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Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

Today, I sneezed after watching a commercial involving dust. FML

#19016688
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19941) - you deserved it (6549)

On 02/07/2012 at 7:04am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

#21390076
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19940) - you deserved it (16278)

On 04/08/2015 at 3:36pm - misc - by losing the plot (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, while at the gym, a very large man walked over to me and said, "I like wearing all orange to the gym." Not wanting to be rude, I asked why. He looks me up and down and said, "It reminds me of prison." I think I'm going to be jumped. FML

#20089247
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19938) - you deserved it (1563)

On 09/26/2012 at 6:30am - misc - by dontrapeme - United States

Today, I got married. My new husband wanted to carry me over the threshold of our apartment, but he couldn't pick me up. FML

#10922943
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19937) - you deserved it (29169)

On 06/02/2010 at 5:31pm - health - by Official_Person (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went on a picnic with my boyfriend's family. I thought it would be nice to wear my sundress and cowgirl boots. The wind repeatedly picked up my dress in front of everyone, including my boyfriend's seedy grandpa, who I have to admit can do a pretty good wolf-whistle. FML

#19563629
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19931) - you deserved it (6191)

On 05/02/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by EyeSeeYou (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

#18360025
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19929) - you deserved it (12582)

On 11/26/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by _Oblivion_ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19928) - you deserved it (6415)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

#20498986
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19927) - you deserved it (40798)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML

#12657778
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19923) - you deserved it (31290)

On 08/21/2010 at 2:09am - health - by clitorasaurus (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went on a second date with a guy I really liked, and we started chatting over dinner. That's when he told me about his paranoia, and how he's unsure if I'm out to get him or not. FML

#19747527
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19923) - you deserved it (1946)

On 06/07/2012 at 12:12am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, my friends and I held an intervention for my fiancé. He's been talking and behaving like an "old-timey cowboy" non-stop for the last three months. Our wedding is in a month and he refuses to marry me if I can't accept his "life choices." FML

#20149952
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19923) - you deserved it (3181)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:42am - love - by cowgirl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, depressed about a recent break-up with my long-term boyfriend, I bought a book about moving on after a relationship ends. The cashier placed some standard promotional fliers in my bag during check-out. Once home, I pulled out the fliers. They were for a married couples retreat. FML

#19404981
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19920) - you deserved it (2558)

On 04/04/2012 at 1:43am - love - by heartsick (woman) - United States (Iowa)



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