Today, while being high for the first time after getting my wisdom teeth pulled, I called my dental assistant pretty before leaving, and then shouted, "I NEED TO POOP!" to the whole office. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I was at my gynecologist's for my checkup and had this sudden urge to poop - but it was my turn, so I just went ahead to meet the doc. The doctor noticed that I wanted to poop and also informed all the orderlies that, "This patient wants to pass stool now." FML
Today, I had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. Under anesthesia I told the dentist my entire love life and drug history in detail. FML
Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML
Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML
Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked, "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Welshite 40
Well, you /did/ just lose what small amount of wisdom you had.
kAPISH 29
I don't need to be high for shouting that. Pooping is some serious shit.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (101)
happyjesus 9
Bacon
curlytop101 23
Dude really? Anyways, I guess shit happens
gjikvtj 18
You just criticized a comment and proceeded to threadjack
cakefete2 31
I'm starting to wish there was an approval processes in place for first comment privileges. Can someone run this by Alan the next time he posts?
Welshite 40
Well, you /did/ just lose what small amount of wisdom you had.
daisylokes 16
good one xD
cakefete2 31
The tooth of the matter is, wisdom teeth don't make one wise.
Appy07 7
Did you realize that this is a joke right?
nelliegw 26
Did you realize that THAT was a joke?
crushcrusher 33
being impulsive
mr_aaaaaaaa 12
Hahahahahaha
silvercamaro 22
Couldn't you save this for like..page 4 where no one would care that you just wasted one of the first 5 comments?
Demig0d6 14
Well that wasn't very wise
TheGriizlyBear 22
Maybe you should've kept your wisdom.
cakefete2 31
Fortunately, Doc Bastard Industries is making inroads to the creation of a patented method to lose the tooth and keep the wisdom.
kAPISH 29
I don't need to be high for shouting that. Pooping is some serious shit.
whitehope123 14
Pun definitely intended
SPARTAN11810 9
#10. no shit?
LeBoss2001 5
I see what u did there
Adam5858 17
How do you remember !!
nellbell414 13
He was told or video tapped
junkman6 22
As a person who's had a lot of surgery in his life I remember what I say and do quite clearly. I just have no idea why I'm saying it. Of course my family being supportive also video tapes me every time I come to after surgery for new comic material.
NeatNit 33
I don't get how this even happened? I recently also had a wisdom tooth removed, they just inject something that numbs the local area. what is the point of giving you drugs?
Respect101 17
#70, some people get gas used on them, because they don't like needles. For me I would prefer gas, because I hate the feeling of the needle in me. However, the gas is not as reliable.
NeatNit 33
thanks.
glabberfasted 16
Most people get put under general anesthesia, 70. You get local if your teeth are already erupted, and general if they're still under the gums usually.
JazNim17 18
I had all four removed at once, and they put me under (2 had broken the skin already) but I remember waking up and being absolutely infatuated with the ceiling tiles. So the part I am having trouble believing is that OP went to work that day.
ninjahesten 18
office as in the dentist's office?
Jessj958 19
@83, I'm pretty sure OP didn't say anything about work lol. @85, yes I think it's safe to assume the dentist office seeing as OP just had wisdom teeth removed. :)
moosetracks22 10
People react differently to drugs, and wake up faster than others. Some people also have a local anaesthetic or laughing gas so they remember more. I had laughing gas to take the edge off and then was given an IV. I remember waking up in the recovery room, but my friend didnt even remember walking out to her car once she got done.
cathrope 10
There's a local news anchor who said the same thing on tv and now a local radio station plays it all of the time.
Kamon97 23
Is this real life?
lunar999 23
Is it just fantasy?
MoodiQ 8
or is it just fantasy?
mete_orito 34
......Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.....♪
RusticChick 27
Open your eyes... look up to the sky and seeeeee
ohishkabibble 21
I'm just a poor boy; I need no sympathy
RusticChick 27
Because I'm easy come, easy go. Little high, little low.
worldclassrager 41
Everywhere the wind blows...
Austinion 11
Doesn't really matter to me
kingdomgirl94 29
To meeeeeeeee
ForFudgeSake 6
That was beautiful.
tj4234 36
Mama, I just killed a man
cjmedic 12
Put a gun against his head
Tupelo_Honey 30
pulled the trigger, now he's dead.
Kamon97 23
Oh gosh what have I started ;o
xSalashawty 30
Mama, life has just begun..
TastyRissoll 2
mama, oooooohhh
Calingaladha 21
Didn't mean to make you cry
hellnosucka 27
I guess those teeth represented what little remained of your wisdom. Pulling them out was not wise at all.
Casey2424 3
"Madridsta after dentist"