Today, I learned that the waffle machine at my local hotel has sugar-free bottles of syrup… and that the machine that conveniently dispenses syrup for you which is NOT sugar-free. This is exactly why Americans are stereotyped as being so unhealthy. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned a hard lesson: when you order 12 artificial sweeteners and 6 packets of raw sugar with your home-delivered Starbucks coffee so that you can have a small hoard to sweeten up the coffee you already have at home, they just may put all 18 items in the cup and stir it up to your apparent liking. FML
Today, I was with my family at a buffet getting dessert. As I had my chocolate cake in hand, I grabbed an extra slice of cheesecake for my mom because I knew she would like a slice. Upon returning to my table, a couple walking behind me commented, "See, that's why Americans are so obese." FML
Today, I went through the local coffee shop drive-thru and got a canned energy drink. I didn't notice the extra topping until I was miles down the road. Someone had thoughtfully topped the can with whipped cream and curly hairs. FML
Today, I found out that I eat candy in my sleep. For two months I've been dieting because of my weight and high risk of diabetes. I now know why nothing has changed. FML
Today, I ordered a Diet Coke with my meal from a fast food restaurant. Turns out, they didn't give me diet. My blood sugar spiked and I was sick for hours later. I'm a diabetic. FML
Today, like every day, I walked into my office and was greeted by the smell of shit wafting through the air. My lactose intolerant, diabetic coworker won't stop eating Whataburger and milkshakes for breakfast, no matter what his body tells him. FML
Today, I thought about trying something "new", so I put raspberry preserves and maple syrup on my waffles. It tasted like cough medicine. FML
Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
Today, at the vending machine at work, I selected a regular soda but a diet soda came out. It turns out the soda I did select was stuck behind the bottle of diet soda. Is the universe trying to tell me something? FML
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Top comments
rickylou 11
Somehow chemically made sweetener is magically better for you than sugar? News break - fake sugar isn’t good for you. And if something sweet like syrup is “sugar free” that means you’re eating fake chemical sugar. Congrats on the “health upgrade”. There’s plenty of things wrong with America but sugar in your local hotel’s syrup certainly isn’t topping the list.
RichardPencil 32
You're eating waffles. At that point, healthy eating is out the window and fun eating is in the driver's seat.
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Comments (6)
rickylou 11
Somehow chemically made sweetener is magically better for you than sugar? News break - fake sugar isn’t good for you. And if something sweet like syrup is “sugar free” that means you’re eating fake chemical sugar. Congrats on the “health upgrade”. There’s plenty of things wrong with America but sugar in your local hotel’s syrup certainly isn’t topping the list.
Marcella1016 32
So you’re saying that, as an American, you’re too lazy to expend an iota of extra effort to break a stereotype? Roger that lol
RichardPencil 32
You're eating waffles. At that point, healthy eating is out the window and fun eating is in the driver's seat.
2deployments1divorce 11
You pay attention to the breakfast menu at your local hotel?