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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

#21509753
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (1534)

On 12/31/2015 at 1:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

#21471971
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21235) - you deserved it (1628)

On 09/23/2015 at 7:56pm - misc - by KindaLooksLikeCocaine (man) - United States (California)

Today, I am a Frenchie who's been in England for two months. While wanting to say to my technician that my manager made me groan during our meeting, I said that he made me moan. Now he keeps looking at me with a grin on his face. FML

#546
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21232) - you deserved it (3792)

On 12/18/2008 at 11:30am - misc - by ladyhead - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull)

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21231) - you deserved it (51045)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in my psychology class, the creepy guy who sits beside me every day leans over and says, "I have an upset stomach, I may have to use the bathroom." FML

#19404760
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21230) - you deserved it (2302)

On 04/04/2012 at 12:48am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had the weekend all to ourselves. On the second day, we finally got intimate, with me doing all she asked of her. In return for hard-work, she took my meat in her hand and started making lightsaber noises, before pronouncing "I don't see why people like it so much." FML

#5876001
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21227) - you deserved it (3348)

On 10/18/2009 at 7:29am - intimacy - by Ignitingmylightsaber (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

#21506071
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21226) - you deserved it (2277)

On 12/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by f4444 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got excited about finishing up my laundry detergent and softener, because I could get new ones. FML

#21468066
73 comments

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

#19678999
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21221) - you deserved it (2319)

On 05/25/2012 at 3:55pm - misc - by Broon (man) - United Kingdom (Leeds)

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21221) - you deserved it (4377)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21221) - you deserved it (43497)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21221) - you deserved it (6178)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

#19662141
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21220) - you deserved it (3791)

On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)



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