Every time I date a retail chick · 21 August 2022, 22:00 ·Federal Way, United States

Sussy baka

Today, I learned that while I respectfully distanced myself from my female friends in the last two years of dating my girlfriend, as per her request, she has been making loads of new male friends on her "backup Snapchat." This includes guys from her work, or guys her girlfriends bring around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106 You deserved it 319

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Fiesta · 17 August 2022, 10:00 ·United States

Dirty dancing

Today, we were at a wedding reception. I had to explain to my husband why it’s inappropriate for another woman to dance with her butt gyrating on his crotch. He insists it was “harmless dancing” and to stop being a “party pooper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003 You deserved it 214

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Anonymous · 16 August 2022, 16:00

How could you?

Today, my girlfriend punched me in the back of the neck because I was talking to a woman online. It was a public Call Of Duty match, I have no control over who I play with, plus I wasn’t even talking specifically to whoever this woman was, just to the people in general like all COD players. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 13 July 2022, 06:00

Drumming up business

Today, I was reported for mortgage fraud. The reason? A distant cousin wanted to congratulate me on my new home, but she was upset that I didn’t go through the lender she works for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054 You deserved it 114

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Anonymous · 22 June 2022, 16:00

Teenage jealousy

Today, we missed our flights to our dream honeymoon destination, which we were lucky to get with so many flight cancellations, because my selfish stepdaughter anonymously called the airline to report us for drug smuggling, all because I married her dad this afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215 You deserved it 996

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Anonymous · 8 June 2022, 18:00 ·United States

No happiness for you

Today, my ex had a freakout because she found out I have a new girlfriend. She doesn't want me back or anything, she herself has a new boyfriend. Her issue is she just doesn't want to see me happy with someone else. Apparently, I'm supposed to just stop existing now that she's done with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051 You deserved it 143

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Gina Marie Lombardi · 15 April 2022, 06:00

Boundaries and jealous

Today, I got a text from my friend of 8 years, who I talked to everyday, saying he isn’t allowed to talk to me anymore because the junkie girl he is dating doesn’t want him to talk to other girls. I’m happily married, but she doesn’t like any of his friends who are girls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246 You deserved it 137

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is that jealousy I detect ? · 24 February 2022, 17:59

Bitchy family

Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200 You deserved it 131

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Home Alone 33 · 24 February 2022, 14:00

Policy of truth

Today, after two months of being apart from my wife of five years, who'd returned to Panama to deal with a family issue, she innocently slips into conversation that she’s been hanging out with her high school boyfriend. When challenged, she responded, “You get to see me all the time!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 944 You deserved it 114

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MomIsJelly · 23 February 2022, 04:00 ·Staten Island, United States

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 264 You deserved it 160

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Anonymous · 15 February 2022, 16:00

Paranoid

Today, my wife tried to forbid me from going to the gym anymore because in public she looks fat stood next to me and it’s embarrassing. She picked me up from the gym yesterday and saw all the “thin gym sluts” I prefer to spend my time with instead of her. God, I’m sick of her lazy jealous BS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315 You deserved it 329

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Anonymous · 9 February 2022, 13:59

Life choices

Today, after I used to look down on my brother for being a nerd, he now creates computer software for a living making megabucks. Meanwhile, I deliver lorry loads of gravel and cement to building sites for minimum wage, one step above breaking rocks for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223 You deserved it 1 889

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nabru · 14 January 2022, 14:01 ·Itapema, Brazil

Depends which one

Today, I woke up at 4 a.m. to study and do homework, then worked for 8 hours, then went to the gym, and finally went home to study even more. Then I realized I'll never make as much money or be as cool as a YouTube celebrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912 You deserved it 314

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Owie · 12 January 2022, 17:00

Can't have friends

Today, my boyfriend and I were taking a stroll when I was mugged at knife point. My boyfriend did nothing and just stood there while the mugger took my purse and cellphone. His reason? The other day, I'd "disrespected" him by “texting another guy.” I’d texted the guy, “Happy birthday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803 You deserved it 338

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torri · 9 January 2022, 11:01 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Don't have fun without me

Today, on my friend's birthday, I met a guy I really liked at a club, and he asked me to go home with him. At 2 a.m., my friend called but I missed her calls. When I woke up, she'd texted me pictures of all my things that I had at her place thrown outside in the snow. All because I didn’t go home with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669 You deserved it 1 296

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ForgottenAgain · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Aren't you forgetting someone?

