The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

I give up · 3 June 2022, 02:00 ·Kimberley, South Africa

It's my special day

Today, for the third day in a row, my wife is bitching about her terrible birthday. She had messages wishing her a happy birthday from her friends instead of actual calls. Also, she knew that my pay comes in the day after, and she agreed to go shopping with me, as opposed to a present on the day. She is 54, going on 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249 You deserved it 283

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Dave · 21 March 2025, 22:00 ·Las Vegas, United States

Creepy dude

Today, a guy in a store parking lot started yelling at me, asking if I was famous. I laughed and said, "No, I’m just a regular person." He then asked for an autograph. Not wanting to argue with crazy, I signed a note and handed it to him. He walked off, looking at the note with confusion and visibly mounting anger. I'd signed the first thing I could think of: “For my biggest fan! Sincerely, Whoopi Goldberg.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 331 You deserved it 167

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Anonymous · 13 June 2022, 12:00

Letting yourself go

Today, my husband is becoming more uncivilised the older he gets, as I had to remind him to put trousers on while we have guests in the house, and over dinner he was picking his belly button at the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976 You deserved it 151

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Anonymous · 2 October 2023, 14:00 🌶️ Spicy

That's nuts

Today, while stressing about our third date, which I had planned to be third date sex night, I binge-ate a bag of peanuts. When he picked me up, the first thing I did was kiss him. He asked me why he could taste peanuts. He never told me he’s allergic. Sex night turned into hospital night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678 You deserved it 207

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Anonymous · 22 April 2021, 14:01

A bug, not a feature

Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292 You deserved it 1 434

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Anonymous · 31 March 2025, 15:00 ·Germany

Distant

Today, my husband spoke enthusiastically about his day to my sister-in-law, who doesn't care about us or our family, and who I hate due to it. While I've been trying to get him to talk, ask him questions, and share about his day for years now, the most response I get is, "Leave me alone with my coffee" or literal snores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395 You deserved it 124

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Anonymous · 13 October 2023, 00:02 ·Laramie, United States

Health tip

Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889 You deserved it 129

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Anonymous · 26 April 2021, 16:59

Kids these days…

Today, my mom asked me what I did with the first paycheck from my first "big girl" job. I told her I paid down my credit debt like a responsible adult. She rolled her eyes and said she was disappointed in me for not treating myself. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515 You deserved it 116

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Anonymous · 15 October 2023, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Possessive

Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747 You deserved it 148

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pignose · 5 September 2019, 02:01

Nose job

Today, I was babysitting for a new family. The youngest said, "Wow! You have huge nostrils!" She noticed my offended look and pushed her nose up like a pig's, saying, "It’s okay! Now I do too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598 You deserved it 242

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Anonymous · 14 October 2023, 22:00 ·Lufkin, United States

Why now?

Today, it took me 2 hours to get my toddler to sleep. Just after I got him down, my mom woke him up by banging my pots and pans around in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705 You deserved it 131

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James · 6 September 2019, 02:04

Windows 2019

Today, a group of angry women stormed my boss’s office, complaining I was harassing them and peeping through their windows. I'm a window washer, and these women never buy curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857 You deserved it 149

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Anonymous · 10 April 2025, 20:00 ·Rancho Santa Margarita, United States 🌶️ Spicy

You really shouldn't have!

Today, for my birthday this year, my girlfriend gave me Herpes (type 2) and this morning she decided to wake me up to tell me she wants to see other people. But she "still loves me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 376 You deserved it 88

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FML Approved · 12 September 2017, 22:30 ·Paris, France

Proposal Fail

Expensive rings and rushing water don't mix.

I agree, your life sucks 725 You deserved it 244

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Anonymous · 3 May 2021, 17:01 🌶️ Spicy

Soon…

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 148 You deserved it 331

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Anonymous · 5 May 2021, 22:05

She'll come around

Today, my only friend confessed she loved me, but I’m not a lesbian so I had to let her down. Apparently she thought I was a lesbian too, so she ran away mortified. I just got a text that she can’t see me anymore, because it’s too painful. I have no relatives and now no friends. I’m totally alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357 You deserved it 154

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Gloria Lovestar · 13 September 2019, 20:00

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now

Today, my husband explained that talking to me makes him miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678 You deserved it 226

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cuz803 · 20 May 2021, 17:00

Slow down

Today, my high school diploma came in the mail. I accidentally ripped the diploma while opening it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819 You deserved it 533

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Anonymous · 30 October 2023, 14:00 ·Fullerton, United States

Snoopy snitch

Today, my coworker was examining my office area because I plan on submitting my resignation on Monday and she's in charge of office space. Another coworker was eavesdropping and emailed my boss to tell him I'm resigning and she would like to use my office space for other reasons. He didn't know I was leaving yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429 You deserved it 199

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Anonymous · 1 November 2023, 06:00 ·United States

Risky gamble

Today, I did the most idiotic thing someone living with their parents could possibly do. I made a separate online casino account in my mom's name (just her name, my email, phone number, etc.) When I deposited from my bank account, the site got suspicious, and is now making me and her sign a document to get the money out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 You deserved it 794

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Anonymous · 14 July 2022, 06:00 ·Seattle, United States

Sometimes, the fears are correct

Today, after stressing all week about important phone calls, they all went as horrible as possible. My anxiety was right all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879 You deserved it 178

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Cheese · 12 May 2021, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

Thanks dude

Today, my sausage dog ate my cat's turds and barfed them all over my bed. Try convincing the girl you just brought home to get into bed after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020 You deserved it 282

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Kyle · 1 August 2022, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Elmo-blocked

Today, my girlfriend was finally in the mood, when all of a sudden I start hearing loud demands for Elmo. By the time I got the movie started for my son, my girlfriend was completely asleep, in her négligée. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057 You deserved it 288

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Anonymous · 20 May 2021, 04:01

Know your worth

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, because I was apparently "too good" for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978 You deserved it 107

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itchy · 8 November 2023, 14:00

Scratched

Today, I have scratched both my ankles so hard and for so long that they started bleeding, and they still itch. I have no idea what I’m allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449 You deserved it 123

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Frank · 12 November 2023, 00:02 ·Reston, United States

Take a chill pill

Today, I said that I'm not okay with my body. I'm not extremely obese, just gained some pounds, but it bugs me. My wife told me to search opportunities instead of excuses, and go to the f*ing gym. I'm still recovering after a serious accident and surgery, and I can't walk yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542 You deserved it 136

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Anonymous · 9 May 2025, 20:00 ·United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Red flag

Today, and ever since we started trying for a baby, my husband initiates sex a lot less often than he used to, and has even started suffering from erectile dysfunction on occasion. Call me crazy, but I’m starting to suspect he doesn’t want a baby after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371 You deserved it 168

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Anonymous · 17 May 2025, 03:00 ·United Kingdom

Hangry boy gotta have it

Today, my idiot husband broke his jaw and had to have it wired shut. I just caught him trying to fix it in his shed because he cut the wire with bolt cutters so he could, of all things, eat a steak before it went bad, then tried to close his jaw again with fishing line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548 You deserved it 83

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Anonymous · 6 October 2019, 20:00

The Graduate

Today, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree. The excitement didn't last too long because I broke my elbow by tripping over a stick at my graduation dinner. Definitely not intoxicated, just clumsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 609 You deserved it 177

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Katie · 22 May 2025, 22:00 ·Jasper, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Ground rules

Today, my boyfriend and I tried bondage for the first time. After I was tied up, I discovered he has a tickling fetish, which is when I learned why you should ALWAYS have a safe word before bondage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 178 You deserved it 379

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