Dario
Bored
Today, while I was telling my therapist all of my inner conflicts, he fell asleep. FML
The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs
Do I Smell Bad Or Something?
Winding me up
Today, I got a phone call from the psychiatrist I had an appointment with next week, telling me that they need to postpone, and the next available session is in three months. This is the fourth time this has happened to me in the last year, with the third doctor. FML
Notwanted
Where d'you all go?
Today, I found out why the group chat I was in with my friends has been dead. Apparently, they made a group chat without me in it, so that they could make fun of me behind my back. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
Anticlimax
Today, after talking to a guy for a month, he finally came over and I totally thought sex with him was going to be amazing. Unfortunately, I did all the work and I didn’t even cum, but he did, then he had the nerves to ask me how it was. FML
ActionBastard
Make your mind up
Today, I was chewed out by my boss for reporting someone not wearing a mask in our store, because, "no one likes a snitch." I'm the security guard. It's my job to report that to her. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
One size fits all
Today, I bought an electric sex toy to make masturbating more interesting. My penis wasn’t long enough to reach the moving massaging parts on the inside, and just pathetically rested a few inches inside the opening. I could call it a bad design but I’d be lying, I just have a small dick. FML
Anonymous
🌶️ Spicy
I'm horny, horny horny horny
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
guess who
Alexa, play "Never Enough" by The Cure
Today, I made a 99 on my history test. Proud of myself, I went to tell my mom. She cut me off to say, "If it’s less than a 100, you’re fucking grounded." FML
Anonymous
Germany
Big Brother shopping task IRL
Today, I sent an important email to my entire team, but I accidentally left a shopping list as the subject line. They responded with grocery items they needed. Nobody mentioned the email content. FML
Anonymous
Melbourne, Australia
Never. It never ends
Today, I'm doing homework but still can't submit it, mainly due to the homework being bombarded more than three times during the week, from eight subjects, all due in three days. I sleep barely two hours a day, still not finishing the work and getting shitty exam marks. I wonder when this cycle of work will end… FML
Bolin
Earthquake
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Anonymous
Philippines
WTF?
Today, with a nagging feeling about my girlfriend cheating on me, I decided to look through her phone. She walked in on me, and before I could come up with an excuse, she rolled her eyes and said, "Go ahead. The only things I have to hide are saucy pics of Darth Maul." FML
TheStingStings
United Kingdom
Late afternoon drifting
Today, I had another phone call with my mother; she has rapid onset dementia, and never gets my name right anymore. Already terrible, but she consistently calls me by my abusive ex-partner’s name instead of my own, so I get double trauma. Obviously F her life, but also FML
Mike
Don't look back
Today, I took my car to a car wash, and when I got it back, one of the rearview mirrors was missing. Someone knocked it off and the management refuses to cooperate on who was the thief. FML
Anonymous
Unusual diagnosis method
Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML
Ross
Bratislava, Slovakia
Main character syndrome
Today, my friend told me to move on from having feelings for her, despite me accepting that we were only friends several months ago. FML
Employed
Fort Dodge, United States
Enjoy it while it lasts, bucko
Today, during an argument, my boyfriend had the nerve to tell me he'll make more than me at his new job that he starts next week. He can't keep a job for more than six months. I've been working at my job for over two years. FML
Anonymous
Wuhan, China
Shoot your shot
Today, I learnt through others that my crush will be emigrating to the US in a month's time. We've known each other for almost three years but I'm too afraid to say it. But then we will never cross paths again. FML
Drained
Tokyo, Japan
Snaked
Today, my wife complained that the shower was draining slowly, so I took the drain cover off and snaked the drain. I pulled out a giant blob of reeking, stinking, rotten filth. My wife saw it and screamed. Now she insists she can still smell it on my hands and won't let me near her. FML
26 year old
Short king
Today, I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. I'm short and look so young that I get asked if I'm still in high school. Every girl I've ever known looks at me like a "little brother". The only girls who have shown interest are still too young to vote. I'm missing out on my 20s. FML
Anonymous
Surrey, Canada
Kinda mid
Today, I don't know, I guess I'm just tired. Like everything I have done has been for nothing. Yet I can't seem to quit, it's like this is what I was meant for, to just suffer, I had absolutely nothing to do on a Thursday, All I do is go to the gym and come home, and just watch the paint dry. FML
Anonymous
United States
Record scratch moment
Today, my girlfriend introduced me to her best male friend, a creepy "Nice Guy" type. When she went to the bathroom, he came closer to me and said, "She thinks she likes you, but I'm destined to be with her, I saw it in the stars. Nobody can love her like me." FML
Anonymous
Kittanning, United States 🌶️ Spicy
Caught in 4K
Today, my father-in-law decided to "fix" our bathtub and ended up flooding the bathroom. Later, in his attempt to clean things up, he walked, without permission, into my bathroom where my vibrator was right next to my hairdryer. He definitely saw it, and didn’t say anything to me. FML
AnotherCrazyCatLady
Strathalbyn, Australia
Ironic
Today, I found out that I have Dysarthria, a condition where you can't pronounce certain words. I can't even pronounce the condition. FML
Anonymous
Seattle, United States
We were on a break
Today, I learned to always remember to mute yourself on Zoom when on your break. My apartment is so small, they all heard me take the longest piss of my life, moan and butt scratching included. FML
Just got friendzoned
United States
Trip of a lifetime
Today, on a vacation with my best friend who I’m secretly in love with, I was dressed to the nines, and felt confident and upbeat about myself. Not once has he made a move on me the entire time, not even in the hotel room we both shared. At the end of the trip he told me I’m “such a great friend.” FML
Smoked.
Mexico, Mexico
Get 'em while they're young
Today, I got a citation from school. My 10-year-old son was caught smoking cigarettes during recess. FML
Anonymous
Ninja skills
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
Anonymous
Tell us more about this trial business
Today, while reading up on my ex-brother-in-law’s trial, I tripped over my own two feet, and heard my wrists, hands and fingers crack on a stone table. I can’t afford any more hospital bills. FML
Anonymous
Al Ain City, United Arab Emirates 🌶️ Spicy
Frustrated girl
Today, as a 26 year-old woman, I had my first orgasm. I gave it to myself. None of my long-term relationships even came close. For almost 26 years I thought I would never have one. FML