Intimacy: What a dick - FML

What a dick

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 684

You deserved it 5 159

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 580

You deserved it 47 167

You have the same voice!

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 513

You deserved it 24 053

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 546

You deserved it 12 432

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 237

You deserved it 36 234

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 006

You deserved it 1 820

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 5 695

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 156

You deserved it 3 423

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 1 836

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 109

You deserved it 1 447

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 241

You deserved it 7 245

Next

Top comments

damadrappa 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

Someones jealous

GuitarFail123 9

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....

Comments

afulks78 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:53

Did u call him ?

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:55

Would u have?

afulks78 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:00

If he had a big penis. Jk I wouldn't.

UndeRgroUnd206 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 15:35

Haha waiting for some one to say that^

steven107 7

Friday 4 November 2011 5:24

No she would of called

OfficeNinja 5

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:57

Give his number to Trixie, the hooker at the corner of herpes street and crabs avenue.

malincake 7

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:01

Thats beond creepy!!

Manganimegrl 16

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:26

Just like your pic

slimjimboy 0

Friday 4 November 2011 3:19

69-The perfect number for this FML

peepeeparee 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:11

... Are you my long lost sister or something? because my father said that to my best friend when she was dating my brother (hawkward situation, I know). D:

miZscrZee 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:16

Uhhhh...............

underguarded 20

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:16

Depending on how close to his age OP is, would determine how far up the creeper scale this is.

underguarded 20

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:16

Duplicate post.

purple91 8

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:33

Brilliant.

jobsman99 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:44

If you take him up on his offer, then your boyfriend and his Dad can compare notes. Then they will probably want a threesome with you.

AaronSanchez1969 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:49

RUN.......

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Keywords

Video games Gamers Annoying Birthday Relatable Abuse Social Media Money Scams Parents School Kids Education Health Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Music Geek Poopoo peepee Jewelry Awkward Bikes Cops Transportation Family Fight Customers Work Gross

The Top

Today, I realized that whenever I use emoticons, I tend to make the same face in real life. My coworkers gleefully showed me various pictures with my tongue out, face scrunched up, and so on, while staring at my phone. They've already made their way around the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 006

You deserved it 21 832

Today, I was told by my sister over the dinner table that some guy is telling people I’ve had sex with him; that’s not even the worst part. He’s telling people my sister walked in. One, I haven’t talked to him in years; two, he’s really not my type, three, I’m in a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 140

You deserved it 96

The Top

I'll do it tomorrow

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 61

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 159

Today, I was talking to my military brother about him coming home soon. I told him that our parents don't always handle change well, but are excited to see him. He took that to mean that they don't want him home and to make plans to stay where he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 910

Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 142

Today, my first day on underground water pipes, we had to clear a blockage that cut off water to an entire street. Whatever the block was, it came free so fast the released water created a geyser 30 feet in the air. I got hit by it and made it about 10 feet in the air before I hit a parked car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 90

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 481

You deserved it 383