Today, was the fifth night I've dreamed of brushing my teeth. I wake up about three times a night because as I spit in my dream, I actually spit on my face as I'm sleeping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, whilst brushing my teeth, I fell asleep, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush. FML
Today, like every morning, I washed my mouthguard with bar soap. Tonight, though, I realized I hadn’t rinsed as well as I should have, there's soap between my teeth. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML
Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML
Today, I had a dream where I was cuddling with a girl. She rolled over to face me, snuggled up into the crook of my neck, then muttered in disgust, "Ugh, your breath stinks!" Cock-blocked in my own dreams. FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror, I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly leaned in towards the mirror to pop the pimple, meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML
Today, I was woken up by my 5 year-old daughter hitting me with a pillow because she had a dream that I was using her toothbrush on the dog. We don't have a dog. She is now refusing to brush her teeth. FML
Today, I found out that the stories about how you swallow insects and spiders in your sleep are true, as I woke up to a funny taste in my mouth and the remains of a spider stuck to my braces. FML
Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
I'm very sorry... But I just can't help but to laugh at this one, darling. Maybe you should brush your teeth more often when you're awake. It'll make you feel better.
omfg_creepers 8
Try sleeping on your stomach without suffocating or drowning in your spit.
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Comments (97)
omfg_creepers 8
Try sleeping on your stomach without suffocating or drowning in your spit.
Roevera 14
the OP should be thankful they're not dreaming about using the restroom while sleeping. He'd probably experience more "Wetdreams" (his name).
gamercanadian 11
Come on man, now I can't get that outta my head.
chris71sk8r 8
I've spit on myself during a dream too. I wasn't brushing my teeth though. I was outside and I spit on the floor. It landed on my arm. Damn dreams!
capper44 18
Hahaha lmao #10, your comment made my day lol... How OP its true that you should be thankful that not getting restroom dreams :p
SeaMen 3
I think it's time you've brushed your teeth
TourettesGuyFTW 26
10- where's your nose?!
Mirorbo 27
I'm very sorry... But I just can't help but to laugh at this one, darling. Maybe you should brush your teeth more often when you're awake. It'll make you feel better.
Pentium_4 27
it's pretty much a requirement for an FML to be funny, or it won't get published :D but some are pretty messed up
a1f0sff 25
I agree. I can't stop imagining you spitting while dreaming...
ladyLALAA 29
First time I've heard someone get called darling on FML, how bizarre.
Mirorbo 27
You must be new here, darling.
ladyLALAA 29
A little, yes. And what do you mean on your profile about this being a character account?
RussianFox 13
He's role playing as a character by imitating their personality & reactions.
mwolverine 1
Maybe you're forgetting to brush your teeth before going to sleep?
lebronesque73091 12
What a weird dream.
finished 10
Most dreams mean something, try brushing your teeth and then going back to bed, it might help... Or not?
breeY0 7
someones gunna die ! o: ... or is that when you dream of losing your teeth ? hmmm.
DQEight 8
Most dreams are symbolic of something else then what is actually dreamt Hmm maybe OP has been such a potty mouth and feels unclean for what they've been saying..?
comedybreak 20
LOL. You must be pro by now at brushing.
LaColombianita 26
Omg I remember when I was like 5 years old I used to dream about using the toilet and I wet the bed... :(
absolutegrrr 7
Aah same! No matter what I was dreaming about, I'd always end up in a toilet or at the swimming pool or something. ******* annoying!
LaColombianita 26
I know! And you didn't even realize you were peeing until you already did and completely soaked the bed sheets. I used to get so upset about it.
Haha_no_123 11
That happened to me too!! I new other kids had that happen but I had a bladder infection so I felt so dissapoiinted in myself when I woke up
Salmaggs 2
Same here. In my dreams I'd be walking to the bathroom, sit on the toilet and pee my bed. ): the last time I peed my bed that happened but that was also the day I got a new mattress fml):
sarahgiron 5
That happened to me until I was 9. :/
Thelnternet 7
What did you use for the toothpaste?
Daiyuki 5
That display picture is amazing
Xythenol 6
LIKE-A SOMBODEEEE
iAmScrubs 19
You must be careful that these dreams don't then into nightmares. "They won't go white! They won't go white! Please help me, someone."
iAmScrubs 19
Damn. That meant to be "turn" and not "then". Ignore my stupidity.
fmessiah 19
I think you need to train your imagination to be more creative. I guess you should read more.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Actually, dreams are just snippets of your life put together in some alternet reality subconcious world set inside your mind. It has nothing to do with imagination or now cultured/intellingent you are. But then again, dreams are still a mystery...
THE_A_TEEN 28
****... *alternate *how
fmessiah 19
I very rarely remember my dreams, but the dreams that I do remember (when my sleeping is disturbed seems to be the way I remember) they are directly linked to a movie or book I have recently been reading/watching. You could take my comment as "what a boring dream" if you so desire.
Kog_Hiro 17
To A Teen and fmessiah: A Teen, well put about the dreams. fmessiah, that is actually quite common. You enter R.E.M. probably 2-4 times a night, depending on the type of sleeper you are, and R.E.M. is the stage where you dream too. Did ya know we technically dream multiple dreams a night, but we can usually only remember one?
THE_A_TEEN 28
...and that we forget about 90% of our dreams. That probably explains why you remember a dream familiar to some media outlet instead of some other alt. reality dream.
Kog_Hiro 17
Its that deja vu experience
mwolverine 1
I hate psychology. Never could understand that stuff...
loller27 6
i've punched myself in the face dreaming before
Michael_92 20
I have no idea why but I read this comment and just burst out laughing.
PaulB123 11
Well it's funny.. sooo... That's probably why you laughed.