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Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

#21384778
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15141) - you deserved it (18124)

On 03/31/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by ip7 - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, I tried to pick up two girls by asking them what time it was. They burst out laughing. FML

#38
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15140) - you deserved it (49322)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - love - by SweeT -

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

#4803927
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15141) - you deserved it (60545)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while bored at work I was reading an article online about the local zoo and its animals. I received an email so quickly responded, but when signing off accidentally wrote "thanks hippo" instead of "thanks heaps". To a woman with a weight problem. Who also outranks me. FML

#15193678
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15135) - you deserved it (26378)

On 03/04/2011 at 2:13am - work - by sharni88 (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

#21409743
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15135) - you deserved it (32286)

On 05/13/2015 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15129) - you deserved it (74685)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)

Today, I passed out in my car in a McDonald's parking lot. I got woken up by a cop. FML

#19764261
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (9097)

On 06/10/2012 at 3:46am - misc - by yeyt209 - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I broke my arm, and posted a picture of my X-ray on Facebook to show everyone how bad the break is. Nobody even asked me if I was OK. FML

#18724146
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15120) - you deserved it (34760)

On 01/06/2012 at 5:27am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a friend posted the Facebook status "Ahhh... relief." Trying to be funny, I replied "Why? Did you just poop?" A few hours later, I read her previous posts and found out her dad's in the hospital having heart surgery. Now everyone thinks I'm a heartless dick. FML

#16867532
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15118) - you deserved it (48869)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15116) - you deserved it (26363)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

#19993573
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15107) - you deserved it (39393)

On 07/30/2012 at 11:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15105) - you deserved it (26725)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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