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Workout

By Anonymous - 04/07/2025 22:00 - Canada

Today, my fitness tracker congratulated me on reaching 10,000 steps. Feeling slightly proud of myself for sticking to my health goals, I went to bed early, only to find out it was counting the steps I took pacing around, trying to find my lost keys for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 194

You deserved it 301

A lot to unpack here

By Anonymous - 14/08/2025 22:00 - Germany

Today, my crazy cousin copies and buys whatever I buy. Like I bought an electric razor to shave my legs and privates, and she took a photo of it to buy the exact same one for herself for the same reason. In a hospital situation that required her to shave her privates, her husband did it for her as she doesn't know how. FML

I agree, your life sucks 303

You deserved it 102

What does she have that I don't?

By cellie - 18/10/2025 15:00

Today, my ex is doing with his new girl all the things I begged him to do during our relationship. She gets Just Because flowers (he only got me flowers once and complained how expensive they were), trips (he told me he hated traveling), and apparently an engagement ring (he said he didn’t believe in marriage). FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 160

Dominatrix

By Grudges - 01/11/2025 20:00

Today, I found an odd notebook in my wife's desk and opened it. I learned why our sex life has gotten so boring: every time I upset her, she secretly bans something sexual. For instance: "June 16th - dented car - no more lingerie" or "August 9th - forgot wallet on date night - no more rope play." FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 127

Where's Daddy?

By Sypha - 28/11/2025 09:00

Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 557

Old deathtrap

By defectivesuperhero - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 681

You deserved it 439

You do you

By JesstheMess - 21/02/2025 17:00 - United States - Albertville

Today, dieting is making me depressed and I'm so hungry. I don't even care about losing weight, but my boyfriend is and he's doing a low fat diet with me for my health, so I'm going to do the low calorie thing with him. I also feel like I'm not doing well enough in the gym and it's hurting so bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 206

Unionize!

By Anonymous - 11/03/2025 19:00

Today, I found out my wife has been sleeping with one of my employees. Now, I can divorce her no problem, but turns out I can’t fire him for personal reasons because he’s in the union. That means I have to work every day with a man who has been inside the woman I shared marriage vows with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 121

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I was invited to a friend's wedding. When I got there, I was surprised to see that it was a surprise wedding, meaning I wasn’t invited at all. I stood there awkwardly for an hour, until the bride's mother finally noticed me and whispered, "You're not on the guest list, are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 108

Baby Got Back

By BigBack - 14/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I came home early from work because I wasn’t feeling well. I overheard a phone conversation that my husband was having in the living room. “Yeah dude, I ain’t attracted to that bitch no more, she got a big back now, but she pays the bills and I got a roof over me, so it’s good, you feel me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 114

Not for everyone

By lol - 16/05/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, on a whim, I decided to try parkour. I climbed a chain link fence and fell off, right onto my face. Then the owner of the property shouted at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 752

How could you?

By Anonymous - 04/06/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife was in labour and bouncing on her inflatable ball to relieve the pain when it popped. This thing has lasted her entire pregnancy and it chose to burst now, sending her crashing to the floor groin first while 8 cm dilated. And as the husband, it is of course all my fault, you bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 111

Modernish rejection

By Liarssuckk - 24/06/2025 06:00 - United States

Today, the girl who rejected me because she said she was a lesbian got Facebook official with another guy. I called her out on her lying and she replied, “Take it as a hint, now get out of my Messenger before I call the zookeeper.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 751

Uninvited

By Boner Jim - 24/07/2025 14:00 - United States

Today, my girl came home and said, "I'm gonna jump in the shower, I'm horny as fuck." Naturally, I assumed that was an invitation, so I lit some candles quickly and hopped on the bed, waiting for her. She got out, looked at me funny and said, "The fuck are you doing? I want to masturbate. Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 131

Good luck

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 15:00

Today, I went home with the guy I’ve been casually seeing. His place was a disgusting pigsty so I made an excuse to leave. Later he texted me, ending things. Online I saw him bitching about how no one can pass his “girlfriend test” and that a real woman would happily clean for her man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 64

Small world after all

By Anonymous - 15/09/2025 20:00

Today, I am now living a nightmare. The house on my left side was just bought by my cheating ex from years ago who I never wanted to see again, and the house on my right side has just had an offer put on it by my boss, whom I despise for being a lazy, entitled rich mama's boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 96

