Today, I tried to treat a cut on my butthole with Neosporin. I couldn't see it properly, so I had to use the front-facing camera on my phone. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML
Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML
Today, I noticed a spot on my leg that I wanted a closer look at. I went to put my phone screen towards it for more lighting while my sister was in front of me, looking. I'm pretty sure she saw my nude that I forgot was on the screen. FML
Today, at work, man who was buying medicine for his son came up to me for help. He didn't know how to explain it to me, so instead he showed me a picture of a rash on his kid's butthole. FML
Today, I had to take a photo of my asshole after I sat on a rusty nail, causing considerable pain. Thankfully, no major damage was done. Unfortunately, the photo synced up to my mum's iPad, since it's linked to my Apple ID. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly remove a tiny piece of spinach from my teeth during a meeting. I was looking into my phone camera when I realized I wasn't on the front camera. I had been staring at the meeting in progress through the rear camera for thirty seconds. FML
Today, I tried to discreetly check my reflection using my phone screen during a meeting. Instead, I opened my front camera and took a selfie with the flash on. Everyone looked. I smiled like it was intentional. It was not. FML
Today, due to medication I am taking that causes constipation, I have become all too accustomed to using a disposable rubber glove to dig crap out of my own butthole. FML
Today, I was using my flashlight app in the driveway to avoid stepping in puddles, as my new shoes are untreated suede. I dropped my phone in the puddle instead. FML
Today, I was checking my phone while using the toilet. In a distressing moment of my brain mixing up the signals to my hands, I dropped my phone into the bowl and pressed my thumb into the shitty paper to turn it off. FML
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Top comments
LexSwift 17
What in the world are you sticking up there that it's cutting you?
JoshTheMaggot 8
How did you get a cut on your butt hole in the first place? Sharp objects aren't meant for the ass..
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Comments (226)
hannahfran45 6
How the hell do you cut your butthole??
evergleam 2
Pics or it didn't happen? tl;dr Pics or GTFO.
ZielZone 4
Mirror idiot....
InUrArea 4
The question is how did you get the cut in your butthole?
Swiftly 0
Well now we know what you do in your spare time...
DocBastard 40
You didn't by any chance cut yourself there with a Coke bottle, did you? If so, you never paid your bill. Send me your address and pay me, ******.
flapdoodle 2
What about the broken vibrator?
BlesstheSilence 11
I think it's time to invest in softer toilet tissue
nanaprincess 7
haha! that is the perfect idea to make sure you shaved everything okay! sorry bout you butt cut. hope it feels better soon. :D
SamLiveFree_77 9
70- lol I was thinking the exact same thing.
5t3ff1k4h 47
That must have been some monster shit you took, OP.