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Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 631

You deserved it 4 923

Nice try, Mom

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 02:00

Today, my mom lost an argument and tried to ground me. I’m 43 years-old and own my own house, so yes, she actually tried to tell me to stay grounded in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 73

Vacation blues

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was headed on vacation with my family. On the way, our trailer tire blew out. Because the trailer was tilted from the flat tire, the door would not open to get the spare. After breaking the window to get the spare and putting it on, the spare blew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 288

You deserved it 2 115

Floored

By smashyonewfloors - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Canada - High River

Today, my crew and I were berated by a client for not installing her new hardwood floor on time. We were only halfway through the day, but apparently it should have only taken "like, an hour?" because "The guys on the TV shows do it that fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 317

You deserved it 2 916

Business savvy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 127

You deserved it 634

You played yourself

By Anonymous - 17/09/2025 00:00

Today, my idiot daughter is sat next to me crying because she took her ex to court for child support, convinced she was gonna get paid, even though her kids live with their dad full time. Now she's paying HIM child support and can’t afford her flat anymore, so she wants to move in with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 137

Turnaround

By grrrr - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Feeling bad, I texted him a few hours later apologizing. He said it was fine and that he went ahead and picked up a girl from the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 223

You deserved it 48 721

Yummy

By Massasam - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was late for work. Trying to cut a few seconds off the clock, I tried to open my breakfast candy bar while taking a piss. I ended up pissing all over myself and dropping the bar in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 831

You deserved it 42 483

Nice try

By idiotwithaface - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I recently graduated from high school and I went to a college party. I met these girls and told them I graduated college already, to sound cool. I then heard one of them say, "I went to middle school with you, and I was in your math class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 568

You deserved it 62 673

Touch crowd

By Ouch - 17/02/2026 09:00

Today, I got home from work and was immediately greeted by my wife following me around, moaning and complaining endlessly. I got so fed up that I went into the fridge, cut some cheese, and gave it to her, saying, "Some cheese to go with the whine." She broke the plate over my head. It was worth it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 182

Quite rightly so

By Doomed to be fat - 14/03/2026 09:00

Today, after my ex helped me drop over a hundred pounds, I broke up with him because I looked and felt so much better, and knew I could do better. Turns out he was the only thing keeping me slim, as I've put back on over twenty pounds. I asked him to take me back and he told me to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 1 479

Leave me alone!

By Anonymous - 21/03/2026 12:00

Today, despite my insistence that I didn't need her, my mom showed up at my door to move in to "help out" after my wife's death. I refused to let her in, so now she's staying at a hotel, and the whole family is angry at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 93

Toxic

By DontheRon - 26/03/2026 20:00

Today, I reported the girl I like’s new boyfriend to be trespassed from our workplace for being disruptive. I’m sick of him coming in and bringing her lunch and acting lovey dovey. My plan successfully worked, he is no longer welcome on the premises, but now half the office hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 1 210

Naughty boy

By Stoopiddogbot - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to find the dog had learned how to open our stair-gate and kitchen door, devoured the entire fruitcake I'd made for a special occasion, and then vomited said fruitcake all over the fabric sofa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 104

You deserved it 4 509

Rock on, dude

By sammers27 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Scottsdale

Today, a weird guy in pajama pants and a fake hair-hat kept standing by us at a concert. Everyone talked about what a creep he was. I would have too, but he was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 561

You deserved it 4 958

Never enough, never

By Viscerion - 26/05/2025 22:00 - Japan - Chiyoda-ku

Today, I handed over to my wife a new PC I had just built for her. She's now not talking to me, as I had been completely selfish and hadn't thought of her, all because I did not preinstall Google Chrome or move the Windows 11 start menu to the left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 89

In this economy?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, the good news is that my girlfriend is pregnant. The bad news is that twins run in her family. Worse, so do triplets, and I just recently lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 189

Amazing idea, idiot

By Anonymous - 31/05/2025 16:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 91

Choose your moments, love

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 16:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, my girlfriend cried that I'm never available for her when she has a difficult time. I do everything I can to be available for her, but I draw the line at spending 30+ minutes at work listening to her cry over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 93

Keep out of it

By Melanie - 11/06/2025 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was in a heated argument with my partner. In the middle of it, Alexa stated, “I’m not sure about that.” We both paused. Then she added, “But it doesn’t sound healthy.” We were both so startled that we stopped arguing and just stared at the speaker like it was judging us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 468

What's Charlie Sheen up to these days?

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother, a real Alan Harper-type of snivelling parasite, has been sleeping on my sofa for over a week since his girlfriend threw him out. If I kick him out, the guilt will eat me alive, but now my wife has informed me I’m never getting sex again until he’s gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 216

Does the body rule the mind, or does the mind rule the body?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out that I’ve broken up with every man I’ve dated, teen years to adulthood, for no reason. I left my soulmate convinced my body was rejecting him physically. It turns out I have involuntary pelvic spasms and need therapy to dilate, and also therapy due to anxiety with penetration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 173

Mr Hyde comes out at night

By Anonymous - 27/06/2025 12:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I woke up to 20 unread messages from my friend asking why I sent her stuff like, “I hate you” and “Get lost” at 3 a.m. Turns out I sleep-texted during a nightmare. Now I have to grovel and apologize for something I don't even remember doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 161

Third wheel

By Anonymous - 01/07/2025 00:00 - France - Marseille

Today, I figured out why the guy I secretly love became so friendly with me. It appears that we became friends so that he could get closer to my very best friend and flirt with her. They’re now happily together and my best friend tells me all day long about him, and how they made out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 131

Someone needs a good talking to

By Anonymous - 02/07/2025 11:00 - United States - Riverside

Today, my husband once again woke me up in the wee hours to have sex. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is great but as soon as he nuts he rolls over and goes right back to sleep. I however am stuck awake and can’t get back to sleep no matter how hard I try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 145

Industrial logs

By wow - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 694

You deserved it 37 326

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 22/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 113

Do my eyes deceive me?

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I received the ticket for my upcoming flight. The booking reference code is “CR4SH”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 83

Level playing field

By Ughhh - 19/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my husband got upset that I'm not willing to explore weird kinks with him. I had a wild phase when I was younger, and he didn't, so he thinks it's unfair that I got to experiment and he didn't. Sorry you don't know what you like, but I'm not your sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 736

Pissed

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to take a drug test for a new job. I ended up spilling the cup of piss all over myself. I had to explain what had happened, then go sit in a waiting room full of disgusted-looking people, while I kept drinking water to fill my bladder back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 725

You deserved it 6 584

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years who had taken a job in a new city last month came into town and told me that she had slept with a co-worker last Friday. Last Friday I was incredibly lonely but I turned down a very attractive woman because I didn't want to hurt my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 958

You deserved it 5 833

Today, I got a migraine. I work in an arcade with lots of bright lights, loud noises and screaming children. I was stuck in there for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 442

You deserved it 3 227

Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 205

You deserved it 4 692

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 129

You deserved it 29 879

Today, my hubby asked me what we were doing for dinner. He'd already asked me twice and each time I responded, he said, "Sounds good." He has no idea why I feel like he doesn't listen to me. He's been doing this shit for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 353

Today, after I fired a guy two weeks ago for being a lazy ass, I'd put his job out for applicants to apply, I was going to have the interviews. My assistant informed me only one person applied. It was him, applying to get his job back. I had to rehire him because the position needed filling today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 564