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Dream house

By Anonymous - 29/01/2026 15:00

Today, my wife wanted more space, so we moved to a new house. I signed a more expensive one-year lease and went through a huge move. Everything would’ve been fine if she hadn’t broken up with me one month later. Now I’m trying to renegotiate the lease and sleeping on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 74

Hard work

By Maths - 02/02/2026 03:00

Today, I was helping my kid with homework after work. I tried to Google “third grade long division explained simply.” Autocomplete filled in “because I don’t understand it either,” which I read out loud without thinking. My kid stared at me and said, “So… who’s teaching who?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 355

Romance is dead

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Bemidji

Today, I tried to lift my girlfriend and spin her around like in a Rom-Com. I started the spin, then heard a pop. The pain caused me to yelp and fall to the floor, dropping her on top of me. I dislocated my kneecap trying to be romantic. She only weighs about 90 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 631

You deserved it 13 848

Hey good lookin'

By Juggalomayne - 12/02/2026 20:00

Today, at the library, I saw my ex for the first time in two years, about 100lbs lighter and super hot. She’s engaged now. I asked her why she couldn’t do that for me when we were together. She replied, “Because my man loved me at my worst, unlike you. So he deserves me at my best. Have a nice day.” and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 1 150

Isn't that some sort of crime?

By WHAT HAPPENED TO CHIVALRY - 16/02/2026 09:00

Today, my toddler bolted in a parking lot, running through lanes of cars, right past a man, and forcing me to drop everything I was holding and catch him. I gave the man hell, demanding to know why he didn't even try to stop my child from running into traffic. He just said, "Not my kid, not my problem." Asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 1 111

Relaxed and chill

By Anonymous - 19/02/2026 22:00

Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 106

How could you?

By Anonymous - 23/02/2026 15:00

Today, I'm being called despicable, cruel, and heartless because I refused to take in my deceased sister's four kids, which resulted in them being put in separate foster homes. I'm 20, live in a tiny studio apartment, and attend college and work full-time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 86

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 25/02/2026 09:00

Today, I surprised my 10-year-old nephew with an invitation to my family's upcoming Disney Cruise for his birthday, since he previously said he wanted to go. He said no. He'd "changed his mind." The ticket is nonrefundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 93

Breeder

By Anonymous - 27/02/2026 03:00

Today, hoping to earn some extra cash, I spent a fortune on a purebred pit bull so I could breed her. To my horror, the ad lied about her and she had already been spayed. When I tried to contact the seller to get my money back, they just replied, “Serves you right, backyard breeder” and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 1 054

Leaving blues

By Anonymous - 10/03/2025 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight when I realized I had forgotten my passport at home. I panicked, called my mom in a frenzy, only to realize I was holding my passport in my wallet the entire time. It was so embarrassing, and my mom will probably never let me forget it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 447

Many such cases

By Link - 11/03/2025 17:00 - United States - Pittsfield

Today, a friend was moving away, and they told me go grab their credit card. I did, and she bought me Dunkin' Donuts, then I tripped and dumped both our drinks. Into her face. I tried to say "Fuck!" and "I didn't mean to do that to you!" but ended up yelling "FUCK YOU!" in the middle of a parking lot. I never saw her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 434

Corruption, corruption everywhere

By Anonymous - 15/03/2025 12:00 - Czechia

Today, a student told me to "F*** off!" I reported it to my boss and the student's parent, who is also a teacher at the school. My boss deemed it a minor issue and said we wouldn't be following discipline policy. Now, my boss frequently visits my classroom to bully me, likely due to the two of them being drinking buddies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 92

Oddly specific reference

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend whispered, “Grond will breach it” into my ear, all sexy like. I had no idea what he was on about, so when we were done screwing I looked it up. Grond is a battering ram from a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings that smashes a gate open. Just why? Nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 389

Call CPS

By Help please - 31/03/2025 06:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I caught my son "experimenting" with his female friend. When I called her mom and told her what was happening, she said, "I didn't raise a whore. You can keep her!" and hung up. They're both 9. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 140

Suave

By Quiet is sexy - 03/04/2025 23:00 - Romania

Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 151

Dating is hell

By Pauline - 14/04/2025 12:00 - United States

Today, after I finally matched with someone who could spell, had a job, and liked dogs. Mid-date, he said climate change is a hoax and offered me Ivermectin for my allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 176

