Clothes

Loosey-goosey

knickersdontfit - - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

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You must conform!

a disabled man with big hands - 24/05/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, my boss got mad at me for not wearing the gloves I'm provided at work. They're way too small, not to mention the fact that I have a disability which makes it even harder to put them on. What do you expect me to do? FML

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The graduate

A high school senior who is ready to be DONE - 01/05/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, it was time to take graduation cap and gown pics. My cap didn't fit on my head. I'd specifically requested that they make it much larger, but they didn't. When someone tried to force it onto my head, it tore apart. So now I have no graduation cap. I'm so fucking done. Only 2 weeks left. FML

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Tumbler

Anonymous - 27/04/2023 18:00

Today, I decided to clean out my closet and donate some clothes to charity. As I was carrying a heavy bag of clothes down the stairs, I tripped and fell, spilling everything everywhere. I had to start all over again. FML

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Elaborate prank

Anonymous - 26/04/2023 22:00

Today, my dear wife, an expert seamstress, took apart one shoulder of my favourite vest, looping the whole shirt through itself like a figure of eight, then stitched it back up. It took me over a full minute to realise why I suddenly couldn’t fold it flat, and she recorded me failing at it. FML

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Smooth criminal

Anonymous - 26/04/2023 10:00

Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

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Nice try

Nina - 21/04/2023 10:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran into my roommate coming home at 9 a.m. She was wearing nice clothes, but somehow looked a bit run down. Figuring she was just coming back from a fun night out, I poked fun at her for coming home wearing last night's getup. Turns out it was a fresh outfit. FML

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Surprise indeed

Anonymous - 11/04/2023 00:00

Today, to surprise my boss who promoted me within the first two months of my new job, I offered to take him and a couple of coworkers out to eat. We had one minor inconvenience: my bank card declined. I was 200$ in the negative. Apparently my wife decided to take the kids winter clothes shopping. It’s fucking April. FML

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Put it away!

Need eye bleach - 06/04/2023 00:00 - United States

Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML

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Clothes Shire horse

not fat shaming! - 05/04/2023 14:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight after I asked him repeatedly to tell his daughter to stop wearing my clothes. She stretches them out and has busted seams. The last straw was when she broke the heels on my very expensive shoes. I'm not being mean, she’s a size 14 and I’m a 6. FML

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Classic prank

Anonymous - - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

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Will people notice?

Anonymous - 31/03/2023 04:00

Today, I put on a sock. Then another sock. When I got into public, I realized my two socks were slightly different shades of blue. FML

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Wardrobe malfunction

Anonymous - 28/03/2023 18:00

Today, I woke up early to make a good impression at my new job. As I was getting dressed, I noticed my shirt was missing a button. I frantically searched for another shirt, but couldn't find one that looked clean enough. I had to go to work in my buttonless shirt, and spent the entire day feeling embarrassed. FML

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Arnold Lane

What - 24/03/2023 06:00 - United States

Today, since I last did laundry, most of my clothes seem to have disappeared. This better be a horrible prank, and if it is, it better be the funniest shit ever - because I'm seriously ticked off right now. Not to mention confused. FML

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No dress code

Anonymous - 22/03/2023 22:00 - United States - Sherman Oaks

Today, I overslept. I didn’t have any time to get ready for school so I just went in my pajamas. When I got there, my teacher walked up to to me and said, “Nice pajamas!” However, I understood, “Nice vagina!” so I replied, “Oh thanks. Nice penis!” I’m dropping out. FML

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Nope

Brrrb - - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you." FML

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Let me out!

Anonymous - 17/03/2023 16:00 - United Kingdom - Hastings

Today, I got stuck in a dress in the fitting room and had to call the sales associate for help. She had to crawl under the door to rescue me. FML

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Forever 14

Anonymous - 12/03/2023 22:00

Today, I went to my parents' for dinner, who greeted me outside and immediately my mom said, “What are you wearing? Go to my room and change your shirt.” I was with my husband and I’m 47. FML

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Drenched

Charlie - 12/03/2023 18:00

Today, I got caught in the rain without an umbrella. I arrived at work looking like a wet rat, and my boss sent me home to change. I forgot my keys at work and ended up locked out of my apartment in the rain. I can't seem to catch a break. FML

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Wardrobe malfunction

Oh shirt! - 03/03/2023 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take off my hoodie. Somehow my shirt came off with it, leaving me shirtless in public, as I sheepishly tried to put it back on. Not only were people staring, but there was a mother covering her son's eyes. FML

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Matching

Anonymous - 23/02/2023 02:00

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML

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Karma

ElleSavage -

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

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Quick thinking

Anonymous - 08/02/2023 12:00

Today, I showed up to a meeting without my pants and had to pretend it was part of my outfit. FML

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Liar liar

Anonymous - 06/02/2023 18:00

Today, after many hours of practice, I tried to demonstrate my magic tricks to my friends. What wasn't part of the show was accidentally setting my pants on fire and having to put it out with a glass of red wine. FML

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The others were too polite

#MeDD - 04/02/2023 02:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I caught my cousin's husband ogling me at a party. I decided to talk to him, but each time he'd avoid me. Eventually I confronted him about staring at me; he then pointed at the front of my dress, my nipple had slightly snuck out of my low-cut dress. FML

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Average New Yorker

Anonymous - 31/01/2023 18:30

Today, I put my “I love NY” t-shirt on inside out by accident. When I went to a coffee shop, the barista asked, “What’s with the weird NY shirt?” I replied, “I don’t know, it’s just my thing.” FML

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Fair-weather friend

clothesthief - - Australia - Ivanhoe

Today, I finally had nice enough weather to dry my clothes on the washing line. Two hours later, all my clothes were stolen. FML

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For me?

Anonymous - 20/01/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend gave me a very thoughtful gift: A pair of woolen socks, hand-knitted by his mom. They were a size 43. Yes, that’s his size. I wear a 36. FML

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Not so secular workplace issues

Anonymous - 21/12/2022 18:00

Today, I don’t know what to do, my (female) boss just told me that in order to comply with our dress code, I now have to go and tell most of our female employees to cover up their visible cleavage. I'm not the most confident around women, how am I supposed to discuss their boobs with them? FML

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Soaking

Dumbass - 19/11/2022 06:00

Today, I went to change my socks after I stepped in a puddle of water. As I walked out of my bedroom with a fresh pair of socks, I stepped in the puddle again. Three times. That's four pairs of socks ruined. God, I'm such a dumbass sometimes. FML

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Today, two drop dead gorgeous Australians asked me for directions. Being so shocked by their beauty and accents, I couldn't get words out of my mouth. Then one said to the other, "Nope, she doesn't speak English", then walked away. FML

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Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

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Today, I was cooking with super hot ghost peppers. The package said "After handling them not to touch your eyes, nose or pets". They should've added "penis" to that list. FML

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Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

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Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

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Today, while on holiday in Melbourne, I begged my wife to take a day off from yelling angrily at our 4 year-old. A few hours later, she was cursing and yelling in front of gathering onlookers because he didn't want to go inside LegoLand. FML

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