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Today, my dad thought it'd be funny to put an Edward Cullen cutout behind my car as I backed it out the garage to see my reaction. Oh it was funny alright, except I was so scared that when I saw him through the mirror I reacted by stepping on the gas. We now have half a garage door. FML

#7605430
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22602) - you deserved it (7739)

On 01/27/2010 at 1:21am - misc - by garage - Sent from mobile version

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22599) - you deserved it (2235)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

#20539833
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22599) - you deserved it (48939)

On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

#13665915
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22598) - you deserved it (4896)

On 10/31/2010 at 5:27pm - intimacy - by jo1429 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML

#258
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22595) - you deserved it (12254)

On 11/09/2008 at 4:18am - health - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML

#19438168
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22591) - you deserved it (2534)

On 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

#19373619
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22587) - you deserved it (2497)

On 03/29/2012 at 11:48pm - misc - by LassieToe (woman) - Australia

Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

#7070620
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22587) - you deserved it (3725)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:21am - intimacy - by welted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (2269)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

#21399405
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (2189)

On 04/25/2015 at 8:58am - work - by Anonymous (man) - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

#8598142
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22585) - you deserved it (2909)

On 02/23/2010 at 8:26pm - misc - by susan - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went back to work after being sick for a week. While I was gone, they hired a new manager. Trying to score bonus points, and possibly a raise, I went to shake her hand and introduce myself. Just as I was about to say "Hello, my name is-" I sneezed right in her face. FML

#13686698
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22588) - you deserved it (5760)

On 11/02/2010 at 10:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad suggested that as an alternative to buying me new school clothes that actually fit, I should just join the swim team, lose some weight, and wear my stuff from last year. FML

#17398153
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22585) - you deserved it (12971)

On 08/07/2011 at 3:41pm - misc - by swmmr (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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