The Top

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Bathroom break

By Anonymous - 12/04/2022 22:00

Today, a guy on Tinder matched with me. I reached for my phone so fast, I slipped and broke my nose against the toilet, then when I tried to use the bowl as support to stand up, my hand slipped and I slammed my broken nose right back onto the toilet. Don’t think Mr Tinder is seeing me tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 420

Stranger danger

By Cali Montana - 03/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, I helped a 6 year-old boy who was left alone at a store to get back home. The kid's parents were grateful, but my mother cussed me out and called me stupid for helping the kid. No good dead goes unpunished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 88

Food is food

By Anonymous - 03/07/2023 15:00

Today, my boyfriend picked a scab off of my back and ate it without a moment of hesitation. When I questioned him on it, he nonchalantly replied that he’s been doing it his whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 122

Bad karma

By Anonymous - 06/12/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I am so sick and tired of watching my brother get everything he wants in life from being a bastard. He does everything I would consider bad and it’s made him rich and successful. I try and be a good person and all it got me is fired, and in danger of losing my car and house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 157

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 68

Under my thumb

By Riahhh - 15/12/2024 18:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I made my relationship with my boyfriend official. The guy who I liked, who'd ultimately friendzoned me, leaving me to find someone who would reciprocate my feelings, got irrationally angry at me. Didn’t he tell me just six months ago that we were “just friends”? Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 127

GPS FML

By lostinthewoods - 30/05/2019 04:00

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 366

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 06:00

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a volunteer badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my picture to cheer her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 162

Murdered

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 20:01

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 1 044

Classic move

By Anonymous - 01/04/2022 20:00 - Canada - Saint-jérôme

Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 1 237

It's my face

By Anonymous - 24/07/2023 18:00

Today, I realized why people throughout the years have “lied” about me giving them “dirty looks”. They’re talking about the face I make when I’m in deep thought, concentrating on trying to sort out my thoughts while I’m spaced out. It’s one of many unfortunate parts of my schizoaffective disorder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 168

Goddamn commies

By Pronouns - 05/04/2022 02:00

Today, my latest date told me to lose his number and never contact him again all because I have "pronouns" in my Instagram bio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 1 301

Fried

By Anonymous - 28/12/2024 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I decided to bleach my hair but then my mom got mad and put my hair in a bun after helping bleach it. Mind you, it is currently blonde orange and black and I don't think it worked, and my hair is fried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 162

You deserved it 423

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 03/01/2025 11:00 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I spent 3 hours looking for a roll of tape. I didn't find the tape. I still need the tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 192

You deserved it 338

Tender moment

By Keith - 07/01/2025 12:00 - South Africa

Today, I was in the middle of a romantic dinner when I went to say something sweet, only to have rogue hiccups interrupt my sentence. It sounded like I was saying, "I love you... hic... forever... hic... and ever." The mood was ruined because she now thinks it means that I didn't mean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 96

Regrets, I've had a few…

By Anonymous - 07/08/2023 00:02

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me two months after our wedding (and two days before my birthday). The worst part is that he's my high school sweetheart and we've been together for 8 years. I should've known not to marry him, considering he cheated on me with his friend's mom. Now I miss a guy I never dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 1 155

Paranoia

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 00:00 - Australia

Today, when I got up for work, I went into the bathroom and saw a coat hanger sitting in the crack of the window. I had a panic attack, thinking someone had tried to break in and grabbed a knife. I ran into the room where my boyfriend was sleeping and he said he put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 301

Women be shopping, amirite?

By Anonymous - 13/08/2023 06:00

Today, after I used to laugh at videos of dudes being evicted because their missus spent the mortgage on shoes and handbags, I got home and my missus had some brand new shoes and handbags. You can guess the rest. I swear I’m divorcing her for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 293

Alcohol isn't a drug, it's a drink

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 10:00

Today, I was carded for trying to buy wine and was told the dates were faded, so they wouldn’t be selling it to me, since they suspected I was underage. I work at the vineyard that produces the wine, I’m the head vintner, and I made the wine in the bottle I wasn’t allowed to buy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 164

Always look on the bright side of life?

By Jan - 24/08/2023 04:00 - Australia

Today, I received a package and excitedly tore it open. It was a specific dress I'd rush-ordered for an upcoming special event, but the company had sent me a size meant for a toddler. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 661

You deserved it 113

Classic bro moment

By Basic respect desired - 31/01/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his friend were talking politics when my boyfriend referred to several female politicians as "yappy feminist scolds." They both laughed like oafs. I couldn't kick them both out fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 317

Heavy traffic

By Anonymous - 16/03/2021 14:00

Today, I have severe endometriosis and it's severely damaged my bowels. I was on a bus, and we got stuck in a traffic jam. The bus was delayed by 40 minutes and whilst I was stuck on it, I pooped myself. An old lady gave me a shawl to hide the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 84

Time to go natural

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 16:00 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I wore press on nails and I work in a very professional setting where my hands are 24/7 visible to our clients. I've had multiple nails go flying off at various inappropriate times and my nail glue has been my BFF for 2 weeks. I had to go buy another nail glue bottle to make it through my second week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 598

Buggin' out

By Anonymous - 01/09/2023 14:00

Today, my husband warned me we had a yellowjacket swarm move into our basement. He wasn't kidding. I'm phobic after I was swarmed as a kid, I'm watching our bug zapper literally smoke with how many it's killing, and my can of wasp spray seems woefully insufficient. They can have the house! FML

I agree, your life sucks 615

You deserved it 132

Fruity

By Anonymous - 08/09/2023 17:00

Today, I'd tried to do my makeup in a natural way for my high school graduation. I don't have much experience, but I went for it anyway. Now, looking at the photos, I can see how fucking orange I looked at the party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 277

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 101

I read the news today, oh boy

By HeroZeroPlayer - 04/06/2022 06:00

Today, someone came in for an interview. For my position. I wasn’t informed that they were replacing me. I had to set up the room for this interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 92

Clapped out

By Anonymous - 26/02/2025 03:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, the door handle on my car broke. Now I have to roll down the window and use the outside handle to get out. Not only is this annoying, but my girlfriend gets irrationally angry every time, and rants about how trashy it looks. I can't fucking help that the handle broke, babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 142

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 112

Piece of shit car

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 129

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, we are severely understaffed, and I'm very often the only person working my shift. There's a yuppie who comes in and complains when we have to pause service due to shift change. He does this every day, and I'd had enough, so I slid him an application ,and told him to fill it out, wait, or leave. I got written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 154

Today, at about 3:30 a.m. I awoke to the feeling of something dropping on my head. Startled, I turned on the light. It was a gigantic cockroach. I thought I'd killed it, but when I went to collect the body it was gone. I'm too scared to sleep. Even my dog now refuses to be in the bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 193

Today, my mom called me by the wrong name. This isn't the first time. It wouldn't be so bad, except I'm her only kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 98

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 248

You deserved it 1 274

Today, I was trying to fall asleep. Unfortunately, my next-door neighbor's baby began to cry. I closed the window and rolled over, unable to hear the crying anymore. My dog's hearing is better than mine, and so he started barking. Goodbye, good night's sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 687

You deserved it 205

Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 876

You deserved it 4 892