Sir…

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a restaurant with some friends, trying to be cultured by ordering in French. I confidently said to the waiter, “Je voudrais le poulet, s'il vous plaît.” The waiter stared at me and said, “Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 852

Let 'em loose

By Anonymous - 07/05/2025 09:00 - United States - Washington

Today, I sat next to my crush in class in a very loose, low-hanging shirt in the front (my mother had made me wear it, I didn't want to), and I felt so giddy because he kept staring at me in shock. No, not because I'm so beautiful, but because my boobs were hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 415

Never engage with crazy

By Anonymous - 18/05/2025 15:00 - China

Today, I encountered a madman who threw a bottle at me and hurt me. In a fit of rage, I beat him up, and as a result I was taken to the police station, and ordered to pay compensation for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 420

You deserved it 355

Doesn't everyone do this?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 128

Isn't this, like, a crime?

By Anonymous - 28/05/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend blows weed smoke at me while I sleep. I don’t smoke. Then he turns off the Ring camera in the middle of the night and cheats on me with men that he finds on Grindr. FML

I agree, your life sucks 702

You deserved it 165

Dude, gross!

By Darkness Inside - 13/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my dad learned that I sometimes waffle stomp in the shower if I wake up late. He built a shower stall outside and has threatened to kick me out if he ever finds me showering inside again. I get that it's kinda gross but this is a massive overreaction. What will I do in winter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 1 419

That'll do

By Anonymous - 17/06/2025 20:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, while my best friend's dad was dying, I raced to get her brother who I had never met. I had no idea how to make him feel better so I gave him a plastic glow-in-the-dark duck. I gave a grown man a trinket to try to make him feel better about his father dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 156

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 22/06/2025 14:00 - United States - Altoona

Today, after my girlfriend had said she was cooking surprise dinner for me this week, the crazy thing is I came home early from work and the surprise dinner was she was eating some dude's cock and balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 120

Messed up

By Anonymous - 26/06/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my therapist told me she can’t see me by herself anymore because frankly I have so many problems, I need separate therapists, each with their own specialties, to work together on me as a team. I didn’t think it was that bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 114

Impressive indeed

By Chad - 28/06/2025 03:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying to impress someone by doing pull-ups. I got halfway up, froze, and then slowly slipped down like a dying horse. It felt like the whole park had stopped to watch. I tried to laugh it off, but I’m pretty sure they’re still talking about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 425

Grumpy face

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 21:00

Today, my daughter confidently told me that I’m not allowed to ignore her when she’s sulking on purpose. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Clearly this child has spent too long listening to my ex-wife and her coven of brain-dead cackling witches, AKA her mother and aunties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 158

Bad influence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 003

You deserved it 6 048

Wishful thinking

By Anonymous - 15/07/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife told me she’s pregnant and we went through the whole range of emotions together, surprise, happiness, tears, anger, acceptance, you name it. An hour later she said she wanted to save the pregnancy test for memories. Guess she forgot her glasses, it very clearly says NOT pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 104

How deep is your rake?

By Anonymous - 23/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, in a scene worthy of any comedy movie, I slipped and landed on my ass right on the garden rake my husband left in the grass. Sounds funny, right? Well, I have 9 holes in my ass and thigh that need stitches. One of them came close to poking my femoral artery, so technically I almost died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 92

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The Top

Today, my knee was dislocated. At a haunted house. By a midget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 310

Today, after a week of persistent allergy symptoms, I finally went to the doctor. The cause of everything was an ear infection. After getting an ear cleaning, all of my symptoms - including a sore throat and head, and constantly feeling as though I was going to vomit - disappeared. My ears didn't feel weird at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 126

Today, I realised my husband of 14 years is addicted to his phone. It's the first thing he sees in the morning, and last thing he looks at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 168

Today, at 30 years-old, I can finally move out. I could have chosen an apartment close to work, but instead I decided to stay close to where my mother lives. Since I told her, she's been complaining that I'm selfish and I'm creating a lot of problems for her by moving so far away. I'll be living half a block from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 319

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 283

You deserved it 360

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart next to my brother in the car. Apparently, his carsickness is exacerbated by strong smells. I now know what it feels like to have lap full of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 643

You deserved it 39 001