Springmaid · 2 October 2023, 06:00 ·Makati City, Philippines

Am I the asshole?

Today, a heavy set lady came to my boutique asking for our "largest" 28in size jeans. I decided to humor her by giving a 52 mislabeled as a 28. It fit perfectly! She happily bought it and left. Later, her mother, who is a Super Karen and twice her size, came to complain about me to the owner for bodyshaming her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874 You deserved it 285

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Time flies, huh?

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 413 You deserved it 4 434

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Anonymous · 1 October 2023, 20:00 ·Limassol, Cyprus

Cunning stunt

Today, I asked my wife for a divorce, after I tried everything to save our marriage, and it was a gut-wrenching decision. I tried easing her into it, but she instantly agreed. She had packing boxed ready to move out. Now I suspect she was sabotaging our marriage for months so I'd call it quits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 140

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Pixel · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·Castlegar, Canada

On the case

Today, I was supposed to go in for a polygraph test as part of the hiring process to be a cop, but I was so nervous that I couldn't sleep. Finally two hours before the exam, I fell into a deep sleep, so deep that I slept through all my alarms. Worst part: I couldn't lie about sleeping in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 761 You deserved it 5 665

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Anonymous · 1 October 2023, 16:00 ·Denver, United States

Is it technically cheating or not?

Today, I found out that my ex has a “new” girlfriend. I’ve been romantically involved with the ex off and on since our breakup 2 years ago, which just so happens to be how long they’ve apparently been dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262 You deserved it 779

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Anonymous · 1 October 2023, 14:00 ·Altrincham, United Kingdom

Knackered

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995 You deserved it 178

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little tooth · This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff ·France

Self improvement

Today, my wisdom teeth decided to come in. I didn't know that being wise could hurt so much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 336 You deserved it 9 449

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Anonymous · 1 October 2023, 10:00 ·Germany

Release the bees!

Today, as I was sitting on my terrace, I was wearing neither bright colors, nor any perfume, yet two bees seemed convinced that I must've been some type of flower and persistently tried to figure out where I was hiding my nectar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 592 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 1 October 2023, 08:00

Great parenting skills

Today, I borrowed my adopted mom's laptop and found out that either her, my dad, or both of them, have been trying to research legal ways of un-adopting me and giving me back to the foster care system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140 You deserved it 138

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isobell1234 · 1 October 2023, 06:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Opinions wanted

Today, I got a 4-hour Saturday detention as a punishment for skipping a regular detention. We had to wear full school uniforms, then sit at our desks in silence and write long boring punishment essays. It was HORRIBLE. I don't think schools should be allowed to detain and punish pupils on a Saturday. Do you agree? FML

I agree, your life sucks 203 You deserved it 2 093

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solo it is · 1 October 2023, 04:00 ·Hesperia, United States

Dickwad move

Today, I’m 8 months pregnant. The father says the he won’t come to any more appointments, the baby shower, or even the birth unless his new girlfriend is allowed to be in the room when I deliver. I said absolutely not, so he told me to never call him again, and blocked me. They’ve been together for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 102 You deserved it 270

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Broke and Single Bachelor · 1 October 2023, 00:02

Broke boy

Today, my girlfriend broke it off with me when she realized I can no longer treat her to expensive gifts and meals. My ex-wife is bleeding me dry with child support payments, I can no longer afford the lifestyle I used to have. She won’t take me back. Now I’m totally single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373 You deserved it 1 249

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Anonymous · 30 September 2023, 22:00

Snap, crackle, and pop

Today, I woke up from my wisdom tooth surgery… while they were still sawing my jaw. I had such a bad panic response that they also cut my lip, so I have stitches inside and outside of my mouth, as well as the haunting crackle of bone being removed from my skull stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · 30 September 2023, 20:00

Go vegan!

