Health: Once bitten…

Once bitten…

By Ben Moy - 02/02/2021 07:57 - United States - Wallingford

Today, after worrying for years about grinding my teeth after various dentists mentioned seeing evidence. Apparently, this worry manifested as subconsciously putting my tongue in the way at night, to the point where I have an open bite at 39 when I never had a problem before. I can't bite through sushi or sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 96

Health

This Charming Man

Age difference

No Future

By f_n_fail - 06/12/2016 21:31 - United States

Today, I got a note from my son's kindergarten teacher. During free time yesterday, he told her, "Mommy was stripping". I was indeed stripping. Paint that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 127

You deserved it 701

By Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 482

You deserved it 2 089

By Weldingtags - 28/10/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 045

You deserved it 2 937

The road to hell, good intentions, all that jazz

By Anonymous - 06/07/2020 05:01

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 658

By spekledworf - 05/08/2014 23:46 - United States - Plymouth

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 089

You deserved it 10 109

By thissucks - 20/06/2009 01:12 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 months found out she was 4 months pregnant with her ex's baby. She told me I could leave her and she wouldn't blame me, but I decided to stay with her. She told me she loved me and then dumped me because she needed to be with her baby's daddy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 472

You deserved it 6 862

By babylove - 11/04/2014 21:58 - South Africa

Today, I'm in the process of adopting a child. When I called my mom to tell her the news, she just said, "Oh honey, don't adopt, it's the worst decision you'll ever make." I'm adopted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 094

You deserved it 3 341

By Nessa - 10/05/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while. She said there were tapes of me when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno of her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 569

You deserved it 539

By Anonymous - 07/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, a spider dangled an inch away from my face while I was driving. I freaked out and accidentally bumped the car in front of me. Three cops arrived on the scene and I had to explain to them what happened. I can still hear them laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 892

You deserved it 8 876

By hahahaha090114 - 30/01/2010 18:59 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a divorce. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 083

You deserved it 3 003

By jccwell - 23/09/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 034

You deserved it 2 359

Booty non-call

By Alex - 15/12/2020 13:58

Today, my girl sent me a naked booty pic, telling me not to be late home. When I got home, she was in dirty old sweatpants, too upset for sex because her celebrity crush died. Not in real life, in one of the TV shows she's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 540

You deserved it 217

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 885

You deserved it 9 983

By pizzafaceinc - 02/03/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I woke up with a headache. My girlfriend said it might be from the night before, explaining she punched me while I was sleeping because I was snoring in her ear, and she dreamed a bee was attacking her. I'm not sure if I'm more concerned that she punched me, or that it didn't wake me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 688

You deserved it 3 031

By FlyAwayPlease - 25/08/2015 22:38 - United Kingdom - Mold

Today, the boy that I met online six months ago and expressed my love to sent me a picture of himself and confessed how old he really was: thirteen. I'm eighteen years old and holding a steady job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 177

You deserved it 8 242

By levit - 08/06/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I had to tell a girl I liked she couldn't sleep over because I live with my parents. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 419

You deserved it 68 120

By kdeeeceee - 05/11/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 290

You deserved it 49 939

Overbearing much?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2020 14:02

Today, my mom caught me playing Mortal Kombat and had a fit about the violence, saying she read violent video games turn young people like me into mass murderers. I’m 29 years-old with my own flat and she still tries to treat me like a dumb impressionable teenager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 388

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 27/01/2012 13:43 - Norway

Today, a truck rear-ended my car and drove off. I could see everything from my office, everything except his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 257

You deserved it 1 876

By fatty - 14/08/2014 03:46 - United States - Madison

Today, I was chatting with the cute new receptionist at the gym. I told her that I would be going there more if she was there. She looked me up and down and said that I should go regardless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 313

You deserved it 15 796

By Brie - 05/09/2011 13:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 083

You deserved it 3 186

By Frank - 17/08/2011 06:50 - United States

Today, I came home from work tired and horny, and asked my girlfriend if she wanted to go make love. While all she had done all day is lay on the couch and watch television, she said, "I'm too tired, why don't you just go into the bathroom and grab a quick wank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 853

You deserved it 6 374

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 13:24 - Ireland

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 085

You deserved it 61 110

By Anonymous - 17/07/2015 22:24 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 940

You deserved it 1 993

By hahahano - 24/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was running late and rushing to a waiting bus. I made it to the doors just as they closed. I knocked desperately, hoping the driver would let me in. He hovered his hand over the button for a few seconds, then flipped me off and drove away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 891

You deserved it 3 821

Hedging your bets

By mauimango7 - 27/07/2010 10:07 - United States

Today, I was on the arm of my couch trying to grab something from the bookshelf, and my boyfriend was below me. I asked, "So, would you catch me if I fell?" He looked back at me, paused for a moment before saying, "How much do you weigh again?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 300

You deserved it 8 015

By notanazigrandchildafterall - 21/09/2015 11:32 - Germany - Leipzig

Today, going through my late grandmother's papers, I found out that my grandfather had never been in the Nazi party. The reason he was not allowed to work as a teacher was that he had never passed his university exams. He found an invented Nazi past less shameful than academic failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 706

You deserved it 1 723

By fyou - 24/01/2009 22:09 - United States

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 215

You deserved it 3 997

By Anon - 28/05/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 274

You deserved it 2 434

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got married. I received a beautifully wrapped gift from my dad. I was full of excitement until I opened it and found two taxidermied rabbits. The ones I had when I was in the fifth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 921

You deserved it 1 991

Excuuuuuuse me?

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 13:32 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 187

You deserved it 11 438

By Henry - 11/11/2011 22:29 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 931

You deserved it 45 662

Shot from both sides

By hannah - 18/02/2021 00:30

Today, I was yelled at by multiple people at work for not wearing any makeup. The only reason I don’t wear makeup is because my mom is guaranteed to make me cry before I leave the house every morning, so there’s no point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 89

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 1 137

By yaa - 26/05/2009 22:35 - Canada

Today, on my way out of the subway station, I noticed an older woman standing at the bottom of a flight of stairs with a large cart. I went up to her and asked if she needed help getting it up the stairs. She looks me up and down and says, "No, not from you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 008

You deserved it 4 245

By somuchforthat - 19/02/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 626

You deserved it 2 504

By Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 294

You deserved it 2 776

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 12:39 - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 254

You deserved it 1 361

What a wanker

By no action Jackson - 27/09/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 543

You deserved it 150

By sigh - 30/08/2009 23:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were starting to get in the mood. I get on top of him, lean down to kiss him, and he begins to laugh. Puzzled, I ask him why. He tells me that when I'm naked and on top of him, I remind him of a cow, with 'udders' . Offended, I go to get off. 'No no' he protests, 'a SEXY cow'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 581

You deserved it 5 395

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Top comments

tounces7 27

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Wednesday 3 February 2021 15:29

Damn you'd think the brain that controls your jaw and the brain that controls your tongue were like, not the same one or something.

rotflqtms_ 21

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Tuesday 2 February 2021 15:11

Yeah, when I get the urge to grind, my jaw tightens so much it starts to hurt and sometimes I end up subconsciously giving in sometimes I just subconsciously clench my jaw. I try to do other things to distract myself while I'm awake...but my gum chewing habits also get so bad my jaw starts to hurt. Hopefully you can find a way to beat this or you'll probably have to sleep with a mouth guard or something. Good luck! For me, I notice I feel the urge to grind more when I'm stressed or when it's brought up. Haha, you don't know how much I wanna just do it right now, Haha. I sometimes chatter my teeth to get over a huge urge, lol. Only when I'm alone.