Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, at my job in a cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like yours. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML
Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML
Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
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Top comments
daydreamer244 13
Maybe it's maybelline, maybe it's slim Jim grease.
Meowdisen 15
Apparently we have all been wearing the wrong types of makeup. All we needed this whole time was food grease.
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Comments (64)
classicsparkles 17
Haha I would have just told her it was chapstick.
jeanyrios 10
I get that a lot. I only use strawberry or cherry chapstick all year 'round.
Eleora 19
The best kind of lip gloss. Lol
fader48080 10
best flavored lip gloss ever
Spadoinkle 10
Ha ha, now that's just funny.
xKai_Axelx 12
shoulda lied.
kaceyma 5
maybe you should shimmy that slim jimmy on your lips more often
demonfacee 14
Start using that as a lip gloss.
c0untblah 4
SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM........it'll make you look purrty.
Witchylady 17
You should have just made something up. Though making up a lie on the spit can be difficult for some people. Well I hoped you enjoyed your slim jim