Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, at my job in a cosmetics department, I was helping a customer find something to her taste. She said, "I want a lipstick like yours. Something that says, 'I'm a bitch'." FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, my mom kissed me goodbye before I went to a big job interview. I got weird looks on the way there, but I figured it was just because I look like a massive douche in formal wear. Turns out my mom had smeared lipstick all over my chin. The person who finally let me know was my interviewer. FML
Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML
Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML
Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML
Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML
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Top comments
daydreamer244 13
Maybe it's maybelline, maybe it's slim Jim grease.
Meowdisen 15
Apparently we have all been wearing the wrong types of makeup. All we needed this whole time was food grease.
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Comments (64)
Lagalette 19
Hahahahaha it's not a FML. That is amazing
XPhoenixFire 17
Slim Jim: 1 Generic Lipgloss: 0
homesuckfucker 28
Your life isn't f*cked at all! It's only just begun. You will be awarded a nobel prize for discovering a revolutionary, new, delicious substitute to traditional makeup! You just wait and see. You've already planted the seed of your growing market in that woman.
HappyItalian 38
Make yourself some slim jim lipgloss and sell it. Become rich.
LennyComa 39
Or you could have lied and said "oh it's *Insert lipgloss name here*"
vikky538 28
natural fat is best for lips..
evilamoebaattack 20
soooooooo.... eat me, you'll have awesome lips?
TommyG493 11
I'll eat you
keiNan_fml 35
at least you got appreciated
asa2000 4
Haha! You worthless fat ****!
santosb1 11
I love the taste of slim jim on lips
dave20012 15
And cosmetic companies are making millions when you can just have a simple snack :)