Health

Gang violence

By fattysonparade - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 576

You deserved it 7 118

I've had even enough

By nobabies - 14/10/2022 06:00

Today, I started my period. Unfortunately, my last period only ended six days ago. PCOS sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 104

Mad bastards

By oof - 13/10/2022 21:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my cats decided to start sprinting back and forth across the house while I was holding a cup of coffee. They both ran into each of my legs in unison, sending me crashing down on top of them. I also hit my head on the corner of a shelf and spilled coffee all over my neck, in addition to breaking the cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 198

Spooky season

By fishyrael - 13/10/2022 00:00 - United States - East Lansing

Today, I took a nap before work. I had a harrowing nightmare in which I was chased by a murderer and the ghosts of his victims at my job. I then woke up to go to work, where I work the night shift, completely alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 129

Toxicity

By Emotional Man - 13/10/2022 02:00

Today, I've realized years of my mom and my grandma constantly "jokingly" touching me inappropriately has caused me to develop a defense mechanism where I jump out of my skin whenever anyone touches me unexpectedly, or gives me physical affection in any form. No one believes this when I tell them, because I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 126

Cristal mommies

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom - Barking

Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for the night so she could calm down. All I did was suggest her headache might improve with paracetamol and a nap, as opposed to the burning sage stinking up our bedroom and the crystal wand she had pressed against her eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 215

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 16:00 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 160

Jumpy

By bunny - 12/10/2022 12:00

Today, as always, my mom slams every door she closes. I faint when I hear loud sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 196

Health risk

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 08:00 - Belgium

Today, the sciatic nerve in my left leg started twinging at random moments, leaving that leg painful and useless for a few seconds each time. Yesterday, I twisted my right knee and ankle falling over at work. Standing up is terrifying and I don't know which leg to limp on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 100

Lil Tooth

By randomusername99 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 226

You deserved it 4 842

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 136

Huge fan

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Acworth

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair in a way that it looks like Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 910

You deserved it 10 450

Fear factor

By I need new friends - 11/10/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I told my friends that I have haphephobia, the fear of being touched. One of them said, "Why don't you try facing your fears?" and they all held me down and tickled me until they realized my pleas for them to stop were actually genuine when I stopped laughing and started crying… which took several minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 165

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 12:00

Today, my husband suddenly decided he was going to stop talking about all the changes he needed to make, and finally do them. That's great, except that in less than a day, he lost his shit at me and our young kids for not immediately fixing everything about ourselves as well. They're still sobbing and he doesn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 145

Confined

By Anonymous - 10/10/2022 22:00 - United States - Highland Lakes

Today, I got my first positive Covid test. It's also the first day of a week-long vacation that included two things I'd been planning for weeks that I haven't done in years, and a trip somewhere I've been looking forward to for months. All shot to hell right before it began. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 154

Flies gonna fly

By Defeated - 10/10/2022 16:40 - United States

Today, I've become so accustomed to having flies in my house that I just gave up on getting rid of them. I only kill the ones that repeatedly land on my face or, worst of all, in my ears. Especially when they get stuck in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 772

Drag yourself out

By cuz803 - 10/10/2022 08:30

Today, I have a job test coming in two days. Today was also the perfect time for me to catch the flu. The flu affects me badly for a week, whereas this job test opportunity for a city job that pays well happens once every 10 years. I won't get this opportunity again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 126

My body hates me

By How? - 09/10/2022 22:30

Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 160

Recycling at its finest

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 16:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 241

Teenage kicks

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 12:30

Today, my girlfriend gave me a wedgie and got her sister to take a pic. My boxers broke. I had that pair since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 1 161

Bad day for glasses

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 10:00

Today, I walked into the glass door of my boss’s cabin and broke my spectacles. Thank god for a backup pair, right? Wrong. I fell down the stairs and broke them too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 211

Red cheeked

By RedHatKat - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Burr Hill

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 843

You deserved it 1 937

Overdoing it

By Finnbjoern - 08/10/2022 16:30

Today, I had 16 freakin' protein bars as a meal, the only meal of the day, as well as 5 apples after. I'm feeling like Yellowstone erupting in my guts right now. It hurts as fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 214

Welcome to Hell

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 14:00

Today, I got my period two days early. I have really bad cramps and my lower back hurts pretty bad. I'm getting over having bronchitis, I wanted to relax, but instead my mother had the bright idea to walk around the mall for two hours. We sat in traffic for another hour before we made it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 163

Logging on the company dime

By Anonymous - 08/10/2022 12:00

Today, at work, I did my morning constitutional and the automatic toilet died and wouldn't flush. I had to tell my boss, since there's only two toilets in the ladies' bathroom. So it's pretty obvious who dropped the duce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 061

You deserved it 176

Mind your own business

By Not what it looks like - 07/10/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a lady at Walmart that my mom, who is rather big-boned, actually suffers from fibromyalgia and arthritis, which is why she has to use motor carts. She didn't believe us, and called my mom "selfish". This is a common occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 224

How could you?

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 15:30

Today, my wife made me feel like an asshole for not leaving work to come home because she wasn't feeling good. I'm working at a jobsite 1.5 hours away from home, plus my vehicle wasn't at the jobsite either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 416

You deserved it 153

Doomsday

By Alberto - 07/10/2022 10:30

Today, I had to wake up my mother as the earthquake alarm rang in my country. This is the second quake in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 176

More issues than Vogue

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 00:30

Today, and thanks to my psychologist, I realized I have yet again wasted years on a one-sided friendship, after said friend cut me out of his life without even speaking to me. The reason? I told him to talk to the people he had issues with before cutting them out of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 191

That ain't it

By Anonymous - 06/10/2022 13:30

Today, my tampon leaked right before I had to go to court. I'm the plaintiff and I work for my city, and blood stains isn't a good look. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 303

You deserved it 151

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 704

You deserved it 4 877

Today, at a staff meeting, our boss sighed and asked why I'm always in the meetings instead of my co-worker. I reminded him that it's because I'm the department supervisor, not my co-worker. He wouldn't believe me until he saw it for himself in our personnel files. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 957

You deserved it 3 884

Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 032

You deserved it 3 421

Today, my 12 year-old son came home with two broken arms after finding an awesome place to ride his bike. He found a sweet jump and his handlebars broke. He's currently in slings and waiting for an appointment with a surgeon, the breaks were so bad, the hospital couldn't reset them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 133

You deserved it 106

Today, despite warning my boss that it’s dangerous and stupid, he still insisted I get on with putting up a 4-storey tall scaffolding in high winds, and when it blew over, he blamed me for not putting it together correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 104

Today, without really meaning to, I’ve become the angry old widower who lives alone, and whose neighbours don’t talk to him and their kids are scared of. I can’t be sure, but I think the kids even invented a legend about me being the old man monster of the neighbourhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 202