Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, there was a gas leak at work. We called the fire department, who advised us to evacuate the building. We called our manager to let her know, and her response was "Oh, don’t do that." My boss would rather let us die of carbon monoxide exposure than lose out on 3 hours of work. FML
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted "F*** you!" making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML
Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML
Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML
Today, my boss flipped me off in traffic on my way to work. FML
Today, while sitting next to my mom at a restaurant, she told me to stop moving and making so much noise because, "It's distracting." The noise I was making was me breathing. I'm not even allowed to breathe. Guess I'll die. FML
Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML
Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggested she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill herself because of her severe medical condition." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
flipcrazy 0
You laugh now but in a week or two when you grow that third arm and eye, you're gonna be looking real foolish.
Dinger1992 3
You should tell her there's radiation everywhere so she shouldn't breath anymore. That'll solve your problem
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (96)
EnterSandman_fml 20
Or at least a reason to hold her breath.
stormchaser24 24
Morons are always in charge. When I had to mop the bathroom and mix the cleaner at a ratio of 2:1, I put 2 gallons of water and 1 gallon of cleaner. My boss though that 2 quarts was a gallon.
MolesterStallone 13
It would be funnier to fart when she's not holding her breath
perdix 31
Tell her by holding her breath, she's reducing her greenhouse gas emissions. Ridicule her huge carbon footprint so she holds her breath long enough to pass out, and you can take her job!
monagro 22
Radiation can contaminate things, and therefore there's an argument she's right.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Except the fact the holds her breath because "she doesn't want to breathe in any radiation." I think you're just as dumb as the boss.
spiritfang11237 16
Alpha radiation is the stuff you shouldn't breath in but clothing tends to be able to block it. it is the gamma rays you need to worry about and holding your breath is not going to help you there. Annonimously print out fact sheets about radiation and sources and leave them at her desk when she isn't looking.
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
He should fart, and when she asks "What's that smell?" tell her "It's radiation". l=^P
kimg0885 23
For the company Christmas party the whole office should chip in to buy her a radiation suit.
afer85 4
I'd laugh more if she reads this and you get busted/fired. I love how people openly trash their bosses and they don't realize they may read them and figure it out.
Epikouros 32
We can safely assume OP's boss doesn't have a sense of humor, and therefore doesn't read FML.
RentaName 15
All the fun you could have with her having a phobia of radiation.....