health

Pour some more funny!

By Bruce - 12/03/2023 00:00

Today, my alcoholic friend, who is now sober, told me I was a lot more fun when he was drinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 163

Appropriate attire required

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 18:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. I was feeling good about it, until I realized that I'd forgotten my workout clothes and was wearing jeans. As I attempted to do squats in my tight jeans, I split them down the middle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 1 036

**** my shit up

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 16:00 - Canada

Today, I tried to use a fancy new hairstyling tool and ended up getting my hair tangled in it. I had to cut a chunk of my hair off to free myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 247

Take the L

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As I was leaving, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day" and I replied, "You too, love you!" then I went back home and roasted in the embarrassment for an hour or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 227

Jack-in-the-box

By Anonymous - 10/03/2023 22:00

Today, I realized that I'm a better human being when drunk or high, because at least then I don't seem like a wind-up toy about to snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 632

You deserved it 249

Invasion

By Aaaaahhhhhhhh - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home to carpenter ants coming out from under my baseboards. I went out and bought bait traps and now there are flying ants coming out of the woodwork. If I try to sleep, they crawl on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 485

You deserved it 244

Asshole move

By Bloodmybutt - 09/03/2023 12:00

Today, my sister decided to have her baby shower on my birthday. I recently had a miscarriage and she knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 123

Toxic masculinity in a nutshell

By Sad - 08/03/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I am a grown ass man and I cry when someone is slightly rude to me. I pretend to own my extreme emotional sensitivity, but when push comes to shove, I hate it. I wish I could be more assertive but I just can't. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 281

I'm so excited! And I just can't hide it!

By Anonymous - 08/03/2023 15:00

Today, I was at a wedding and caught the bouquet. As I was leaving the reception, I slipped on the dance floor and landed on my back, knocking the wind out of me. Everyone thought that I had caught the bouquet, and had fainted from the excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 136

Yummy

By kjmsit - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 322

You deserved it 23 907

Simply red

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 22:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I tried to dye my hair blonde using a DIY kit I found online. As I was washing out the dye, I realized my hair had turned bright orange. I had to wear a hat all day to avoid being seen in public with a Johnny Rotten fright-wig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 273

You deserved it 782

Netfliiiiiiiiix

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 20:00

Today, I binge-watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting and now I'm not sure what day it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 794

Life in vain

By Composureless - 07/03/2023 18:00

Today, I'm writing an eulogy for my younger brother who shot himself… and realizing that neither of us has ever done shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 136

Take it easy

By rapunzelsvaghair - 06/03/2023 06:00

Today, I flicked the bean so hard I fainted. I was in the shower and ended up coming to a few seconds later. I’m now too traumatized to use my vibrator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 560

Shy colon

By scared2poop - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brighton

Today, like many other days, I drove 15 minutes away from my girlfriend's house to poop at the local McDonald's, because I'm too scared of her roommates hearing my extreme noise terror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 859

You deserved it 4 017

Skincare routine

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 03:00

Today, I thought I could make my own skincare products from scratch, but I ended up with a weird, greasy concoction, which left a red mark on my hands. It's been two hours and the mark is still there, despite several washes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 1 402

Go away

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 22:00

Today, I thought I had the house all to myself for the weekend, but my annoying in-laws showed up unannounced and ruined my sleep-all-day plans by asking me to help clean out their RV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 200

You deserved it 170

Extreme reaction

By KCS - 04/03/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I discovered I'm allergic to the new perfume I bought and now I smell like a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 151

Junk reveal

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 12:00

Today, when I was visiting my dad in the ICU, the nurse was trying to help him sit upright and his dick and balls plopped out of his hospital gown for everyone to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 158

Happy Insomnia Day!

By Morgannaken - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday presents. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 332

You deserved it 4 145

Doomscrolling

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 00:00

Today, it's only when my mom knocked on the door and asked, "Are you alright in there?" that I realised that I had been scrolling through the same Instagram feed whilst sat on the toilet for an hour. My legs had gone numb and I'm pretty sure the toilet seat is forever engraved in my arse cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 1 141

Poopy

By pandaface - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, to wipe his crack, my boyfriend is still using a newspaper that I left there when he first started refusing to buy toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 235

You deserved it 5 922

Insane

By moving out first chance I get! - 03/03/2023 18:00

Today, my insane mother struck again. She refused to drive me to my doctor’s appointment for my asthma because the office won’t let her bring her precious doggo inside and it’s too cold to sit in the car with it. No, she won’t leave it at home like a normal person, and no it’s not a service dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 109

Supermarket crash

By Anonymous - 03/03/2023 10:00

Today, I slipped on a small wet patch of floor in the grocery store and fell flat on my back, bringing my half-full shopping cart down with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 102

No thanks

By Kara - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards to ask if I could come over to help them clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 057

You deserved it 2 870

Wardrobe malfunction

By Oh shirt! - 02/03/2023 19:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take off my hoodie. Somehow my shirt came off with it, leaving me shirtless in public, as I sheepishly tried to put it back on. Not only were people staring, but there was a mother covering her son's eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 241

Bubbly

By nomegusta - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 563

You deserved it 28 636

Sick burn

By Anonymous - 02/03/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, I got the flu so I needed a sick note. The local doctor’s office has a sign outside saying, “DON’T come in if you’re contagious.” They are also completely unreachable by phone. Sooo, I guess I’ll… send a pigeon? FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 107

So frustrating!

By Marvin-jones - 02/03/2023 02:00

Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 138

Self love

By why - 28/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, I broke my leg. It's bad enough on its own, but I secretly have a fetish for casts and crutches. I'm constantly turned on and it's driving me crazy. Six weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 1 222

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 349

You deserved it 3 526

Today, I met my Canadian friend at the airport. As we were heading into the city, I told him not to worry about all the US stereotypes and that gun crime in my city is rare. A few hours later, we witnessed a guy get shot in the street in broad daylight. Now he's too scared to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 785

You deserved it 2 846

Today, I went to the doctor with some serious physical symptoms that amount to being effectively disabled. She didn’t even ask any questions or examine me before telling me it was all purely psychological. I barely managed to convince her to at least order some blood tests, as a formality. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 135

Today, I realized that in French, my name means "penis." This wouldn't be so bad if my dad wasn't fluent in French. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 368

You deserved it 3 886

Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to find out that my manager has a second job there. I am now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 8 648

Today, after I was on deployment 6000 miles away, and because my wife was struggling pretty bad with work, kids, and taking care of everything on her own, she finally had a breakdown so I came home early to help. I found out she was fucking another Navy dude the whole time. I should've stayed out there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 125