Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML
Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggested she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill herself because of her severe medical condition." FML
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Top comments
flipcrazy 0
You laugh now but in a week or two when you grow that third arm and eye, you're gonna be looking real foolish.
Dinger1992 3
You should tell her there's radiation everywhere so she shouldn't breath anymore. That'll solve your problem
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Comments (96)
superhumangambit 4
But imagine the endless possibilities of manipulation for this gullible person. "Did you know its 20 yrs of bad luck to keep your employees working on Thursday's after a rainstorm?"
DespairFaction 11
Cook a burrito in the microwave and give it to her.
AH1Zviper 15
What the hell will that acomplish?
SkoomaKi 28
When in doubt, cook a burrito. Always.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Random fact: Burritos were actually invented to solve world-problems.
DespairFaction 11
It might kill her from all the radiation, and solve the worlds problems.
dogpfcorn 11
If your boss has a cell phone OP, just slap her and do the world a favor
gracehi 33
She may be stupid but at least she's not evil...or is she?
Welshite 40
Haven't you seen the movies? Villains always use some sort of radiation in their dastardly plots. Well, so do the superheros, but that's not the point.
CessnaPilot 5
Does she have a cell phone? Way more radiation with that. But the sun is way worse than a cell tower.
ninjacow123 6
Is she blonde?
THE_A_TEEN 28
No, she's bald. Why do you ask?
olpally 33
Stupidity reigns supreme with your boss... What a dipshit cokehead you got there...
johnstarkin 0
I agree that's very stupid but common. That's not so hard.
Hed_Hunter 2
If she reads ur fml, no raise for you
ebonyirony 29
Sometimes I think people can only get so stupid, and then this happens.
I_lost_the_game 25
53- I think this was meant for the comment above. Right?