Roommate

Hypocrisy

By Anonymous - 02/05/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my roommate raged at me for "lying" about being a vegetarian, because she saw chicken stored in my side of the fridge. That chicken isn't for me, it's an ingredient in the homemade food I make for my dogs. Apparently, serving my dogs real meat instead of forcing them into vegetarianism makes me a hypocrite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 138

You deserved it 215

Considerate

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 16:00

Today, my roommate constantly heckles me for using too much water, but I’m super allergic to Gain laundry detergent and any softener, which she uses a ton of. She’s the reason why I have to run an extra load of laundry every week to clean out the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 106

No way

By Adam curran - 24/04/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate expected me to help them buy them car, or loan them some money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 115

Who?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate, asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 654

You deserved it 1 814

You know what I mean?

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 22:00

Today, I accidentally texted my new housemate saying, “Hey, wanna get freaky before moving in tomorrow morning?” It was supposed to say “breaky”, as in "breakfast." This should be nice and awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 838

No, you don't

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 13:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found actual poop inside the washing machine. Gotta love roommates… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 102

Sobering

By Anonymous - 23/02/2022 02:59

Today, I drank half a bottle of tequila and had an edible within 30 minutes. I couldn't remember a thing until this morning when my roommates told me I pissed myself on the couch, projectile vomited in the living room, and went on to fondle my roommates, who also had to help me shower. I have a designated seat on the couch now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 973

Fuzzy logic

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 14:00

Today, I arrived home and it was freezing. I asked why the windows and doors on the terrace were open and my roommate told me it was because she'd mopped the floor… on the terrace. The terrace that's outdoors. She thinks that this way the floor would dry faster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 104

Get out

By okay17 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 935

You deserved it 5 230

Bad diet

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 11:01 - United States - Verona

Today, my roommate stunk up the entire floor again with his rancid bathroom trips from spicy foods so much that I ended up wearing a t-shirt over my nose just to play video games in my own room. He gets offended when I tell him to open the bathroom window to vent it out. If only I owned my own home… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 139

Coinkydink

By Anonymous - 21/01/2022 08:01 - Belgium - Roeselare

Today, my roommate told me he was bringing home his new girlfriend. When the arrived, he introduced me to… my longtime crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 349

You deserved it 214

Greased lightning

By NotMyFootprints - 20/01/2022 08:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my housemate whined at me for tracking dirt into the house, saying how she shouldn't have to mop the floor after me, and that we have a doormat for a reason. She'd have a point, except I always walk barefoot indoors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 154

Annoyed

By sparkle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that my roommate uses her Twitter account to complain about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 485

You deserved it 5 993

Oversharing while drunk? Nah

By Anonymous - 23/12/2021 08:01

Today, after my roommate and I, as well as our significant others, had some drinks, then we started listing off/counting our past sexual partners. It got to a point where his girlfriend and I both had multipliers of 10 times that of our partners. They kicked us both out, and she didn’t offer me a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 1 350

Secret life

By FroggyGirl888 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommates thought I wasn't home and started talking about me. Apparently I'm a lesbian, devil worshiper, and an alcoholic. I didn't know my life was so fascinating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 283

You deserved it 3 377

Dishwasher pod challenged

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 23:00

Today, after submitting a work order to our landlord due to our dishwasher being “broken”, my roommate and I found out there is a wrong way to put dishwasher pods in. We’re both 25 and have gone our whole lives not knowing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 880

Priorities

By About2bhomeless - 09/11/2021 11:01

Today, my roommate and I received a non-payment notice from our landlord, over a dishonored check that was used to pay the rent. I give my roommate money for my share and she handles the checks. Apparently, her trip to Puerto Rico was more important than paying rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 580

You deserved it 188

Addicted to the anticipation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 07:59 - United States - Verona

Today, as every day for the past three weeks, I had to hear my housemate complain about an order being delayed. The last couple of orders took two months to arrive, and she decided to order yet again from that company, so she checks daily and I have to hear about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 140

I Want You (She's So Heavy)

By Anonymous - 31/10/2021 14:00

Today, my flatmate has gotten so obese that she's breaking through the solid wood floors just by walking barefoot. She refuses to diet, and we're never getting our deposit back on this place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 135

Not helping

By StillUnemployed - 11/10/2021 20:00

Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 215

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 316

Creepy roommates #56

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 23:00

Today, I awoke to a strange feeling on my feet. It felt like a tongue, so at first thought it was the dog, but we don't have one. I looked down and it was my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 279

You deserved it 90

Rampage

By emmalou - 16/09/2021 08:01

Today, my roommate is rampaging in the house at 1:00 a.m. because her stuff was moved out of the pantry for the new person, after being asked several times to move it herself. Apparently, she didn't see the text message heads-up, because she refuses to use her phone as a source of connection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 131

Not cool, not at all

By dammed - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a text from my roommate asking me if it was cool that my ex was coming over to console him because he's sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 601

You deserved it 2 197

Drugs are bad

By Mike Capobianco - 22/08/2021 02:01

Today, I came home to to find my roommate spinning on a computer chair, shitting everywhere. He'd taken Peyote. Now the whole place smells of poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 85

Storage wars

By Will - 19/08/2021 08:02

Today, I went without my phone all day, because my roommate moved it. Because I'd left it in the fridge. On top of a bucket of KFC. Which he ate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 903

Knock knock

By iHateMyRoommate - 28/07/2021 11:59 - United States - Loveland

Today, I had to tell an adult man that, even though he’s friends with my roommate and the door is unlocked, he should definitely wait until someone answers the door before letting himself in. I almost shot him because he was rooting through my shit looking for his phone he'd "lost". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 184

You deserved it 126

SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE!

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 14:00 - United States - Verona

Today, it was one of those days when my housemates thinks they can bug me every five minutes when I'm trying to work from home. Doing this or talking about that, wrecking my train of thought on complicated work until it's a railyard of disaster. Is it five o'clock yet? FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 127

Do it yourself, then

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 20:00

Today, my roommate said that whoever was doing the dishes was doing it wrong. I've been doing the dishes for weeks. So much for being a clean roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 861

You deserved it 147

Class dismissed

By Anonymous - 27/05/2021 08:01

Today, I was watching porn with no headphones, because my roommate had left for work. He didn’t fill me in that his girlfriend was, one, even over at our place, and two was using the room next to me to teach her third grade class. Yeah. I’m going to get headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 1 179

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 1 719

Today, the day before I was supposed to go back to work after I got sick, ended up in the hospital, and primary doctor put me on medical leave, I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 95

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 094

You deserved it 12 608

Today, my long time girlfriend flew across the country to visit. My asshat roommate decided to introduce himself to her while I was in the bathroom. She left and won't answer my calls. He won't tell me what he said to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 267

You deserved it 1 763

Today, I slept with this new guy for the first time. After sex, he said the doggie style position was fun, it made him wonder what it would be like to rape a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 240

You deserved it 6 329

Today, my sister and I got a room in the attic of an old hotel, while our parents got a room several floors down. We discovered the room was full of bugs. Our parents didn't believe us, so we brought them some as proof. They told us to get over it. We can't sleep. We've killed 50 and counting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 113

You deserved it 197