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Not a morning person

By Anna backwards is annA - 19/07/2026 12:00 - Germany - Saarbrücken

Today, I woke up early for work, then yanked my phone by the charger cord on my nightstand to look at it. I gravely underestimated the force by which I pulled the charger and the whiplash of my phone popped me square in the nose. Hard. I have a bruise now. I hope people don't think my boyfriend is a domestic abuser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 271

Are you OK?

By Anonymous - 30/10/2025 00:00

Today, I watched game 3 of the World Series. It went to 18 innings, and I started laughing like a lunatic and singing a variation on that song from Lamb Chop's Playalong called "This is The Game That Never Ends." Mind you, by the time the game finally ended it was nearly 3am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 390

Congratulations, you played yourself

By Danny - 22/05/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I realized the only person who’s ever loved me was an old friend. She was an amazing girl, she was there for me at my highs and lows, but I didn’t find her attractive, so I turned her down. She has since then moved on and gotten married, while I’m still getting played left and right by women. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 622

Ten pages?

By Anonymous - 17/12/2025 03:00

Today, I emailed my resume to a recruiter but attached a ten-page stream-of-consciousness grocery list instead. The recruiter replied, “Interesting priorities.” Now I’m on a three-email chain where everyone is debating whether olives belong in banana bread and asking about my sandwich preferences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 393

Oooh la la

By timothy - 04/05/2026 00:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I sent a porn link to my buddy. I received no response from him for hours so I went to text him again. "Brian" and "Boss" are right next to each other in my contacts list. Tomorrow I go into work to find out if I still have a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 585

Sometimes, it's better to say nothing

By Lauren - 05/09/2025 09:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got into an elevator with a stranger. The silence was so awkward that I muttered, “Sometimes I pretend I’m on a reality show.” The stranger just stared at me until the doors opened. We work on the same floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 506

Wankers everywhere

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was giving a quiet man a haircut. I saw his hand moving repeatedly under the cover, and I knew he was masturbating. I was alone and it was late, so I punched him in the dick as hard as I could, then ran for my pepper spray. Turns out he just has a nervous tic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 546

The trifecta

By Anonymous - 18/10/2025 20:00

Today, trying to battle this addictive social media act, I currently have only one profile with my name or face. In my phone the apps I have are FML, Grindr, and Pokémon Go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 296

Happiest day of my life

By Stevey - 17/08/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, during a moment of silence at a wedding, my phone rang at full volume. My ringtone? The Jurassic Park theme. Everyone turned to stare as I fumbled desperately to shut it off. The bride spent the rest of the ceremony giving me the side-eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 700

Keep your chill

By Anonymous - 09/09/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I was at the self-checkout scanning groceries quickly. I swiped an item so aggressively that it flew out of my hand, hit another customer’s basket, and knocked over a display of onions. I pretended it wasn’t me, but the onions gave me away by rolling directly to my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 457

Neighborly

By Anonymous - 25/09/2025 22:00

Today, while working from home, I thought I heard someone knock at the door. Without thinking, I shouted, “I’m naked!” A moment later I heard my neighbor say, “Uh… I just wanted to tell you your car headlights are on.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 413

Sounds delightful

By Why? Fucking nerd - 27/07/2025 20:00 - United States - New York

Today, I stupidly let my friend, who is obsessed with wacky YouTube music channels, have access to a playlist for my party. We ended up listening to Simpsons quotes cut up and spliced into EDM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 374

Stinky

By Barney - 19/09/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, while in a bathroom stall at work, I pulled out my phone to play Candy Crush. Somehow, I hit the volume button, and my phone blasted a YouTube ad for men’s body spray. The whole room went silent. Then I heard someone say, “You need it, son.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 408

You OK, bro?

By Anonymous - 28/09/2025 09:00

Today, at the gym I loaded way too much weight on the bench press. Halfway through my set, I got stuck with the bar on my chest, squealing like a squeezed rubber duck until a stranger rescued me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 482

Haunted by you

By Anonymous - 19/12/2025 22:00

Today, I asked my daughter if we could have a memorial table at her wedding for her baby brother who died 21 years ago. To my horror, she lost her shit at me and screamed she wants “one fucking night” to be about her and “not about him.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 1 702

He got the hell out of there, became a new guy

By What is wrong with you - 06/04/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my husband was home past his usual departure time for work, so I pointedly asked if he would be late. He said he called out sick. I stared at him, wide-eyed in disbelief, as he said he "wanted to relax in the yard with a book." He's completely lost his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 733

Pissed

By Anonymous - 26/11/2025 00:00

Today, I woke up after going to a rave with some friends. I got very nauseous and sat down behind a garbage bin outside to puke. I sat directly on fresh pee. About an hour later, I sat down on a toilet seat also covered in pee. I forgot to shower when I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 572

How could you?

