The Top

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I'm in hell

By lukey101 - 04/12/2024 01:00 - Australia

Today, I tested positive for Influenza A. I’m either sweating bullets or shivering cold, coughing my ass off, sneezing constantly, snotting out my eyeballs, and aching all over. To top it off it’s hot and stormy, flooding in part of town with 100% humidity, and the power just cut out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 81

Community cat squad

By Anonymous - 21/03/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that I have mice because my landlady got rid of the community cats that were keeping them outside, and apparently my cats aren't taking care of them. I found out when I turned on my oven and my apartment was filled with an awful smell that turned out to be burning mouse crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 99

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 247

I'm a creep

By Anonymous - 21/12/2024 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, I realized my reflection in the subway window wasn’t just my reflection - it was an actual person sitting outside the train, making the same face as me. We both jumped when we locked eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 109

Moving day

By Anonymous - 31/12/2024 21:00 - United States - Delhi

Today, the water stopped working in our apartment. We are supposed to be moving into a new place tomorrow, so we asked the landlord if we could move in a day early. Upon arrival, we found that the water tank needed to be installed, so there's no water here either. We are now admitting defeat and checking into a hotel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 94

Impressive

By Gizu - 15/01/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I tried to open a door with a dramatic kick, like in the movies. The door didn’t budge, but my shoe flew off and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 629

PUA in training

By Anonymous - 26/01/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 435

What happens in Vegas…

By Anonymous - 06/06/2022 14:00

Today, I got a hotel room for myself and 4 friends to have a great night out in town. The couple of the group had a huge argument, ruining the evening, then another friend took of in the middle of the night, and to top it off we all ended up catching Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 339

This is going to be my fault, isn't it?

By jpaylay - 07/06/2022 04:00

Today, my mom had been in a really bad mood. She got in the car to take me to work, and without thinking, started backing up. The garage door was only half open, and now has a huge dent in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 123

Can I get a raincheck?

By Emily - 11/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I fell down my backyard steps at my own housewarming party, ended up breaking my ankle, and am now non-weight bearing for 10 weeks. I'm supposed to start a new job tomorrow, where I'm always on my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 87

Past glory

By Olivia - 09/03/2025 00:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I attended my high school reunion and was feeling good about the gym progress I’d made. Looking fabulous, I was ready to relive my glory days when I got into a conversation with someone I didn’t recognize. He had to remind me that we were in the same chemistry class for two years. I had no idea who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 420

Munchies

By Anonymous - 13/03/2025 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was munching on almonds while sitting through a long, boring Teams meeting. I was asked a question unexpectedly, causing me to choke while trying to swallow, right as I put the camera on & turned off mute. Some it sprayed out of my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 201

HELP!

By David - 18/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I was in a public restroom at a concert when I realized I was locked in. The door was jammed, and there was no way out. I knocked, I tried to force it, I even climbed through the air vent to escape, only to end up covered in dust and toilet paper. Meanwhile, people outside could hear me yelling “HELP!” for a solid 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 91

Bon appétit

By Anonymous - 20/03/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza for delivery, and when it arrived, the box was completely empty except for a receipt and a piece of lettuce. I called the restaurant, and they insisted I must’ve eaten it all, and was just pretending. I took a picture of the empty box and the soggy piece of lettuce to prove them wrong. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 84

Quality real estate location

By Anonymous - 05/05/2025 00:00

Today, I bought an expensive air purifier to combat potential wildfire smoke. The next day, a freak flood knocked out my power. I sat in the dark, breathing in ash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 81

Cooking with Anon

By Anon - 08/11/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, after meaning to do so for a while, I began cleaning my oven. I sprayed it with the foam cleaner stuff, closed the oven for the foam to soak in, then forgot about the whole thing. Later, I preheated the oven for a pizza and triggered a smoke alarm, which brought the fire department to my door. No pizza, just shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 624

Better deal

By Anonymous - 11/05/2025 19:00 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, my crush would rather travel to another country to meet with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 326