Antiwork

By GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT - 31/10/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home and said he'd been fired from his minimum wage cashier job. He added that since I make enough to cover the bills, he wants to take a break from "working and shit." I stared at him, mouth agape, and he thought I was offering him a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 136

Recluse

By Anonymous - 09/12/2025 03:00

Today, I realized I am the neighborhood pariah. I have a vaca house on a lake, and every year the neighborhood holds a Friendsgiving Party. I wasn't invited. I only found out it that it happened when I saw the Facebook photos. I have no idea why I was excluded. I must be the world's biggest a-hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 122

Weeb

By MonroeA - 19/01/2025 02:42 - United States

Today, my husband declared that his “dream” girl is a petite, black-haired Asian girl between the ages of 18-24. I am 37, 5’9, and a blonde Caucasian woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 187

Canine alarm clock

By ManlyStallion - 20/01/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 212

Help!

By This is gonna suck - 02/02/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my workplace is having a karaoke night. Most of our regulars are horrible singers, so this doesn't bode well for me, a person with rather sensitive ears. I'd like to bring my headphones along, but they broke yesterday. Please send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 318

Here comes the flood

By Soaked - 27/02/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that having a rug in your bathroom has more uses than I thought. For example, it can soak up a ton of water when your shower head randomly bursts and starts spewing water non-stop while you're at work. There's still water everywhere, and no more showers for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 76

Suave

By Quiet is sexy - 03/04/2025 23:00 - Romania

Today, my husband whined that our sex life is terrible. I agree. I wish he'd stop killing the mood with crappy pickup lines and crude innuendos every time I act even slightly receptive towards him. It's like he turns into a 14 year-old the second I kiss him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 146

Sir…

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 20:00 - Australia

Today, I was at a restaurant with some friends, trying to be cultured by ordering in French. I confidently said to the waiter, “Je voudrais le poulet, s'il vous plaît.” The waiter stared at me and said, “Sir, this is a Chinese restaurant.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 843

Doesn't everyone do this?

By Anonymous - 20/05/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my boyfriend takes so long in the bathroom. Apparently he has a system for shitting he’s very OCD about: he has to be naked in case poo touches any of his clothes, he has to wipe stood up with one leg elevated, and the whole process takes 10x longer than it should. FFS! FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 128

Slippy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 312

Major escalation

By animal cruelty - 24/06/2025 15:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I complained about a wasp nest in the yard. My boyfriend said he'd take care of it once the sun went down. That evening, I looked outside to see him pour gasoline on the nest and set it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 165

Grumpy face

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 21:00

Today, my daughter confidently told me that I’m not allowed to ignore her when she’s sulking on purpose. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. Clearly this child has spent too long listening to my ex-wife and her coven of brain-dead cackling witches, AKA her mother and aunties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 158

Sigma grindset

By Anonymous - 30/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my dad tells everyone I’m still living in his house farting around on the internet. I’m a software engineer and I invest in the stock markets. I live in his house because I bought it off him when he fell behind on his own mortgage. I’ve been earning more than him since I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 609

You deserved it 87

I blame the parents

By Anonymous - 15/09/2025 22:00

Today, my tired son and I were riding a shuttle bus. An old lady got on, and I told him we needed to get up so she could have the seat. He started crying and screamed, "WHY? She's old, she's gonna die soon!" I wanted to melt into the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 168

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my cousins cropped me out of a picture of all six of us at a wedding, then captioned it, "We have such a good-looking family!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 954

You deserved it 283

Today, I came home from a two-week vacation. When I walked into my house, I found cat poop everywhere. It took me several hours to clean it all up, and the house still smells terrible. The worst part is that I've never owned a cat in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 483

You deserved it 2 411

Today, while at my tutoring job, a middle school kid couldn't find a word in the online dictionary. I told him he could check a regular paperback dictionary. His response was, "That's what you did in your day. That's not what we do in our day." I'm only 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 3 212

Today, I received a LinkedIn connection request from my mom. Turns out, she's way better at networking than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 193

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 992

You deserved it 4 735

Today, the guy I'm dating was supposed to come over. He would have if I hadn't fell asleep while he was waiting for me to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 843

You deserved it 3 454