Healthy Lifestyle

Dream baby dream

By lani - 24/05/2021 00:00

Today, and since I decided to cut back on unhealthy foods, my last five dreams were literally just slideshows of junk food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 137

New life

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:04 - Germany

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 200

Food ****

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 22:01

Today, I decided to start eating healthier, so I had fruit and yoghurt for breakfast and a chicken salad for lunch. My stomach violently rejected both meals in a fountain of vomit. I later ate a giant McDonald’s meal with no issue, and felt loads better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 352

Lost

By Anonymous - 06/06/2025 20:00 - Canada

Today, I walked into the gym in my new workout outfit and headed straight for the weight machines. After 10 minutes, a staff member tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Sir, this is a physical therapy clinic.” The gym was next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 467

Pay no mind

By Jlhfan90 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 223

You deserved it 19 480

Not the time or the place

By Lauren - 13/07/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I built up the courage to approach my gym crush. I walked over, smiled, and said, "You smell amazing." I meant to say he looked amazing. He faintly smiled, then slowly went back to the rowing machines without saying a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 345

Source?

By Yudith - 11/03/2024 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I can't drink coffee anymore due to its turbo-diarrhea effect on me. I also have to take something with caffeine everyday or I will have a migraine, so I drink Diet Coke. Today, I saw on TV that even two cans of soda a week erase the heart health gains made during exercise. Goodbye, healthy hearth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 258

Tough choices

By Anonymous - 06/12/2023 03:00 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, I was told by my doctor that I could keep taking my Rheumatoid Arthritis meds and be severely depressed, or go off of them, possibly not be depressed, but be in extreme pain. I’m deciding between my mental health and physical health and I hate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 115

The wrong end of the stick

By poodlesoup - 22/12/2020 04:58 - United States

Today, I actually feel good about my decisions and my life. I've even started running to improve my health, and recover from self harming. My girlfriend is convinced I'm running to hurt myself, and won't let me near any health food or the treadmill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 120

Going like the clappers

By Anonymous - 03/12/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, my family has been unsuccessfully trying to stop my sister's energy drink addiction. She's not even 30, but the doctors say her heart health (or lack thereof) is roughly equivalent to a person over twice her age. She probably won't even live to 40 at this rate, which makes us sad. Why won't she listen to us? FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 101

Inspiring

By indierocklove - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 761

You deserved it 8 962

Big brained

By TiredTeacher95 - 22/01/2022 19:59

Today, I had to call poison control on one of my students, because they decided to drink a half a bottle of hand sanitizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 108

Never again

By fat inspiration - 24/02/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my ex needs motivation to go to the gym, she posts a picture of herself in a pair of huge pants with the caption, “NEVER AGAIN!” Problem? They’re my pants, that I'd left at her place after we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 221

For fans of '90S UK TV

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 17:00

Today, and since his retirement, my husband's enthusiasm for life has declined, his love of beer and crisps has skyrocketed, and his interest in personal hygiene has plummeted. Add to that his wearing of old, worn clothes with holes in he almost completely looks like Onslow from 'Keeping Up Appearances.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 185

Shake, rattle, and roll

By goddamn idiots - 29/10/2021 17:01 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I’m sitting in the ER pissed off at my teenage sons. They’re both violently ill from doing a shot contest to see who could drink the most. Alcohol poisoning? Nope. Caffeine overdose. They lost track of how many shots of espresso they were doing before they started puking and shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 258

You deserved it 169

Get the message

By Smelly - 05/04/2022 16:00

Today, it’s my birthday. At work, at my desk, I found this beautiful gift-wrapped box and a card that read, “From all of us, we really care about you, and hope you like your present!” I opened the box. It had body shower gel, deodorant, soap, fragrance spray, and “frizz shampoo.” Hint taken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 875

You deserved it 459

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 204

Dick

By missPiggy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 818

You deserved it 2 352

My brain hurts

By Team - 20/07/2025 12:00 - Germany

Today, I feel so tired and hungover after going to the office summer party yesterday. I had no alcohol to drink and I left at 10pm, way earlier than all my team. My team drank a lot and stayed until after 1am. They all showed up earlier and looking better than me, while I'm a trainwreck with a bad headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 115

Sticky

By Anonymous - 14/06/2025 00:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, it's been a few days since I had surgery, which means I can’t wash my hair myself for a couple of weeks. Today I paid to have it washed professionally… then proceeded to spill liquid glucose all over the ends of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 125

Sleep the clock around

By Anonymous - 08/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I decided to sleep in since I didn't really have anything I had to do. I was woken up at 10:30AM thanks to a spam telemarketer. I turned my phone off and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up around noon. I woke up at 1:30PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 316

Not getting it

By Anonymous - 21/03/2023 16:00 - United States

Today, I got into an argument with my boss about the importance of a decent work/life balance. He then asked me to work overtime on a Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 128

The body keeps the score

By Dominik - 11/11/2022 10:00 - Netherlands

Today, I ate 30 chocolate pocket brownies, two caramel chocolates, two Budweisers. All of that while on my breaks at work. I'm a guy and I'm worried about getting diabetes while i'm actually craving more chocolate and sugar treats, my body is getting weaker, I'm getting dumber, fatter, and slower as we speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 1 224

The World Won't Listen

By Anonymous - 08/12/2020 11:01 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I went round to see a friend who recently had a heart attack and was finding it difficult to shop for herself. She complained about the food being "too healthy" and wanted bags of chips and frozen rubbish instead. Her being overweight directly caused her heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 127

Speeding

By Anonymous - 28/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, after I started to use a weight tracker to keep track of how much weight I lost since I started to diet due to my horrific cholesterol levels, I was happy that I lost three and a half pounds in three days. However, my online weight tracker then gave me a warning that I'm losing weight too quickly. That's a thing? FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 115

Irony at a base level

By SterlingEnigma - 25/09/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I decided to start making healthier decisions. Instead of the usual cheeseburger I have for lunch I ate an apple instead. I took one bite and broke one of my teeth. Apparently, apples keep the doctor away, but not dentists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 368

You deserved it 7 392

Adulting is tough

By Anonymous - 10/08/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 567

Life hacks

By just walk away - 07/04/2022 10:00 - United States

Today, I wanted to believe that people couldn't possibly be this stupid, but prior to surgery my brother's wife was put on an all-liquid diet. The idiot didn’t realize that putting cake and ice cream in a blender didn’t make it a fucking clear liquid. She argued, “I’m not eating it, I’m drinking it!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 119

Coulda, shoulda, woulda

By DeathbyWording - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vernon

Today, my doctor said I "might" have an enlarged heart and an irregular heartbeat. It "could" be seriously life-threatening and I "should" go to a specialist for further tests. My insurance refuses to cover my consultation with the specialist because the doctor's wording is too uncertain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 823

You deserved it 1 356

Not the sharpest tool

By full'a'shit - 06/06/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, after days of constipation, I gave myself an enema to clear out the obstruction. My girlfriend has decided that I'm secretly gay and will not change her mind. She's already told her friends, who now want to take me shoe shopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 104

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 261

You deserved it 11 942

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 197

You deserved it 44 211

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a Taylor Swift concert. At the concert they put up a sign that said "Scream if you love country boys." My boyfriend took one look at it and started screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 937

You deserved it 12 463

Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 271

You deserved it 5 624

Today, I left a coffee shop abruptly to go to my car to let out some really bad and loud gas. My window was partly open because it's broken. A stranger was walking on the sidewalk in front of me. He looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 954

You deserved it 443

Today, my college roommate is a Studio Art major. For a project, she brought home a pig's intestine to keep in our tiny dorm room freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 107