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Today, I went to see my grandfather in hospital, to see how well he's recovering from his stroke. He asked who I was. After I told him I'm his grand-daughter, his head almost rolled off his neck in disappointment. FML

by GPemTGM / 04/08/2012 at 6:55am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML

by :$ / 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to ask my mum not to meditate while driving. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 7:59pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

by morethanablondemoment / 08/28/2015 at 12:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said he was too tired to have sex with me because he'd spent the whole day jerking off. FML

by hannieannie / 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

Today, my husband was looking at a bariatric surgery website and asked him what he was reading. He said, "Oh, your anniversary gift. Surprise!" He wasn't kidding. He got mad when I politely declined his gift, then angrily said "You know, it really hurts when you don't like the things I get you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 8:43pm / United States (Louisiana) / Love

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2015 at 7:45am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my school counselor in strict confidence for advice on how to help a friend of mine, who has bulimia. When I got home, I found out that "someone" had called my parents and told them that I'm bulimic. They won't believe the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 11/06/2015 at 4:23pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I was watching 'Tool Academy' with my girlfriend. When asked which Tool I would be, I replied with Power Tool. She then stated I would be 'Tiny Tool'. I'm 240 pounds. I don't know if she was calling me fat, or saying I have a small penis. My best guess would be both. FML

by soundbox / 01/26/2009 at 7:21pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2010 at 1:41pm / United States (Montana) / Work

Today, I switched cell phone service providers, hoping to upgrade. After working out the details and picking a phone in the store, I got home to find my brand new cell can't get a signal in my house. I already signed the two year contract. FML

by klynn267 / 05/09/2012 at 7:03am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

by me / 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was so inexplicably horny that I had to shuffle awkwardly and use my bag to hide the wetness of my pants as I left work for the day. FML

by Hormones apparently / 12/07/2015 at 9:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy