By stitchesupmyass - United States Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML I agree, your life sucks 48596 You deserved it 4659 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By awkwardgayboi - United States Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have our first "Cybering" experience. I downloaded Skype per his instructions, and hooked up my cam. Just as everything started getting hot and heavy, I farted. He stopped and frowned. I had no idea it was a video AND voice program. FML I agree, your life sucks 21829 You deserved it 92370 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Simon - France Today, as a prank I shook my girlfriend's can of soda. I hadn't noticed that it was already open. FML I agree, your life sucks 6125 You deserved it 53334 60 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Help - Australia Today, at work, I found a used condom in the fax machine. I'm the electrical maintenance repair for the company. I have to untangle it from the belts. FML I agree, your life sucks 30965 You deserved it 2034 116 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Noname - United States Today, I woke up at 5:15, snow blowed and salted the driveway for over an hour, left early and drove an hour on shitty roads just to get to work on time only to be laid off. FML I agree, your life sucks 38779 You deserved it 1859 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Luke - United States Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML I agree, your life sucks 18332 You deserved it 36292 166 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, on Dr. Phil… Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1754 You deserved it 431 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonely dreams - United States - Reno Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML I agree, your life sucks 41284 You deserved it 6769 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mia - United States - Astoria Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML I agree, your life sucks 51192 You deserved it 7215 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML I agree, your life sucks 5958 You deserved it 615 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, I told my husband I want to lose the baby weight I put on with my recent pregnancy, and once I succeed I will go on a clothes shopping spree. To this he remarked, "So either way I'm spending money; either on food or on clothes." FML I agree, your life sucks 26110 You deserved it 10773 136 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Clifton Park Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML I agree, your life sucks 31140 You deserved it 3074 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Zach - United States - Lewes Today, I found out the only reason my parents haven't kicked me out yet is because of my OCD which makes me clean the house every single day. FML I agree, your life sucks 33959 You deserved it 3594 103 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I woke up next to my best friend after lots of drinking and the best sex I've ever had in my life. The only problem is we're both straight males. FML I agree, your life sucks 54988 You deserved it 44667 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By noooo!!! - United States Today, I made my brother go to the grocery store to get some frozen pizzas. Ten minutes after he left, the power cut out. Still no power. Still hungry. FML I agree, your life sucks 22394 You deserved it 3932 125 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mushroomless - United States - Thayne Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML I agree, your life sucks 25605 You deserved it 1865 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML I agree, your life sucks 34081 You deserved it 5940 79 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NoMoreTrumpetBlowing - United Kingdom Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML I agree, your life sucks 70804 You deserved it 8950 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By KJS - United States Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML I agree, your life sucks 24201 You deserved it 7043 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Oops Today, I turned on my ceiling fan for the first time in months. I then watched as hundreds of furry spiders were flung across the room at high speed, in a circular pattern. FML I agree, your life sucks 15091 You deserved it 1773 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By DaggerHole - Australia Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML I agree, your life sucks 40043 You deserved it 16410 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By miewann - United States - Mount Holly Today, I got fired from my new waitress job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked my friend who works there what really happened. Apparently not showing my boobs enough at a family place was grounds for dismissal. FML I agree, your life sucks 32086 You deserved it 2552 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Rancho Cucamonga Today, my boss decided that, because I got dragged into a vacation that I didn't even want to go on, she was going to take a promotion back before she even gave it to me. I don't know what's worse, losing the promotion or going on that crappy vacation. FML I agree, your life sucks 18267 You deserved it 1810 25 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Cravings Today, it's been so long since my wife has been interested in me intimately, I became aroused when a woman touched my arm while talking to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 2297 You deserved it 211 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By pocahontas - United States Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML I agree, your life sucks 35507 You deserved it 6873 105 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML I agree, your life sucks 32638 You deserved it 13325 209 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - United States Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML I agree, your life sucks 68131 You deserved it 5617 219 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 15/1/2021 19:58 What's the point? Today, my university required us to set learning goals for each semester and then evaluate them later. And no, the answer, "I want to learn whatever they teach me in the classes I’m taking" isn't permitted. Neither is picking your own classes. FML I agree, your life sucks 684 You deserved it 131 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By petpeeeve - United States Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in our relationship and it was great. He drove me back to my house and walked me to the door, then instead of kissing me goodbye he patted me on the back. Twice. FML I agree, your life sucks 113662 You deserved it 10220 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SerenityJ - United States - Mountain View Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML I agree, your life sucks 54805 You deserved it 7093 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Pass Christian Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try some "prolonging gel" to help him last longer between the sheets. Surprisingly, it worked, and he lasted 3 times longer than usual. I can now enjoy 4 whole minutes of sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 51344 You deserved it 6644 148 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Liz - United States - Salt Lake City He Tried? Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML I agree, your life sucks 5746 You deserved it 749 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Roxy19 - United States - San Diego Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML I agree, your life sucks 11364 You deserved it 39417 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By loling - United Kingdom Communication Breakdown Today, I found out a guy I had a thing with a while back thinks I am obsessed with him. This is because when he said that we should be friends, I stupidly thought he was being sincere and bothered to call him all of three times in the last five months. Clearly a sign of obsession. FML I agree, your life sucks 30383 You deserved it 3844 94 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Goole Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML I agree, your life sucks 30911 You deserved it 5180 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bill Harrison - United States Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML I agree, your life sucks 32349 You deserved it 6720 72 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Harvey knicks grandad - 10/2/2021 21:58 - United Kingdom Father of the year Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML I agree, your life sucks 955 You deserved it 203 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By foreveralone Spin on this Today, I had my first kiss. It would have been great if I wasn't playing spin the bottle as a 23-year-old. FML I agree, your life sucks 1532 You deserved it 343 9 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my brother's home for his annual visit, lectures my parents once about their eating habits. They promptly throw away all of their junk food. I'm there every Sunday, and have been telling them to eat healthier for medical reasons. They never listen. He's in sales, and I'm in med school. FML I agree, your life sucks 27872 You deserved it 3061 147 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cheshirealyce - United States - Jacksonville Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML I agree, your life sucks 36509 You deserved it 2805 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Charlie Given | 23 #7684364 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 23:28 LMFAO I used fire crackers on my little brother once when he wouldn't get up for school 😂 Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By adelaine782002 | 17 #7684448 - Wednesday 29 August 2018 4:53 My parents would bang pots and pans together to get us up. 😖 Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By Charlie Given | 23 #7684364 - Tuesday 28 August 2018 23:28 LMFAO I used fire crackers on my little brother once when he wouldn't get up for school 😂 Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By adelaine782002 | 17 #7684448 - Wednesday 29 August 2018 4:53 My parents would bang pots and pans together to get us up. 😖 Send a private message 0 0 Reply
By devi_916 | 39 #7684702 - Wednesday 29 August 2018 15:27 I would hurt someone that woke me up like this. lol. I am by no means a morning person. Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked... I agree, your life sucks 668 You deserved it 118 5 Comments
Today, my boyfriend hasn’t asked for sex in a while, like months, and when I asked him about it he admitted that every day I shout at him, snap at him... I agree, your life sucks 260 You deserved it 3235 20 Comments