Today, my boyfriend sat me down to reassure me that his competitive, possessive ex-wife will not come between us or ruin our relationship. Mid-conversation, his phone rang. It was her, and he left to answer it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 347 You deserved it 4 077

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Anonymous · 11 December 2021, 17:02 🌶️ Spicy

Young love

Today, I walked in on my son having sex with his girlfriend. An hour later, I did it again and got quite annoyed, and yelled at them for having sex again. He said, "What do you mean again? We haven’t finished yet." My son has been having sex for over an hour. Man, do I feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 547 You deserved it 2 177

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ChrisBak · 24 November 2021, 14:02

Wild thing

Today, my wife keyed my car and spilled wine on the seats because she saw I commented on a female friend’s picture on Facebook. I told her how repairs are gonna be expensive, and she responded, “You should have thought about that before complimenting other bitches on Facebook!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 302 You deserved it 456

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JennyPenny · 23 November 2021, 02:01

Just good friends

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years never posts me on his Facebook, yet his girl “bestie” is always on his tags, comments, etc. He recently went to a party and put a picture of them two as his profile picture. He’s confused as to why I’m upset, and thinks I’m “overreacting.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366 You deserved it 207

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Anonymous · 21 November 2021, 04:58 ·United States

Be more jealous!

Today, my boyfriend was telling me a story about his ex-wife. Just normal day-to-day stuff. He then got mad at me because I wasn’t mad that he was talking about his ex. I told him that I understood he had a life before me, and it wasn’t a big deal. Apparently, he wants a jealous immature brat. Sorry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401 You deserved it 140

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Anonymous · 15 November 2021, 01:59

Strange dynamic

Today, my husband has been texting women to see if he can go out on a date with one of them, just because I’ve befriended his friend and apparently, the movie and food I got with the friend was a first date, so now he wants to get even. FML

I agree, your life sucks 730 You deserved it 2 363

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Anonymous · 9 November 2021, 05:00

Assumptions

Today, I found out my boyfriend added his ex on Facebook and Instagram, all within a few days. Lucky me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920 You deserved it 175

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Anonymous · 7 November 2021, 13:59 🌶️ Spicy

Inappropriate question

Today, my new boyfriend asked to know the penis size of every other guy I’ve been with. There are a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245 You deserved it 959

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Anonymous · 25 October 2021, 23:00

The "He's probably thinking of other girls" meme *gone wrong*

Today, my insomnia got so bad that I became convinced my husband was having an affair in our bed right next to me. I punched him so hard in the shoulder that he awoke from a sound sleep, farted, and then shook it off and went back to sleep unfazed. I'm so jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430 You deserved it 1 444

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Anonymous · 30 September 2021, 08:00 ·Australia

What a catch

Today, rather than get me a birthday present, my boyfriend just got angry that I got gifts from other people. Apparently, it "made him feel guilty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221 You deserved it 110

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Partypoooped · 23 September 2021, 01:59

No plus ones

Today, I invited my best friend of 15 years to my birthday party. He wants to bring his girlfriend of a year along, because she feels "threatened" by our friendship, and thinks "He’ll cheat." I'd already put the deposit for the venue and it costs $50 per additional guest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879 You deserved it 339

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PartyPoop · 28 August 2021, 02:00

Revealed

Today, at my gender reveal party, my daughter threw a huge temper tantrum and knocked over tables and chairs screaming, “Fuck this shit!” when the reveal came out pink. She’s five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436 You deserved it 1 282

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mala_19 · 18 August 2021, 02:00 ·Skellefteå, Sweden

Gratitude walks

Today, my 11 month-old son stopped saying mom and started saying dad. He already looks exactly like him. I can't help but feel jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722 You deserved it 302

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wtf babe?! · 10 August 2021, 22:01

Run away, fast

Today, even though we were together every day of quarantine, now that I’m working my boyfriend has become a completely different person. He’s now jealous, insecure and makes wild accusations. He’s called and showed up to my new job so many times the managers are threatening to let me go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137 You deserved it 156

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Hailie · 14 July 2021, 20:01

Sweet Sixteen

Today, it was my Sweet 16. My cousin threw a tantrum in the middle of it. She popped balloons, threw chairs around, and threw my gifts off the balcony. Reason being, she turned 16 last year and didn’t get a party. She perhaps forgot that last year we were in a pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155 You deserved it 165

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