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Classic bro moment

By Basic respect desired - 01/02/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his friend were talking politics when my boyfriend referred to several female politicians as "yappy feminist scolds." They both laughed like oafs. I couldn't kick them both out fast enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 320

Time to go natural

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 22:00 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I wore press on nails and I work in a very professional setting where my hands are 24/7 visible to our clients. I've had multiple nails go flying off at various inappropriate times and my nail glue has been my BFF for 2 weeks. I had to go buy another nail glue bottle to make it through my second week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 607

Got to get you out of my life

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 10:00

Today, I was hanging out with friends when my ex called me, but I ignored the call because I don’t want drama. About five minutes later she shows up and starts yelling at me on how I’m so worthless and useless. She left almost immediately after this, but when I went home she was talking to my fiancée. Like, WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 149

'Cause you had a bad day, you're taking one down…

By Anonymous - 14/06/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I tripped on my coffee table and fell face first into my cat's litter box. To make it even worse, my cat was in there doing his business and, pun not intended, I scared the shit out of him. He ran away terrified, then I tripped over HIM while I was going to take a shower. Today is not my day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 218

Frenemies

By Anonymous - 09/09/2023 00:02

Today, after my sister and I got pregnant, we couldn’t wait for our kids to be best friends. The moment they could walk, they hated each other with hitting, kicking, biting, you name it. Far from cute, we now have to watch them like hawks during visits to prevent injury, and they’re only 2 years-old FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 254

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 20:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 005

You deserved it 106

Balancing act

By KittyT - 26/02/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, my physio told me that due to my illness, roller-skating is too ambitious an activity. I grieve who I used to be, and the life I used to be able to live… FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 78

What's it about?

By k…… - 02/04/2021 02:01

Today, I've had the exact same dream every night for a month. I'm sick of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 787

You deserved it 112

Use your imagination

By ANT-BOOGIE - 16/09/2023 20:00

Today, my boss emailed everyone in the company, thanking us for record sales. As a result, all of us are getting bonuses. The staff responded with how thankful they were. I chimed in, using A.I.'s Chat GPT. It was perfect. My boss responded, "Did you just use Chat GPT?" then put me on blast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 239

Piece of shit car

By Anonymous - 15/08/2019 16:04

Today, I went to Auto Zone because my car was having trouble starting, and I thought it was the battery. The guy checked it with their reader, and confirmed it was dying. Right after he put the battery in, my starter died. I had to get my car towed to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 723

You deserved it 129

Non-subsidized

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 16:00

Today, I tested positive for COVID. This wouldn’t be a big deal, except my entire family has now fallen like a stack of dominos, and despite being asymptomatic, I now have to quarantine. My work stopped doing COVID leave in November. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 150

By DeathPopStar666 - 19/08/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 880

You deserved it 140

Full stop

By Anonymous - 22/03/2025 00:00 - United States

Today, after my husband and I had been fighting, he left to go to his mom's and said we just needed some space. I later saw that he had deleted all my family, friends, and has our marriage hidden on Facebook, and has taken my name and "husband" out of his bio. He's already told everyone we split. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 195

Couple of issues

By Anonymous - 03/10/2023 20:00

Today, my boyfriend confessed the reason we haven’t been intimate in months is because he can’t get it up unless he is drunk. I’ve been refusing to get intimate when he’s drunk because it’s not enjoyable and mostly painful, but I still have needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 713

You deserved it 187

Take what you can get

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 00:30 - Netherlands

Today, I got the most action I've had in about 3 years when my dentist pressed her boobs against the top of my head to fill my cavities. I really need to get me a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 170

No Time for Haters

By FML Approved - 09/09/2017 03:30

Duck, dodge, dive, and weave!

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 137

They grow up so fast these days…

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 06:00

Today, my 5 year-old and I walked in on a girl giving her boyfriend a blow job in the washroom at the playground. Last week we found a crack pipe on the picnic table. So many conversations I wish we could have waited for… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 182

What's worse?

By Ben - 21/10/2023 07:30

Today, after I'd saved up and frontloaded working hours for two weeks to ensure I'd have time and funds to go to a local show on my birthday, I received a call letting me know my father had a heart attack and was dying. He did pass away, at around 5AM on the morning of my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 117

Conundrum

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 04:01

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 150

Welcome!

