipshit. I found this out when I looked at our joint account to find he had transferred a hell of a lot of actual money to some sort of BTC account with a dumb name. He now claims it's "the future", and I just "don't understand." FML
Today, and for the past 2 years, my aunt has owed me money. She just admitted that she fell for a scam, and gave the scammer more than double the amount I'd loaned her. I felt bad for her… until I realized something. When I asked how she had it to give to them, but not to pay me back, she got mad and hung up on me. FML
Today, I spent way too long battling a vending machine that ate my dollar but didn’t give me my snack. After shaking it, kicking it, and practically hugging it, I finally gave up. As I walked away in defeat, it dropped the snack. I rushed back to claim my prize… and the janitor grabbed it before I could. FML
Today, I went to a pain specialist to get help with my chronic pain. He did not diagnose anything or discuss causes. He then said, "Good luck with that" as I left. Of course, I still got billed. FML
Today, I found out I will possibly not be able to take my RCM 10 because one song doesn’t qualify. I have worked towards it for 3 years. I then got harassed on the subway. Then I fell for the taxi cab scam by a 12 year-old out of stress and had to cancel my credit card. Oh, and I have a test at 9 a.m. tomorrow morning. FML
Today, after I lost $5000 in crypto yesterday, I'm now down about $150k total since the start of the year. I just deployed more and bought $FML to make up for the losses. Hopefully it’ll happen. FML
Today, I got an inheritance, so I was planning to put most of it in savings, and maybe buy two new cars. Alas, my wife instead decided we really needed to pay off the secret credit card debt she’s been hiding from me. Not only is the inheritance gone but so is an additional 3 grand from our savings. FML
Today, despite warning my mother repeatedly about scammers, I got home to her on the phone giving her bank details to someone for security purposes. I grabbed the phone and hung up, and now she’s mad at me because he sounded like such a "nice honest man" and I was very rude to him. FML
Today, the asshole who I paid to send me weekly diet plans thinks I'm weird because I'm asking him to send them on time. He claims he "has a life." WTF? Arrogant! I paid for this service that he's giving poorly. He even sends the same plan every week and just changes the file date. FML
Today, after being slammed with an unexpected ER visit, a $1000 vet bill, and my roommate moving out with 36 hours notice, all in the same month, I just barely had enough money to cover rent. Then a subscription I didn't know I had charged me $310 with zero communication. They won't give my money back. Fuck you, Noom. FML
Today, I found out that the drop dead gorgeous fun bubbly woman I hit it off with is actually a disgusting, scheming whore who seduces married men, then blackmails them for money. I can’t afford to pay her, nor can I afford my wife to find out. I’m screwed. FML
Today, I discovered my girlfriend stealing from my bank account. She thought she was smart by disguising her transfers as 'GAS BILL' or 'NETFLIX BILL'. Um, Netflix doesn’t cost £100 a month, and BILL is spelt with two Ls, not three. Reported for fraud; got my money back; single again. FML
Today, I bought a used car from a private dealer my parents had recommended. On my way home they called to tell me that their car broke down. They bought it last week from the same guy. FML
Today, I learned that the cancer patient in a foreign country I sent money too from an ad on TikTok was a deepfake AI used by scammers. I thought I'd actually helped someone. FML
Today, I was tempted into clicking a shady link with the promise of free MP3s of De La Soul’s first four albums, with all the original samples. Long story short, I had to do a system restore on my laptop. Now it won’t play audio files for some inexplicable reason. FML
Today, our company got hacked. Our secretary fell for someone badly impersonating the head of customer service and sent them a full list of employee information from one of our new clients. The boss wants to blame us in IT for not training her on how to avoid this. He fell for a phishing attack last week. FML
Today, I confronted my ex-employer about the money he owes me. He'd said he would pay me $3000. He asked me if I had it in writing. I said no. He said, “Well, too bad for you. No leg to stand on.” Then, in a cringey Indian accent, “Thank you, come again!” and slammed the door in my face. FML
Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me, just because he found out I scam people for money on the internet. FML
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