Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML
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Today, the coworker I like reported me to HR for "sexual harassment." All I did was make him lunch every day, give him 'just because' gifts, and compliment him in a non-sexual way. It sure isn't "sexual harassment" when another coworker of ours does the exact same things; in fact, he praises it and acts indifferent to me. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I had to give a sexual harassment seminar to my department. Someone put in a complaint that my example made them feel uncomfortable. FML
Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML
Today, after telling my boss that trailing a hand up someone's leg and leering at them constantly is counted as sexual harassment, I got called an "unappreciative little whiny bitch." FML
Today, a random customer at work admonished my coworker for being on her phone. During our lunch break. As he walked away, my coworker muttered, "What the fuck is his problem?" I nodded in agreement. He heard her and saw me nodding. As did our boss. Time to get written up. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, I asked one of the girls at work out on a date. She responded by filing a harassment complaint. Now, I can't speak to her at all without being written up. FML
Today, the only cute girl in my office made fun of me because I'm 27 and bring fruit cups with my lunch. FML
Today, half of my office urged me to file a complaint against a coworker for aggressive behaviour, so I did. Less than 24 hours later, HR gave him a real dressing down and the whole office turned against me for ratting on him to management. FML
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Top comments
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
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Comments (88)
energizerbunny23 18
Probably jealous of the size...
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
Well can you blame him!? Some of the bananas I see in the supermarket nowadays are definitely not of 'average' size.
Rozay333 36
This works...cause you're the black guy right? Lol
incoherentrmblr 21
I wonder how Red Foreman would react to this?...
Rozay333 36
Well this works, because you're the black guy right? Lol
hugozac88 22
Don't tempt the man will you
zandalee 19
Or he was a banana in a past life.
Djmaxn 13
Maybe it was OP's best friend playing a prank on him. ....Probably not though.
applebramble 22
Probably not getting enough action...
xx000o 27
File a complaint against him for being threateningly stupid.
w_pony_4ever 15
Well that's kinda ridiculous OP!!
R3TROxLOV3 32
Really? Are you sure? Silly me, I thought that it was completely normal.
Bloink 25
yeah, that's kind of the point of this website
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
Sounds like he wanted to be the banana.
silvercamaro 22
Same, I'd love to have my d*** bit off into pieces and then digested.
extrasnipes 22
yes he obviously wanted his dick bit off
DropTheDaggerxx 31
I think he was afraid of /being/ the banana. "Threateningly sexual"? Did you hold eye contact whilst you ate the banana, OP? Chew vigorously as you stared him down? Slip him a note that says "this will be you" alongside a picture of you eating said banana? Next time, eat a hot dog and see what happens.
ChelzTheWolfGirl 29
You never know man. People are into some weird and kinky things.
pinkster2014 25
NEVER MAKE EYE CONTACT WHILE EATING A BANANA!!! ;P
Embyr 8
And then flushed down a toilet.
nurchok 15
Maybe it was a she... ;)
TheTedster 15
File a complaint against him for being "unreasonably stupid".
w_pony_4ever 15
Haha wow for some reason that made me laugh so hard
eyepuppy 31
Not sure if that is a viable solution, which makes me sad.
KVKdragon 26
I really and truly wish the law will allow lawsuits like that in the future. Might start a decline on public stupidity that is used to negatively affect other people
CurlyQute 17
Idiot
1tsmenoah 20
That's what he is saying...
MortenM 17
Yea. What did she expect after licking up and down the banana continously. Have some decency OP
larrena2377 26
Next time try to make it look sexual..they'll really freak out then.
ddlovatolover 23
OP is a male... ...the mental picture of this is really cracking me up!
warsun 27
My mate does that a lot. Man it's really funny to watch XD
Screamsteven 7
amen!
thesandman92 8
and you better not forget the whipped cream
LisaDay 14
probably cause you didn't eat the banana without licking all over it like you are giving a bj. its obviously the only possible way to eat a banana in front of a male.
anrou8 9
that is pretty much how you should eat it yeah XD
KillSwitch96 18
#7 - Yeah, even if you are a male as well like in OP's case haha
staychill 16
Im sure everyone knows the complain was b.s. And it wont hurt you
Simbaby 23
That's crazy
Yeshua_fml 19
Next time, show up to work with the banana wrapped in a condom and say that it's only a wrapper. That should give the idot something to talk about.
jazzy_123 20
it helps keep the banana fresh
applebramble 22
And lubricated
KillSwitch96 18
#109 - Bananas DO have latex in them so I guess you could consider wrapping a banana in some extra latex if you wish to keep it fresh!