Baby you can't drive your car

By BoyRacer - 21/11/2023 05:00

Today, I picked up my first ever brand new car. Top of the line, beautiful, can't be happier. However, trying to insure it, the company has taken my money, but not completed the deal, and therefore I'm not insured. Their customer service knows this in an online fault and I have to wait for them to refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 96

Extreme dieting

By Kaemeleon - 22/05/2025 04:00 - Hong Kong - Tai Wai

Today, a day after after I took a diet pill, I participated in a sprint test. I shat in my pants. I finished the test but got a bad grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 208

Transmission

By cough cough - 12/08/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, the day after visiting my grandparents, I woke up with a sore throat and guttural cough. Once again, my mother neglected to tell me that she'd gotten cold symptoms after I saw her. Now I get to hope that she hasn't given me Covid again, and I haven't given it to my frail grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 124

Scaffolding?

By NervousDog - 25/05/2025 08:00 - United States

Today, I spent most of the day with my stinkiest co-worker's soggy shoes level with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 75

Too late to take it back

By Anonymous - 16/06/2025 16:00 - Canada - King City

Today, I texted my cousin to ask if he and his wife got the baby onesie I sent, as they are expecting their first child together. Turns out they got it, but it upset his wife as she had recently lost the baby. No one had told me before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 72

Down and out

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 18:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I have Covid, caught during a work trip I didn't want to go on, AND my apartment has flooded for the third time since Thanksgiving. My landlord seems to have no intention of fixing the issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 594

You deserved it 94

Round trip

By Anonymous - 26/06/2025 08:00 - Australia

Today, due to the unexpected closure of Qatari airspace, I took a 14 hour flight from Perth, Western Australia to Perth, Western Australia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 483

You deserved it 70

Sneaking about

By Anonymous - 30/06/2025 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending an exhausting amount of time trying to stay quiet so I didn’t wake my housemates, even to the point of catching the microwave before it went off, I dropped my bowl of food right in the middle of the hallway between the bedrooms with a loud clang. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 258

Pesky wildlife

By PH… - 02/07/2025 16:00 - United States - Midland

Today, I have horrible heartburn (as opposed to wonderful) so I went to pick my fresh Aloe vera for treatment… and saw it was all chewed up by wildlife, who apparently also have heartburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 120

Intense humming

By Anonymous - 02/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, while using a public bathroom, I was singing to myself because I thought I was alone and not in a rush. When I opened the door, three people were waiting in line. One of them rushed in behind me, another seemed really annoyed, and the third person said, "I love that song!", confirming that they heard everything FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 533

Clowned around, found out

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, while on a first date, we ran into a street performer dressed as a clown. I have a phobia of clowns, so I froze in place for a solid 30 seconds before moving away as fast as I could. She spent the rest of the date looking at me oddly, then afterwards said we weren’t going to work out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 215

Quickie

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, when my boyfriend came over he was on his phone. We spent about 15 minutes together before having sex, then he made a phone call and said he had to leave. I could hear him from my window apologising to his coworker because he “just had to do something real quick but was now free to talk again.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 171

If I could turn back time…

By Anonymous - 15/02/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I got caught checking out my porn collection while working. The embarrassment is compounded by the fact that I work from home, and I only flashed the folder on screen, but it was enough for coworkers to notice and now call me "King Dong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 700

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 067

You deserved it 2 720

Today, like every month, I need to summon the courage to tell my husband that I’m on my period. When he finds out, he’s gonna go out and sleep with other women until it’s gone. He has “urges” and “needs sex every day” and if I "can’t give it to him someone else will.” I’m disabled and can’t afford to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 196

Today, I was talking about an essay I'd written for a class that was due to be turned in online days ago. I thought mine was well written and I'd even finished it a couple of days early so I wouldn't forget about it. After a few minutes of talking and feeling proud, I realized that I forgot to turn it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 451

You deserved it 9 204

Today, I was chosen as King for our winter formal. Even after I won, nobody wanted to dance with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 762

You deserved it 3 892

Today, according to my emotionally distant boyfriend, stopping by a whorehouse on his way home several nights a week for a quick blowjob isn’t cheating, because it involves cash and no intimacy afterwards. Dumped his ass real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 206

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 989

You deserved it 10 002