Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butthole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML
Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML
Today, I noticed a spot on my leg that I wanted a closer look at. I went to put my phone screen towards it for more lighting while my sister was in front of me, looking. I'm pretty sure she saw my nude that I forgot was on the screen. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly remove a tiny piece of spinach from my teeth during a meeting. I was looking into my phone camera when I realized I wasn't on the front camera. I had been staring at the meeting in progress through the rear camera for thirty seconds. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly check my reflection using my phone screen during a meeting. Instead, I opened my front camera and took a selfie with the flash on. Everyone looked. I smiled like it was intentional. It was not. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
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Top comments
LexSwift 17
What in the world are you sticking up there that it's cutting you?
JoshTheMaggot 8
How did you get a cut on your butt hole in the first place? Sharp objects aren't meant for the ass..
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Comments (226)
suoerkewl 15
What's wrong with a mirror?
JoshTheMaggot 8
Well I'm not sure about you, but my butt hole and eyes are on two different sides of my body. Unless using a small portable mirror it would be fairly hard to see.
DarkSeekerX94446 14
Neosporin = lequahid nitroghen?
blobs1907 3
How do u even get a cut on ur butthole?
tanneriscool 2
Never in my life have I cut my butt hole.. I can't even think of a way to accidentally do that O.o
flockz 20
shaving the ass fro?
tanneriscool 2
Damn it! Your right. I seriously didn't think of that at all.. But I'm way to careful when I'm shaving my taint.
danni218 1
mmm is it weird if u use the camera just to look??...
tanneriscool 2
Yes it is. But we've all seen our butt holes so it's not too crazy.
GovernorGeneral 8
The guy he had sex with had a pointy dick. Thats why he has a cut on his butthole.
GovernorGeneral 8
I can se where #1s coming from. He probably used the phone cause he didnt have a portable mirror or (theres less of a chance for this) he wanted to take pictures...
xxXJakeXxx 2
don't wipe so vigorously. xD
effedml 5
47 - I've never seen my a**hole, but now that OP put this thought in my head...I probably will today! Damn you OP!!
waswashere 0
More lube next time?
rubberduckie94 13
I see the logic in question. Stand in front of a mirror. Hold second smaller mirror behind you at rump with one hand. Apply neosporin with other hand. Sounds rustic and unnecessarily difficult but it works.
ThisIsMyReign 4
Stop using brown to red to know when to stop wiping.
periwinkle95 10
Ahh.. Buttholes. What a delightful subject.
Gtaylorfication 0
Or stand with your back to the mirror bend over and look through your legs 0___o
Idonebeenhad 17
...how did you manage to get cut there...?
RadikulRam 16
#8 just put the mirror on the ground, stand on it and enjoy staring into your bleeding, gaping asshole *shivers*
lylotrezor 20
Bad constipation, shaving accident?
csickcman 11
What did you do OP? Sit on a lightbulb?
kyarush 10
iPhone. Always worth the money.
Driveshaft 5
So...many...questions!
tjv3 10
Maybe OP ate sunflower seeds whole shells and all. Or maybe the sat on something or maybe OP likes to take it up the pooper
efemel94 7
8 are you not familiar with the concept of bending over?
satanrox 0
That's how it got cut in the first place I bet
lord_jimmington 0
Hahahaha!! Ahh good call, 183.
rawr_ily96 24
I'm thinking anal fissures are what OP meant. Normally caused by really hard, dry, and yes, large poop, which you normally get after being constipated for a while.
applebramble 22
Shaving can be one of the reasons someone accidentally cuts their butt hole but then there's another reason as well; my mum had digestion problems and wasn't doing her number 2s . Obviously it built up after 3 days . She took this medicine that was supposed to force it out of her and it worked , although her turds were abnormally big and almost hard as rock . It kinda ripped a bit of her butt hole . It looked very agonising ):
LexSwift 17
What in the world are you sticking up there that it's cutting you?
TheRealBruce 12
He likes guys with needle dicks.
tanneriscool 2
I figured it out.. He's the jar squatter.
fancyclown 9
Edward Scissorhands.
thebottomdog 0
Ive taken ***** before and wiped and there was blood because my stool was so massive.. So doesnt mean anything was shoved up there :p
ScaughtieHolden 11
Reminds me of Jason Mraz. "And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer"
Buttsexpirate 9
People just dot know what to do with their butts anymore.they treat em with no respect.
Wederoney 16
29, how dare you reminding me of that video. I was hoping OP was a girl.
doubleohseven 0
Guys, it was clearly caused by anal sex witha robot
melbournearsenal 18
Pindick?
shumian 4
If you've ever watched jersey shore, you've seen at least 4 a**holes
caligirl5225 0
#29 I have spent the better part of 4 years trying to forget that godawful video and here u are throwing it in my face again....and the healing process must begin again *sigh*
d3sigN8t3dDruNk 1
Jersey shore is for fags.
DQEight 8
100- Fisto from fallout new Vegas?!
ananonymousguy 0
Why doesn't anyone take hemorrhoids into consideration. They are the worst. Especially sneezing. Oh god bad memories.
alphadog777 0
10 fingers
yuri63f6 7
Goatse
yellowman57 13
That's ******* gross you sick ****
EwahWeeWah 21
It's possible it could've been a tear in the sphincter instead of an actual cut.
JoshTheMaggot 8
How did you get a cut on your butt hole in the first place? Sharp objects aren't meant for the ass..
OAAS 0
Well that's just like, your opinion, man.
GovernorGeneral 8
Yes they are.
L1v3_L0v3_Lau9h 18
People have some pretty weird fetishes. O.o
ryanisexy 5
Just like you can get cut amywhere else. You can get cuts through clothing. Also, OP could of sat on something
babeeskf 3
And cut his butHOLE!!?? I don't think so
SuperKnuckels 6
i got a crack on my ass too! :D
lilley21 2
Lolz!!
heyguysitsjosh 8
Maybe op is a rough wiper.
dansco 25
Itchy pants?! Cut themselves shaving?! lol
purecpu 0
The Question is, "How did the cut get there in the first place?!?!"
xSonic 9
4..... I'm sorry
dreamering 16
Ask ninjas
rubberduckie94 13
He was making out with his crush, threw his glasses, then say on them.
cosmosis 12
Mixing sandpaper for toilet paper? Or whilst shaving ass hair? Ot sitting on a sharp object? Or maybe some sort of sex act? How else would you get a cut there?
AnagenisisZagus 13
Welcome to the Fail Thread where even an acehole like myself can get attention. :D
willywillywonka 0
Haha
GroovyGravy 7
Aliens
evilscorpi 29
hey at least you got it treated, nothings wrong with that.
skeezle 0
Brown eye to eyePhone lol
TourettesGuyFTW 26
well in this case the phone is acting as his eyes...
dookiedoo 0
Surprise buttsecks???
cosmosis 12
... Your moustache and wig look horrible..
dookiedoo 0
You just wanna ride the mustache
RougeRamirez 8
Is that a Jenna Marbles reference?
XanderJayNix 17
Jenna Marbles is awesome!
wriptidez 0
its an anal fissure.. see doc
TrippingOnAcid 29
Have you heard of the 'mirror'? Genius invention,that
WCARlover 35
Do you really need to see the cut though? I imagine I'd just aim for my general butthole area and just apply it :p
nissanman_fml 16
If he was planning on giving his friends and family the play-by-play later on, then yes, he needed to see it. Otherwise, I'd say probably not.
Ins_Knie 2
I thought it was just a saying that some people can't find their own butt...
smr167 6
...with both hands...