Today, my sister is furious with me and said i will never see my nieces again. Last weekend, while I babysat for her, I taught them the meaning of veganism and animal rights, even showing them a few videos about the meat and dairy industry, and how the animals are kept and treated. Now she won’t speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 163 You deserved it 3 802

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I really wish I was joking · 30 September 2023, 18:00 ·Lafayette, United States

Serious business

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me and called me a "cold, unfeeling bitch" because I wasn't "sad enough" over someone's death. Who died? A fictional character in the Dungeons And Dragons podcast we listen to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981 You deserved it 111

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Yudith · 30 September 2023, 15:30 ·Canada

Meanwhile…

Today, after three months of wait, I expected to have a diagnosis and treatment plan from my doctor. Instead, I got an appointment with a surgeon "just to be sure", and an appointment with a GP to get referrals to two other doctors for more appointments. Meanwhile, my health gets worse and worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770 You deserved it 112

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mymomplucksbutthair · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·United States

Why did you tell me that?

Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 298 You deserved it 3 504

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lucy ann · 30 September 2023, 10:30

It's not for everyone

Today, my daughter told me she “doesn’t ever see herself getting in a relationship” and “dating just isn’t for her.” She’s 30 and has never been with anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227 You deserved it 974

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alyssa ig idk · 30 September 2023, 06:00 ·Allen Park, United States

You got slimed

Today, I wasted 20 minutes trying to open a container of slime, only for rotten green liquid and weird brownish yellow goo to spray spanning 5 feet in all directions from me and my bed. I nearly threw up and now am getting a wet, sleepless night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201 You deserved it 668

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hannah · 30 September 2023, 04:00

Pranks should be outlawed

Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829 You deserved it 109

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Titisee-neustadt, Germany

You must conform

Today, I'm the only grandchild who regularly visits, calls, and runs errands for my grandparents, even though I live two hours away. I'm also their biggest disappointment because I'm not married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 568 You deserved it 1 710

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Anonymous · 30 September 2023, 00:02

Them frenchies don't **** around

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 268 You deserved it 1 752

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Anonymous · 29 September 2023, 22:00

Drunk with power

Today, I was detained by a stubborn cop who swore he saw me sprinting away after shoplifting. I’m missing part of my right foot, and walk with a cane and a limp, I haven’t sprinted anyplace in 12 years. Not even showing him my foot convinced him. I was sat in his car over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106 You deserved it 104

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HateCelebz · 29 September 2023, 20:00

Annoyed

Today, I was made to do checkout training at the supermarket I work in. My third customer spent £90 on food, and whilst I was serving her, she talked about her 6 kids and her ex. Only four hours of this shit to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351 You deserved it 652

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pussy · 29 September 2023, 16:00

White out

Today, I was told to "stop being such a little pussy." Why? Because my body chose to pass out from the heat. I didn’t complain even once, but I drank plenty of water and still passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774 You deserved it 131

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sillydad · 29 September 2023, 14:00 ·Perth, Australia

Kids will be kids

Today, I finally found out my suspicions about my 12 year-old daughter were correct, and I don’t know which one is worse: She's had a boyfriend and has denied it for the last 3 months, or the fact that my partner thought it was a good idea to let it go on for this long without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388 You deserved it 759

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lax22 · This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff ·San Francisco, United States

Great, just great

Today, thirty minutes after the end of a great date with a great girl, she texted me, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 188 You deserved it 6 317

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just…no · 29 September 2023, 10:00

Sounds like a plan

Today, I asked my son what his goals in life are. He said he doesn’t have any career goals, and the only thing he wants out of life is to play Dungeons and Dragons. I have failed as a parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255 You deserved it 747

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cheerupsookylala · 29 September 2023, 08:00 ·Perth, Australia

But… why would you do that?

Today, I drank water from a random, half-full water bottle I found inside a bumper car (AKA dodgems) at the local fairground, thinking it was mine. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133 You deserved it 944

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old mom · 29 September 2023, 06:00

Scumbag

Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028 You deserved it 424

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