By Annoyed - 27/04/2025 00:00 - Canada

Today, I invited a friend over for dinner and spent hours preparing a fancy meal. When I opened the door, he walked in with his new girlfriend, his mom, his sister, and his dog. I barely had enough food for one, let alone five. I ended up serving my fancy meal on paper plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 82

Polytrouble

By Anonymous - 07/11/2023 00:02

Today, I'm in a polyamorous relationship. My husband and my boyfriend are both aware and are okay with it. Today they met. Not only are they okay with each other, they’ve hit it off. They've drafted a schedule of which days they want, meals, and chores for me on those days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 176

You deserved it 980

Little bundles of joy

By SD. - 15/05/2021 22:06 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I woke up to my lovely 16-month old with her diaper on. When I stood up to retrieve and toss it, I also realized she'd pooped into her hand and thrown a log onto the middle of the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 183

Inside out?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2023 21:00

Today, I’ve been having the worst gas, nausea, and stomach pain of my life and literally nothing I do works. While I was at work, I farted but it came from the inside out; it was so loud there’s no way everyone didn’t hear it. My stomach started bubbling so loud, the guy sitting behind me got up and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 154

SIKE!

By Anonymous - 14/11/2023 14:00 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, at work at a psych hospital, I saw a lady get out of a Lyft with two other people. The lady went into the lobby, while the two other people went to admissions. I asked the lady in the lobby if she was lost or needed help finding admissions, thinking she was family of the other two. Turns out she works in a different building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 344

You deserved it 154

Quit meddling

By Anonymous - 27/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, my dad tried to get me to change my resume. Here's the fun part: I took resume classes and had a career coach help me make it. Even knowing all that, he still insisted I change the entire thing. A perfectly fine professional resume into one that resembles a Word resume template. I just want to scream right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 174

Almost right

By Anonymous - 26/05/2021 06:01

Today, I told my mom she made me feel unloved my whole life. She called my sister and apologized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 84

Smooth talker

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 07:59

Today, instead of my boyfriend calling me 'his Kit Kat' like he normally does, he called me his 'Kit Kat Chunky.' When I asked him why, he said it's because I'm now 20% chunkier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 330

Better late than never

By why now?! - 12/08/2022 02:00

Today, the guy I had a two-week long fling with and got pregnant by (while on birth control I might add), and who disappeared more than a decade ago after I told him, showed up at my door, demanding shared custody of my daughter. While he is her biological parent, she’s never met him and was terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 886

You deserved it 233

Where there's a will, there's a way

By Alfonso - 03/08/2022 14:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, I got a text from my husband’s adult son offering help. I’ve been my husband’s caretaker for 4 years as he battled Parkinson’s and cancer. His son never called once to offer help; when I asked, he refused. Sadly, my husband passed last month. Now his son is offering help because they can’t find the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 98

Brooklyn 99

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 14:00

Today, I'm a very stoic, loner lady, with I'll admit some anger issues, and I’m starting to realise why it was a mistake to go out with a girl who’s chirpy, happy, optimistic all the damn time. It’s like I’m Rosa Diaz and I’m dating Amy Santiago, and she’s driving me insane with her happiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 954

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The Top

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 329

You deserved it 2 755

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 118

Today I went to a much-anticipated job interview. I've been out of work for a month and I really need and wanted this job. I then realized that yesterday's hike was not a good idea when a tick crawled across my forehead in the middle of the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 181

Today, my neighbour called to say a crazy drunk man was breaking into my house. Thankfully, the police were already there, questioning me about “attempted unlawful entry” into my own house. My keys had been taken from a friend so I wouldn’t drive. It's 1°C and I still haven’t gotten inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 246

Today, my dream job became open at a moment when I'm looking for a change. They require video editing experience, which I have from an old position at a place known for its uncooperative and incompetent leadership. Guess which job threw all my published work into a bottomless pit when I left? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 224

Today, I went to my usual cafe and ordered a caramel latte. As I handed back my empty cup, I gestured to compliment the barista… and knocked over a perfectly balanced tray of macarons. They scattered across the counter and floor like colorful grenades, and I spent the next 10 minutes on my hands and knees scooping pastry shells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 203