Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML
Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggested she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill herself because of her severe medical condition." FML
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Top comments
flipcrazy 0
You laugh now but in a week or two when you grow that third arm and eye, you're gonna be looking real foolish.
Dinger1992 3
You should tell her there's radiation everywhere so she shouldn't breath anymore. That'll solve your problem
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Comments (96)
shyboy3092 6
Idiot lol
jacsoccerdude3 10
Have your phone ring to see if she is afraid of how much "radiation" comes from that.
GodPart2 20
Try to convince her there is a cell tower next to your office :-) (evil grin)
Rowdey 10
* >:)
awkward_gothlady 32
Apparently, she's just afraid of breathing the radiation, so as long as she doesn't breath while she's talking on her phone, she'll be fine.
doctorhook86 25
19: Even without a leg, she should worry about her genitals.
supbabes 0
I thought you're supposed to hold your breath when you drive past graveyards not phone towers bahah.
awkward_gothlady 32
Maybe you should tell her so she isn't embarrassed next time.
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
31, I believe that #19 meant if the boss had a cell phone.. 'Jussayin
_Oblivion_ 12
Should have gone by it very slowly. Eventually she will have to breath haha
doctorhook86 25
48 & 52: Yeah, that was obvious. It was funnier to interpret it the other way though.
deBlobX 12
Idiot comment lol
flipcrazy 0
You laugh now but in a week or two when you grow that third arm and eye, you're gonna be looking real foolish.
camsterjoe 12
But you will glow in the dark, so that will be kinda cool.
supbabes 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Hay you never knkw maybe you'll grow a 3rd eye & see the future!
flipcrazy 0
Or maybe you'll grow a third eye and you won't!
tjv3 10
Well maybe you could tap that and get a raise
COOL__Coal 12
Next time park next to the cell tower and lock the doors.
ImJK_fml 0
You are so stupid to think these things whithout even readind data about it. You are useless and dumb.
mermaidariel 0
That's promising.
spaerro 8
Why is your username mermaidariel, when your picture is clearly human Ariel? I am deeply suspicious.
P374RD3D 9
Why does that bother you?
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
25- it's the inner-mermaid that counts.
mermaidariel 0
I can't voice my opinion while I'm human... Lost my voice. Derp. I just found this photo flattering.
T9FTW 20
And why is OP's username Heavy D?
Dinger1992 3
You should tell her there's radiation everywhere so she shouldn't breath anymore. That'll solve your problem
onorexveritas 24
wow. I weep for humanity
THE_A_TEEN 28
NEWSFLASH: There have always been stupid people throughout history. One moron doesn't represent the downfall of the Human race.
TheDrifter 24
But now they're not just breeding, they're in charge. Better get my spare Zombie gun kitted for removing idiot infestations.
Epikouros 32
Google 'DocBastard' and 'Hypocrite', and you will lose any faith in humanity you have left.
Welshite 40
Tell her the sun gives off radiation. You'll never see her again as she'll hole up in a cellar. Win!
mynamesnoah 6
Or she'll make his office underground next to her new house.
mario2012 18
You would get as much radiation from there as you would using your microwave.
KiddNYC1O 22
Don't microwaves have a screen for that?
KiddNYC1O 22
81- Thanks for being constructive unlike the down votes. =]
currilc 0
Light is the radiation of jiggling electrons, and even cool things give off light, meaning she is never safe from radiation
Meettitan 14
Lol light is photons.
shadowrayne111 3
Light is actually made up of the oscillations of the magnetic and electric field in which the light travels through. The colour of the light is determined by the frequency of these oscillations. The more you know :)
CeltHound 14
Another reason to work for yourself!
Dcm210 19
when theres more people around,rip a silent far and make her smell your radiation.
Hed_Hunter 2
Noor beat u to it, sorry :(