health

Method acting

By over_due - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 057

You deserved it 3 637

Always check!

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 06:00 - United States - Bayonne

Today, after eating some fire noodles the day before, I took a nice long poop in my school's bathroom, only to find out there was no toilet paper left in any of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 238

So lonely

By majestic09 - 17/02/2023 10:00

Today, I’m mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted, and I feel like the only person I can talk to who actually listens is my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 672

You deserved it 167

Mystery

By earth to lissa - 17/02/2023 04:00

Today, I had an endoscopy and nothing wrong was found. So why have I been vomiting up everything, including water, for the past 10 days? FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 82

Brain freeze

By what - 16/02/2023 22:00

Today, at the ripe old age of 24, I briefly forgot my own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 170

Badum tish

By Too Bad So Sad - 16/02/2023 06:00 - Canada - London

Today, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder (S.A.D.). I already have seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) and depression. That’s a lot of SADness for one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 165

It's a gas gas gas

By annie - 16/02/2023 04:00

Today, I trusted a fart at work and, for the first time in my life, it did not come out silent. I have had a hell of a time explaining to people that I don’t fart loudly all the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 775

Clumsy

By IHateBagels - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 091

You deserved it 82 458

Seek help

By Anonymous - 15/02/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Aberystwyth

Today, I’ve been depressed and lonely for almost half my life now, and no longer have any friends or family. I realised I often started hallucinating, most of it making me able to see my childhood and me playing when we were kids. This is getting too painful to bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 149

Classic mistake

By Katy - 14/02/2023 18:00

Today, after I finished giving my baby a bottle then burping her, I lifted her up and was bringing her in for kisses. As I was doing this, I felt this warm liquid hit my lips and slide into my mouth. I instantly pulled her back and she'd vomited. It took everything out of me not to vomit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 381

Sassy machine

By Shell - 14/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML

I agree, your life sucks 576

You deserved it 248

Shitshow

By Cassy - 14/02/2023 13:00 - Australia - Rockingham

Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 141

Need photos please

By Not Jeff Goldblum - 13/02/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I went out in public for the first time since getting new glasses. I was mistaken for Jeff Goldblum at least a dozen times. The first few times it was amusing, but now I can see why being famous is such a headache sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 148

Loud and unclear

By Jaymail - 14/02/2023 00:00

Today, my hearing aids got wet because i was caught in the middle of a thunderstorm. So they stopped working. I didn’t hear this morning's alarm because I can’t hear the alarm without my hearing aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 97

Chafing hell

By joonsson - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 468

You deserved it 358

Genetics

By merr - 13/02/2023 16:00

Today, despite being skinny everywhere else on my body, I have a double chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 151

Take deep breath…

By paininthe*ss - 13/02/2023 00:00

Today, because of my life situation, I was told I'll have to have a colonoscopy without anesthesia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 131

Grossed out

By BARF - 12/02/2023 18:00

Today, my boyfriend is an incredibly adventurous eater. We were on a road trip and stopped at a place that had "Fried brain sandwiches" and he insisted on trying one. He loved it. Just watching him eat it made me so sick that I still feel nauseous hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 782

You deserved it 231

Streaming

By Soiled - 12/02/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, I lost my balance while peeing. I'll let your imagination do the rest. In the meantime, I'm going to take a shower and change my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 203

Speeding bullet

By uncoretard - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was trying out for my school's athletics team. As I reached the finish line for the 100m sprint, there was so much momentum I couldn't stop. I ended up running into a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 564

You deserved it 8 097

Time flies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with a self-destructive personality among other things. I saw everything from my past instantly, like photographic memory recall. It was utterly terrifying, from extreme childhood drug-induced trauma that continues to this day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 145

Soiled

By Anonymous - 11/02/2023 22:00

Today, I learned what the phrase "Never trust a far", is all about. I spent several minutes trying to wash my filthy underwear in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 359

Wakey wakey

By 30000 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was brushing my teeth. When it came time for me to spit, I absentmindedly opened the bathroom drawer and spat in there instead of in the sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 498

You deserved it 13 216

The lawnmower man

By Omega - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 355

You deserved it 1 546

One flew out of the cuckoo's nest

By Tired - 11/02/2023 00:00

Today, I got out of a psych ward. I lied and said I was better, just so I could leave because it was that awful… but the truth is that I'm worse than when I went in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 240

Working conditions

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 16:00 - Australia

Today, I'm sitting in a disgustingly hot office with all the windows thrown open. There is no fan, and the owner won't let us use the air conditioner. The smell of mold permeates the room from the ceiling, giving me headaches by the end of the day. The owner refuses to get someone in to clean it. I can't quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 153

Great job, Mom!

By BAintShht - 10/02/2023 16:00

Today, our dog became ill. My mom wasted no time attending her every needs and became very distressed. When I had appendicitis a few months ago, my mom told me to “sleep it off” and a friend had to take me to the hospital. She only called once to bitch at me for “doing this on purpose to make her feel bad.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 108

You deal with it

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 06:00

Today, I found out that my partner intentionally acts like she sleeps through our baby's cries in the middle of the night, just to force me to do all the late night feeds and diaper changes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 742

You deserved it 412

Nice

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 02:00

Today, I sent a spicy picture to my husband, since postpartum depression hit me really hard after having 3 babies, and made me hate myself. Thought I did real good, but all I got in response was a “Nice.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 311

Venn diagram of healthy living

By Anonymous - 10/02/2023 00:00

Today, after a conversation with my dentist on how to prevent further suffering, I realized that what is good for my teeth, my health, and my digestion are actually three different things that don’t offer much overlap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 653

You deserved it 116

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 243

You deserved it 4 336

Today, on the bus, my blood sugar level got too low and I passed out. When I came to, the woman next to me was hitting me, saying she needed to get off and that she didn't have time for my, "stupid fucking prank." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 509

You deserved it 2 182

Today, an elderly man came into my place of work wearing a nice suit. I commented, saying said he looked nice and asked what the special occasion was. He was going to a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 197

Today, I interviewed for my dream job. Everything was going great until the interviewer asked, "So, what's your least favorite race?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 576

You deserved it 338

Today, I'm closing on my first house. Everyone's congratulating me, but all I can think about is the impending fallout when I tell my abusive, psychotic mother she's not welcome and the family sides with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 518

You deserved it 98

Today, I reached out to an old friend to ask how his battle with cancer is going. He responded by asking for boob pics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 731

You deserved it 378