By Anonymous - 15/07/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, I gathered all the evidence I needed to prove that my fiancé has been cheating on me. When I showed it to him, he looked at it, then looked me right in the eye and said, “So you did all this just to learn their names, cry, and stay with me anyway?” Sadly, he’s right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 669

Buzzkill

By Anonymous - 24/10/2025 00:00

Today, while out to dinner with my boyfriend for his 5 year-old’s birthday, this 28 year-old man decided to humiliate me by singing Happy Birthday to his son at the top of his lungs in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 1 009

Decisions, decisions

By Which to choose? - 10/02/2026 22:00

Today, I realized I have two guys interested in me. One is a boring lump who has a good job and takes me to nice places, and the other is a hilarious hot sexy goofball who can't hold down a job and shamelessly mooches off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 579

It's not that deep

By Anonymous - 08/07/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I really think my girlfriend is secretly bisexual and is cheating on me. Reading through her texts, she and her “best friend” are always calling each other beautiful, saying "I love you", and other weird stuff like that. Other members of their friend group do it too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 551

Get back to work, slacker!

By ??? - 06/08/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work, humming to myself while scrolling through memes. I started laughing and I said out loud, “You’re so stupid” to my phone. Someone in the next stall said, “Excuse me?” and I had to fake a cough and flush just to escape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 535

LOL what?

By Anonymous - 20/03/2026 12:00

Today, I realized that even if I want to have cute fun and admit when I was wrong, I still get "adulting sucks, get over it" when I joke that I "don't wanna grow apart or up too fast that you don't need me." Jesus, I realized after that there's no such thing as real love anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 354

Teamwork

By Bad impression - 02/08/2025 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I joined a group chat with new coworkers. Trying to be funny, I wrote, “What is this bunch of weirdos up to?” My big boss, who I hadn't noticed was in the chat members, responded, “This is your direct supervisor speaking.” I left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 535

Red flag

By WTF - 08/08/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was interviewing someone for a job at my restaurant. When I said ,"We're like a family here," she wordlessly got up and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 889

Indeed

By Anonymous - 29/11/2025 03:00

Today, I was deleting old contacts on WhatsApp of people I no longer talk to. Later, when I was very tired and was about to go to bed, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying love you and goodnight. It turns out it was actually my ex. Awkward! FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 447

Classic

By Anonymous - 18/07/2026 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was proud of myself for remembering my wallet, keys and phone before leaving for the airport. I got all the way to security before realizing I’d left my passport on the kitchen table, right next to the travel mug I also forgot to bring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 353

Like and subscribe!

By Anonymous - 11/07/2026 09:00 - Canada

Today, after I bought a giant bag of birdseed yesterday because birds kept visiting my balcony, I woke up to dozens of pigeons waiting outside my door like I'd accidentally started a subscription service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 391

Nice to see so much of you

By Anonymous - 20/12/2025 22:00

Today, I had to prepare a good setup to video chat with my friend in Hong Kong. I was so focused on the right lighting and angle, I didn't pay attention to what was in the background… Until my friend started giggling because she saw my tighty whitey-clad ass in the reflection of the mirror behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 468

Bastards!

By Anonymous - 03/07/2026 03:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that my passport expired two days ago, two days before my first vacation abroad. I only found out when the airline employee scanned it at check-in, looked at me with sympathy, and said, "I don't think you're going anywhere today." My friends are currently posting beach photos while I'm filling out passport renewal forms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 676

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The Top

Today, I kept finding ants crawling all over my face. After a while, I realized that they were all coming from my beard. I have had a population of ants living in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 765

You deserved it 56 811

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 3 629

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 930

You deserved it 4 334

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 533

You deserved it 3 211

Today, I was getting a pedicure when the woman sitting next to me asked the lady if she could take the skin she had scraped off my feet home to her birds, because "they love skin." She then described for 20 minutes how her birds love to sit on her when her sunburn is peeling and eat her skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 542

You deserved it 4 388

Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 430

You deserved it 538