Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because of a video game. Not that I was playing the game too much, but because she got addicted to it and decided that the game was more important than our relationship. FML
TheBigSneeze tells us more.
TheBigSneeze 22
Hello! Op here. I logged on to make this FML but I guess it didnt go through... The game was FFXIV, and the sad thing was that we brought the game together so that we could play together. While she pretty much played it constantly, I only played it in quick sessions because I had other games to play and overall did not enjoy the game. The next thing I know, shes bringing her laptop to group events to play FFXIV, not joining us in board game nights or drinking, and investing all her time to FFXIV. She even ignored my request to spend time with her on Christmas and New years. When she finally got off the game (cause of server maintenance), she decided that was the perfect time to just break up with me. I wish I was joking, but, one of the reasons was that I was taking time away from her game because I wanted to hang out and spend time with her. The sad thing was I wouldn't of mind just being around her while she played FFXIV, and would of been contempt with being in the same room doing something else in her presence. We're still on friendly(?) terms I guess. She stopped playing it after about 3 months and now I run a Tabletop game that shes part of, but it still hurts to see her and there's this air of awkwardness and tension when shes around. I wrote this about 2-3 weeks after the breakup cause I didn't know what to do and needed to vent out my emotions somehow. Didnt expect to see it when I was browsing today
Today, I volunteered to babysit my nephew. He somehow managed to lock himself in the bathroom and then flood it with the sink. I had to call his parents, and they're now on their way home from their romantic anniversary dinner. I'm not even getting paid for this. FML
Today, my partner had teletherapy early in the morning, so I was in rush to leave the apartment. I threw on clothes, and at the end of the day (at around 3 p.m.) I felt like someone at me a little funny as I was getting off an elevator. I looked in the mirror and realized my leggings had been on inside out all day. FML
Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML
Today, i managed to carve an hour out of my daily working-from-home grind to get some exercise and fresh air, only to spend all of that time stuck in the bathroom trying to take the same shit. I fucking loathe having Crohn's disease. FML
Today, I went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. There was a hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
Today, I agreed to go on a last-minute road trip with my friends. Everything was going great until we realized we had no GPS signal in the middle of nowhere. We ended up following a "shortcut" suggested by a farmer and got stuck in a muddy field for hours, with livestock giving us judgmental looks. FML
Today, I came home to a complete asshole. I didn't remember it was the anniversary of his late wife's death. from like 2009, whom I never met. The same ass who got mad at me for being sad for too long because my dad died last July. BTW, after I finally fix my credit, I'm out. FML
D J's MOM tells us more.
D J's MOM 17
OP here. didn't have space to give enough details. he's the one using me. he's on retirement from a 5 way bypass. after we got together (he was super nice for a year n a half) he had a stroke, now he had motor control issues in one side, so he does need some help. he has a really short fuse with a hot temper. he's emotionally abusive and narcissistic. He's the one who messed up my credit when he and his family girded me to take a 6 month sabbatical from work and he wouldn't pay my 2 credit card payments (less than $1k on each). his 2 daughters are irresponsible and unreliable heron addicts on methadone, so they are no help to him. he only allows me to work part time. if I have to go in gro an extra day to help at work he gets really pissy. his 69 yr old bro comes over every weekend, really sweet, but eats a LOT, so it's really hard to save money (i have buy all groceries). idiot needs me way more than I need him. I've tried leaving before, but if you're not prepared it's difficult and he begs me to stay. he knows I'm unhappy. I also have no outside help. I don't want pity. I just wanted to clarify my situation because they do not give enough room in the initial post.
Today, the guy I like, who told me he “is trying to heal from his divorce,” just got a girlfriend. He calls her “the one that made me believe in love again.” I spent almost a year being a friend, supporting his every need, and hopelessly holding it down for him. Good to know I’m not good enough and never will be. FML
Today, my old ass garage door got bent while I was trying to close it. I broke nearly all of my fingernails trying to force it back into place. Time to get a new garage door. FML
Today, just like almost every other day, my mom goes onto the computer and scolds me for what I watch on YouTube, even when the videos aren't that graphic. Today she scolded me because she found out that I'd watched videos related to the Max Headroom signal intrusion back in '87. Why can't I just watch what I want? FML
Today, I went for a run to try and work on getting in shape. Nine steps in, I slipped in some slimy moss, almost broke my hip on the pavement, and gashed open my elbow. I'll be surprised if I can walk straight in the morning. FML
Today, I rushed to urgent care after suddenly developing a dark spot in the vision of one of my eyes. Long story short, I paid $110 for the doctor to remove an eyelash. FML
Today, I put up lost dog signs and even posted a Facebook post regarding my lost dog. I keep getting “Restricted” calls taunting me, saying they found my dog and are not giving her back. I’m unable to trace the calls and this is making me more upset and frustrated. FML
Today, I discovered the hard way that training in martial arts means nothing when the thug harassing your wife at the bar has a mate stood behind you ready, willing, and able to kick you square in the balls with a toe-capped work boot while you’re getting into your correct fighting stance. FML
Today, I've been potty training my son and almost all of his clothes have been peed on, but for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to do all the laundry together. When I was getting it out of the dryer, everything smelled like pee. FML
Today, I pranked my friend and started a fake fight. However, she opened up and admitted to doing a bunch of stuff. We've now stopped being friends. FML
Today, to get my coworker fired, I spiked his coffee with whiskey. Joke's on me, he's apparently enough of a drunk that it didn't affect him. Then I dropped the bottle as I was leaving for the day, cut up my ankle, and I'm now suspended. FML
Today, I broke my boyfriend's nose trying to pop his blackheads. His leg jerked in shock, kicked my leg, and I fell, breaking the mirror, cutting myself, and slamming into the bathroom sink. I woke up in the hospital, with over a hundred stitches, and my poor boyfriend in jail for suspected domestic abuse. FML
Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I entered my neighbors’ yard around a shorter corner than usual. Their old dog is getting a bit slow, but unfortunately only in her head: By the time she recognized me as harmless, she had already run up and bitten me. FML
Today, I was having a conversation with my husband when our daughter walked in and shouted at us, “For god's sake, will you two either stop shouting or buy some fucking hearing aids.” That’s when we realised we might be going deaf, given that we've been saying “Pardon?” or “What?” without noticing. FML
Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML
Today, I told a friend I was going to the dentist for the first time in years. He immediately replied, "Yay! Teeth whitening!" I hadn't mentioned teeth whitening. I'm not even going for teeth whitening. -5 XP new insecurity unlocked. FML
Today, my wife started finding everything I do annoying, just after she passed her American citizenship test. I hope there’s no correlation between that and the eight years of support. FML
Today, I called in sick to work. My boss told me there's no excuse for sick days, because she once came in to work while suffering from pneumonia. Apparently, that's supposed to be impressive and inspiring. I don't know about you, but bad medical decisions aren't very inspirational to me. FML
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML
Today, it’s been 5 months since I can’t walk properly, 3 months that I’ve been waiting for a doctor’s appointment, and 1 day since I found out that the "top specialist" was in fact the same doofus who couldn’t help me with the same issue years ago. He was out of his depth as soon as nothing conclusive showed on the X-ray. FML
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