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The all-time greatest FMLs

All shook up

By Anonymous - 12/11/2022 06:00 - Germany

Today, I realized that apparently there are only two general states of mind in my life: 1) Utter mental and physical exhaustion while wondering whether my job has irrevocably ruined my health yet, or 2) depression and latent panic for being an unemployed loser with no stable income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 149

Summon the demons

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 10:00

Today, after my son lost an eye in an accident, he has recently been fitted with a professionally made false eye. I thought I could trust him to take it seriously, but nope, turns out when getting the eye made, he secretly insisted the eye be a mixture of blood red and fire yellow to look demonic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 293

Fresh start, sort of…

By robbed - 02/09/2023 22:00

Today, my ex-girlfriend from high school has been at her new college for a week. She broke up with me because she wanted to meet new people and leave high school behind her. That was understandable… until my best friend showed me texts from her trying to arrange to hook up with him when she’s back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 110

Permission granted and rejected

By Anonymous - 28/09/2023 04:00

Today, my wife lost interest in sex a long time ago. I’ve tried to reignite her interest lately, which culminated in an argument where she gave me permission to go out and shag other women. We might as well divorce at this point if she’s going to say things like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 146

Phoneless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 23:00

Today, in a rush to get to the gym after work for a class, I left my phone in the office. It's Friday and the building will be locked until Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 416

Disappearing act

By BrokeAfnow - 02/05/2021 02:01

Today, it was my son’s birthday. I took him out to a eat and wanted to surprise him with a new iPhone. I handed the waitress the iPhone and asked her to bring it out with the cake I brought. The cake comes out, without the iPhone. The waitress said she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 1 356

The trap

By I hate my life - 15/11/2022 18:00 - Indonesia

Today, I came into work late, tried to sneak in, but got caught by my supervisor. Usually I wake up at 7am, hit the road around 7.30, arrive at work before 8am. Today I woke up at 5am, thought that I could go back to sleep for 2 hours, I went back to bed. When I woke up, it was already 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 602

Classic mistake

By Katy - 14/02/2023 18:00

Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 381

People will always need plumbers

By ThisIsYourDoc - 15/03/2023 14:00

Today, my hourly wage as a doctor is exactly 80 cents more than the hourly wage of my friend's, who did an apprenticeship with no extra diploma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 271

Knackered

By mala_19 - 23/11/2022 14:00 - Sweden - Skellefte?

Today, I'm six weeks pregnant and so far I've had more naps than I've had in my entire adulthood. My last pregnancy I got put on sick leave, partly because I was so exhausted. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 240

Nice try

By Gog - 26/05/2021 07:59

Today, someone tried to scam me by selling me a ticket to a Chris Cornell concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 113

Not the brightest bulb

By Anonymous - 26/07/2023 03:00

Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 111

Intervention

By Anonymous - 25/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, we all got together and showed Dad, with evidence from our ring doorbell and our phone recordings, that I’m the only one he shouts at, yet with everyone else he controls his temper perfectly. The end result? He sent everyone out so he could yell at me about violating his privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 138

Excuses, excuses

By jenn - 24/10/2021 17:00

Today, my daughter didn't clean the bathroom today, even though I told her yesterday that she needed to do it. She claims she forgot, because, she’s "slept since then.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 239

Backwards backwoods brainrot

By Anonymous - 03/05/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I’ve had to threaten my husband with divorce unless he drops this disgusting and archaic idea of forcing our daughters to do “virginity pledges.” He even wants to rent out a venue and have a “purity ball” to celebrate this nonsense with his caveman friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 161

Yodelling

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 04:00

Today, I found out that I can only sing well when I'm absolutely certain that no one can hear me. On the rare occasion that people can actually hear me, they always say I "sound just like Elvis." Unfortunately, when I try to sing in front of other people, I sound more like a teenage boy who just started puberty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 163

Boring

By Talentles.Bitch - 17/03/2023 06:00

Today, yet again I was made to feel how talentless and boring of a person I am. I have great academic achievements, making me one among the top 0.02% youth of my country, but am so uninteresting and introverted that people don't want to be friends with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 252

Not prepared enough

By Anonymous - 09/11/2020 05:01

Today, I had a maths test and I realised that I'd studied the wrong topics. The teacher said the test would be difficult and I stayed up till 1 a.m. just to be prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 537

Need help

By Nohelpforyou - 04/03/2022 12:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was so depressed that I almost called Kids Help Phone for support. Then I remembered that I’m 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 157

Intrusive thoughts

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 14:00

Today, at a BBQ, my boyfriend's friend told us, “Oh, this reminds my of the time I got third degree burns on my dick.” He’s been trying to talk to me, and I keep thinking about it how it must look like Freddie Kruger's. I don’t know what I just agreed to help him with, but I’m sure it will be a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 295

You get what you paid for

By María González - 19/05/2023 03:00 - Spain - Madrid

Today, while I was at work as a receptionist in a hotel in Spain, an entitled woman was pissed because her reservation didn't have breakfast included. I'd offered her three times the option to add it. She declined because she had to pay for it. She was pissed that she had to pay to include the breakfast in her reservation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 102

You tried!

By Anonymous - 20/02/2021 00:30 - Germany

Today, my mom, not gifted for household chores, proudly announced that she cleaned the toilet. As it turns out, what she'd primarily cleaned was the deodorizer inside the toilet. Then she tried for the stains inside the bowl, unsuccessfully, then she gave up. But yeah, great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 103

BREAKING NEWS

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I got to find out via a news article that Tucker Carlson apparently wants to do the Green M&M cartoon from the commercials. I didn't need to know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 343

By Touriste26 - 07/03/2016 03:50 - Republic of Panama

Today, my boyfriend and I are going on vacation to Panama. When we landed, our suitcases were missing and the airline has no clue where they are. It’s 32 degrees Celsius outside, and all we have is our winter jackets and a pair of jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 133

Thanks a lot

By Not a maid - 14/07/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 179

Lonely

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 02:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, the only notification I got on my phone all day was a reminder I set to take a fibre supplement and stool softener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 161

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 23:02

Today, I told my girlfriend that one of my intellectually challenged friends now holds an engineering position at an aircraft company. She wasn't a fan of flying before, and now refuses to set foot anywhere near any aircraft of any kind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 268

Once bitten…

By Ben Moy - 02/02/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 120

Boozehounds

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 17:01

Today, my fiancé refused to talk to me because I'm "an alcoholic". I only started drinking like this after we moved in together and he brought me alcohol every day, because he's an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 368

Useless

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 246

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The Top

Today, I did something you never ever should do. I removed the screw in the shower drain. What I didn't know was that it's impossible to know if the shower will leak afterwards. I just wanted to properly clean the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 308

Today, I got my boyfriend's pants down for the first time and turns out my thumb is bigger than his erect penis. I already know he has weak tongue technique, but this is an extra slap in the face I do not need. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 259

You deserved it 380

Today, after 4 months of severe depression, I finally found an antidepressant that works. The downside? I no longer have any interest or gain pleasure in any of my hobbies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 118

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 370

You deserved it 4 530

Today, I went to the supermarket to buy my weekly groceries and only realized after a long queue at the checkout, then having the cashier scan my entire cart, that I'd forgotten my purse. I had to leave everything behind and walk out empty-handed, while everyone in line behind me gave me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 318

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 2 819