Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, my parents were coming to visit me at my brand new apartment. I made dinner and served them the cake my roomate had left for me in the fridge. Thirty minutes after they left, I was so baked that I couldn't think straight. I still don't know if my parents made it home. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag containing her Tax Materials. FML
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
Today, I've been staying with my parents while I have time off from school. They got drunk and started an entire family fight because my dad made pizza and my mom is lactose intolerant. She insists my dad did it on purpose because, "he's an asshole and knows I can't eat cheese." FML
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, my drunken mother woke up after having passed out and yelled at me for ditching school. It took half an hour to explain that it's 5:00, and I've already been to school. FML
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Top comments
Enslaved 36
You ate BOB!!!
mara56780 1
Yummy?
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Comments (215)
jkmartinjk 16
Well YDI
madelinebriana 11
Pointing out the obvious in order to get the first comment is a superb idea!
SenselessPattern 12
I'd call 911, but you just sadistically murdered Spongebob so you'd probably get arrested.
SliceOfCake 9
Well there's a button for that.
Bluekaren16 19
I seriously did not get this FML at first. I thought sponge meant some type of bread, until I read the other comments. Fail.
jkmartinjk 16
@15: Wearing a push-up bra to make your boobs look bigger is a superb idea!
XmoulcraftX 6
15 all I have to say is bitch please >.>
skoob1 12
33, who do you think you are
brittanyxo17 0
NOO SPONGEBOB NOOO :'(
twilightterd 4
why do people vote down comments like these? nothing wrong with them...
jkmartinjk 16
^ Thank you
Oreohugzpenny 4
You murdered Sponge Bob! You're next....:}
lonkite101 14
Not
lonkite101 14
Ur
gmc_blossom 21
49- Running around leaving scars? ;3
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
122. Collecting your jar of farts?
calliefornia2 3
155 tearing love (or sponges) apart
NeonPopRocks 14
15- You trying to be deep or something with your messed up hair.....?
mara56780 1
Yummy?
lonkite101 14
Must of been pretty good if he didn't notice.
lonkite101 14
Oh, excuse my comment. I didn't notice the "drunk" part. FML
blaackandprouud 20
Well I don't think it was tasty.
onlychildFTW 33
It musthave not been that good because Op didn't finish it.
loloalltheway 23
Ni, not very yummy , but He was drunk so the taste didn't matter xD
Wangan_Warrior 9
I thought the French were supposed to be the best cooks? :P
colliebuddz420 7
At least he didn't put it in the toaster...
looloothing 9
Best FML I've read in a while.
LLZNH 1
Everything's better with butter
Enslaved 36
You ate BOB!!!
lonkite101 14
So did patrick. Sponge bars are delicious!
lolfood 24
Sponge-Bob, NNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!
ecstacie 2
You killed sponge bob. You bastard!
TheDragonWarrior 5
Squidward: Ahhh peace and quiet. *pulls out clarinet in order to destroy I mean delight the ears*
amoscore 5
Good one squidward.
lolfood 24
I shall apologize for that stupid comment.
kamikrazy 6
No need to apologize. Stupid comments come and go. It happens.
onemorehuman 3
Did you ever notice no one in spongebob has ears? How can anyone hear squidward and his clarinet or spongebob and his laughing
Mr_Krabs 5
*Sniffle* He was one of the best frycooks ive ever had *Sniffle*
pixelbox 1
Hahaha nice one!
duckiegirl21 10
Sandy Cheeks, mermaid man and barnacle boy all have ears :P
tinkrocks98 6
#176 use your imagination !
cashflow94 0
lmfaooooo
tehcyberman 9
Way to contribute.
evilplatypus 38
I really hope you didn't come here looking for sympathy, OP. You completely deserved that one.
zandalee 19
I agree! It is so time you left home and stopped sponging off your parents! ;)
ebonyirony 29
5- I think OP came here because it was FML worthy. Just a guess.
sirpantselot 22
I appreciate these ones more. It takes guts to admit this stuff, even anonymously online. Much better than the whiny "poor me" FMLs.
terrykayez 6
164- 100% agree with you, they know they're idiots and decided to share with the world their hilarious idiocy.
stormchaser24 24
Was it tasty? Did you get it with extra e-coil?
outoftown 26
I was thinking the same thing, with a side order of Listeria
botanistjessica 24
If e-coil is anything like e. coli, that might suck.
rikitsumiatsu 11
That's some nasty shit u don't know how much shit is on that sponge
Commander223 9
It not like OP would've eaten it if he was thinking properly. I mean, OP was drunk...
nubnibbler 4
Try pitching that to some local restaurants.
bjf10 22
Imagine the possibilities! Sponge a la mode French Sponge SBLT (Sponge, Bacon, Lettuce, and Tomato) etc!
xcrunner3635 1
Tasty!
assassinnya 3
Why do I read that with snake's voice?
kut17 11
Good luck pooping that out.
skoob1 12
Hey, I bet it's high in fiber!
outoftown 26
10 The E. coli, Listeria, and other yummy bugs should help with that.
aylard 0
I died laughing reading this comment.
LLZNH 1
I can only imagine the embarrassment as a sponge finds its way into the toilet bowl...