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Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

#12898898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16956) - you deserved it (31911)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:02am - intimacy - by Lewis - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

#3112345
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16941) - you deserved it (67710)

On 06/22/2009 at 3:47am - misc - by tamp (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I fell asleep at work and woke up with penis sharpied on my face. I'm a kindergarten teacher. FML

#20087243
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16936) - you deserved it (31413)

On 09/24/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by Fingkids - United States

Today, I decided to give my dog a bath. Instead, my dog gave me a bath. FML

#21461710
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16930) - you deserved it (3139)

On 08/28/2015 at 1:18pm - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16927) - you deserved it (35407)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

#159157
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you deserved it (62809)

On 02/28/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by wideman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I ate something really sticky so I had to wash my hands and mouth. I saw a tea towel on the bench so I was wiped myself with that. Then I noticed it smelt really bad. I had just cleaned my face with turps. FML

#15195010
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16926) - you deserved it (9731)

On 03/04/2011 at 8:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

#650213
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16907) - you deserved it (142755)

On 03/27/2009 at 8:24pm - misc - by Creep (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said "Good." FML

#13495113
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16906) - you deserved it (35995)

On 10/18/2010 at 2:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

#891545
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (52620)

On 04/09/2009 at 8:13pm - work - by ohhhman (woman) - United States

Today, my dad took my phone away because I "had to be texting while driving in order to wreck my car." I was too ashamed to tell him that a huge bug flew into my face causing me to veer off the road and into a brick mailbox. FML

#21460295
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (6618)

On 08/24/2015 at 10:56pm - misc - by Animeislyfe - United States (Georgia)

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

#14086483
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16896) - you deserved it (34392)

On 12/04/2010 at 6:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to my 15-year-old son why it wouldn't be a good idea to include a picture of the red Power Ranger in his "Weapons throughout history" project. FML

#19365320
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16892) - you deserved it (2837)

On 03/28/2012 at 6:49pm - kids - by laststand11 - United States (Kentucky)



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