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The all-time greatest FMLs

Dog whisperer

By J……… - 16/10/2020 02:02

Today, my new dog broke out of his new crate, ate my door, pissed on the floor, and trashed my room. I got him to help with my anxiety, but all he does is give me more anxiety. The worst part is that I adopted him as a favor to a friend, because she couldn’t handle him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 1 222

Manipulation 101

By Anonymous - 12/01/2024 09:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, my psycho sister came home. Why did she leave? To manipulate my parents to let her live here rent free. My mother built her a new bedroom, twice the size of my unit, so she can fuck my ex with privacy. She earns 4 times what I do, but doesn't have to pay rent. I own the house with mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 162

One rule for me…

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 20:01 - Germany

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 243

Anxiety zits

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I have a second date with someone I like. Usually, I have a minor acne problem, but this week I've had four of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 104

The birds and the bees

By Anonymous - 23/08/2023 09:00 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 113

My king (is a dick)

By Anonyme - 11/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband is so strict that even on the rare occasion I get to leave the house alone, I’m not allowed to speak to men in any capacity. I can’t even go through a line with a male cashier or male bank teller and I have pay at the pump in case a guy is working at the gas station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 299

Bad boy

By Really - 14/05/2023 08:00 - United States

Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 94

Lovebombing

By Anonymous - 15/03/2023 04:00

Today, the woman who wanted a relationship, sent me heart kisses multiple times a day every day, and claimed that everything was perfect, bailed on me after I asked her if she could fit in one more than the current four days a month we see each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 117

I'm not a celebrity, get me out of here

By Anonymous Unknown - 15/02/2022 02:00

Today, I got locked inside the entrance area of a Walmart. I had to get an employee to get me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 183

Healthcare in the US is ****** up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 04:01

Today, I was out with friends when one of them started complaining about having to spend $50 on two copays for his therapist. He makes more a week than I do in three, and I can't even get seen by any type of healthcare professional because nowhere is accepting new patients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 94

S❤️ed

By andinpublictoo - 29/10/2021 22:59

Today, and for the first time in my life, I was unable to trust a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 228

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 16:01

Today, I'm on a camping trip, and despite the lovely weather, I'm wearing long clothing so the mosquitoes can’t sting me. Unfortunately, nobody seems to have told THEM that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 193

Lightweight

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 06:00

Today, I went to the doctor for a routine check-up. When the nurse took my blood pressure, I passed out, and fell off the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 133

They targeted gamers

By nothing - 29/11/2022 06:00

Today, I was finally allowed some time to get my game on. When I attempted to log in, I was given an error message. The game servers were down. Estimated time back up was, "sometime later this week". I was unable to get my game on, and had to do chores instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 338

Itchy and scratchy

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 00:01

Today, it turned out the razor I used for manscaping wasn't as new and sharp as I'd thought. My entire crotch is now overcome with an unfathomable amount of razor burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 373

Dude, chill out

By U... - 18/08/2023 22:00

Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 128

By croissant - 24/08/2015 03:42 - France

Today, for the first day in our bakery, our intern brought croissants and rolls from our biggest competitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 69

I'm not that old!

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 02:01

Today, I was showing my hair-do from my high school prom from 10 years ago to a drunk neighbor. He turned to my mom and said, "Wow, she was a beautiful girl back in the day." Right in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 192

Surf's Up

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 12:01 - United States - Wilmington

Today, as I was strapping my boogie board to my wrist, a wave slammed the board right into my crotch. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 163

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation Prank

By Anonymous - 12/01/2023 19:00 - United States - Coronado

Today, somebody parked an old truck with "FDIC" stickers on the sides in front of the bank I work at. I've been dealing with panicked customers all day, my manager says that the whole bank is at risk, and we can't find who parked the truck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 124

No third base for you

By Anonymous - 26/03/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Wakefield

Today, I went to a restaurant for a second date. As we were eating, a piece of food got stuck in my teeth. I tried to discreetly remove it, but ended up spitting it across the table and onto my date's glasses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 280

Act of god

By Anonymous - 05/04/2023 00:00

Today, I purchased a new car. On the drive home, gusts of wind blew up debris and pebbles and caused little chips in the paint and small chips on the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 100

You big child

By Immature - 10/01/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of six years burst into tears and said yes repeatedly when I presented her with a ring. I then had to explain that it was a promise ring, not an engagement ring. She looked me in the eye and dumped me on the spot. Apparently, promise rings are for teenagers, not couples in their thirties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 14 235

Pinned

By STRIKE! - 12/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out how it feels to drop a bowling ball on your foot. Spoiler: It doesn't feel good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 133

Nightmare fuel

By Traumatized - 12/03/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, at my job as a hotel housekeeper, I accidentally entered the room of someone who hadn't left yet. To my horror, the man inside was having a massive heart attack. I just found out he passed away, despite immediate medical intervention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 94

I can't see for miles and miles and miles

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 05:00

Today, having my hands full with dog leashes, I hooked a lamp to my jacket to find my way in the dark. The first time I bent over, it fell, burst open and spilled its batteries, so I had to go back and get another flashlight, whose batteries promptly started to fade once I was trying to reassemble the first one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 173

Gordon says you SUCK

By James - 01/04/2020 17:00

Today, my sister was so bored during the lockdown that she let me attempt to cook an omelette without turning the stove on, just so she had something amusing to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 1 343

Mystery lump

By Pinky Paranoid - 22/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the past few years, I've had a mysterious lump on my pinky finger that will not go away. Every doctor I've gone to has absolutely no idea what it is, or why it even showed up. I'm starting to think that I wouldn't like to find out what it is, if even a medical professional can't say for sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 82

Too realistic

By ThatLove - 05/04/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Worb

Today, I had to explain to my housemate that the cast of "The Crown" is not the real Royal Family impersonating themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 109

Stuck in a rut

By Mary - 23/08/2023 08:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I realized I don't have a family, I only have garbage people who have been sucking my time, my money, and my life from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 129

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The Top

Today, at the dentist, I was just supposed to get three small cavities filled. I walked out with a referral slip for the endodontist. Hello, root canal. Fuck you, genetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 376

You deserved it 314

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 116

You deserved it 5 736

Today, after wondering why I didn't receive a grade for a summer course I took in 2007, I realized that I gave the professor the wrong student ID number. Someone else received credit. I've been waiting on this grade for 8 months in order to graduate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 711

You deserved it 31 070

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 621

You deserved it 3 582

Today, after years of bad blood, my husband decided to invite his parents to dinner. After making rude remarks about my pregnancy, his dad eventually muttered that I'm a slut. My husband punched him, his wife called the police, and now I'm all alone while he sits in a jail cell for battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 2 014

Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 602

You deserved it 234