Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving... - FML

By nba - 30/5/2019 16:00

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1557

You deserved it

265

Tweet

Share

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Long story short

You snooze, you lose

By imblue42 - 24/6/2015 05:16 - United States

Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25151

You deserved it

3675

Tweet

Share

By Coaldust - 3/1/2017 02:02

Today, my niece stole a bottle of whiskey from me to mix with Monster and get drunk with her boyfriend. It was a bottle of 23-year-old Pappy Van Winkle's that cost over $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9427

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1930

Tweet

Share

By lifestinks - 5/4/2009 04:17 - Canada

Today, when my boyfriend reffered to my hair, I told him I was going to dye it. He responded by saying, "finally, so how much you going for, 40, maybe 50 pounds?". I said dye it, not diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63810

You deserved it

9497

Tweet

Share

By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8382

You deserved it

761

Tweet

Share

By slim_breezy - 4/6/2016 07:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had to rush my son to the ER after he ate a poisonous plant. He said the plant looked like one in Skyrim and he thought he'd get super powers from eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15354

You deserved it

2429

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/7/2013 05:24 - United States - Oakland

Today, I had my driver's test in rural Maine. I hit a cow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51724

You deserved it

14574

Tweet

Share

By googlefreak54321 - 25/7/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I went out to go meet up with a guy. I walked all the way to his house just to see him. Then he made me hide behind a bush till his girlfriend left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33406

You deserved it

13518

Tweet

Share

By for my brother in law - 27/7/2016 07:10 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17710

You deserved it

6643

Tweet

Share

By SadFace - 21/2/2013 13:04 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I realized my acne is so bad that the Facebook face recognition could recognize all of my friends in a group photo except me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31716

You deserved it

3920

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2013 05:16

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46724

You deserved it

3247

Tweet

Share

By Salvation711 - 15/4/2012 15:29 - United States

Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9857

You deserved it

33646

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/7/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23191

You deserved it

3254

Tweet

Share

By bluecollar - 26/2/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, there was a luncheon at work in another dept. We all went to get some free food and see new faces. There was a hot girl walking around chatting. I grabbed my buddy's arm and told him there was a "nice pair of tits here" He saw her. It's his daughter. She's a new-hire... running HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14900

You deserved it

52763

Tweet

Share

By itsnotyouitsme - 20/4/2016 18:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after breaking up with my boyfriend of 2 years, I was backing out of his driveway when he came running out yelling "STOP!" I thought he wanted to make up so I kept going, until I'd run over his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11275

You deserved it

35070

Tweet

Share

By Username - 17/5/2012 14:37 - Australia

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23670

You deserved it

5214

Tweet

Share

By Kaboom - 21/4/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60542

You deserved it

19618

Tweet

Share

By alittlepersonal - 5/10/2012 05:59 - United States - Lewis Center

Today, my mom decided to subtly bring up her desire for grandchildren. "You really need a girlfriend. I'm surprised you don't have a crippling case of Carpal Tunnel by now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22009

You deserved it

3065

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/4/2015 20:43 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32021

You deserved it

3953

Tweet

Share

By Snowzies - 6/1/2010 13:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37850

You deserved it

2287

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/9/2011 04:38 - Canada

Today, I decided to work out. Being too embarrassed to run in public, I instead ran in circles in my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33585

You deserved it

15134

Tweet

Share

By jpmetz - 26/9/2011 04:29 - United States

Today, my credit card got blocked. Apparently, my bank thinks buying a $130 flat iron online is suspicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28694

You deserved it

5991

Tweet

Share

By forever alone - 19/6/2014 22:26 - United States - Pawling

Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56873

You deserved it

7425

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 17:32 - United States - San Dimas

Today, I met my neighbors for the first time, as they helped me carry my dead cat off the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36053

You deserved it

3128

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/1/2016 16:41 - Canada - London

Today, I took my labrador to the vet because he seemed really sick and wasn't acting like his usual self the past few weeks. The vet said nothing was physically wrong with him and that he's most likely suffering from depression. My own depression is why I got a dog in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22787

You deserved it

2010

Tweet

Share

By nude - 15/1/2010 00:43 - United States

Today, I woke up in my boyfriend's dorm and decided to take a shower before he woke up. I used the girls bathroom on the above floor, and afterwards just threw on a towel and ran to the elevator. I forgot to press my boyfriend's floor and I was taken to the lobby in a towel. People were waiting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8015

You deserved it

32114

Tweet

Share

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14816

You deserved it

33716

Tweet

Share

By wolf boy - 10/7/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, I went to the park with a girl I like. She got playful and climbed a tree, insisting I come up, too. While we were sitting and enjoying the view, she suddenly knocked me off the branch, sending me crashing to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39371

You deserved it

6134

Tweet

Share

By -____- - 5/10/2013 21:28 - United States - Seattle

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55166

You deserved it

7366

Tweet

Share

By not funny but :( - 28/3/2013 16:24 - United States - Wooster

Today, while on vacation, I think I met my soul-mate, and quite possibly the love of my life. My vacation is to celebrate my 8-year anniversary with my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23152

You deserved it

60450

Tweet

Share

By foreveralone.jpg - 29/8/2012 20:51 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27326

You deserved it

2883

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/11/2013 17:34 - United States - Rowland Heights

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

I agree, your life sucks

50453

You deserved it

5649

Tweet

Share

By LGFLIPSTER - 31/8/2009 03:32 - Canada

Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44602

You deserved it

6526

Tweet

Share

By majorlyturnedoff - 21/8/2012 03:02 - United States

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31136

You deserved it

3289

Tweet

Share

By beanpole - 19/12/2016 19:34 - Canada - Canning

Today, I had to cancel plans to go to the movies with the guy I've had a crush on for months due to a sudden case of the flu. This was already rescheduled from yesterday, when I had to cancel due to bad weather (after he had already left home). He thinks that I'm just making excuses not to see him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7039

You deserved it

1117

Tweet

Share

By Wowsers. - 30/1/2010 08:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13745

You deserved it

35900

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/1/2012 09:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years accidentally admitted to me that he settled for me because he doesn't think he can do any better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31862

You deserved it

2806

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/5/2015 19:26

Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15996

You deserved it

32797

Tweet

Share

By amy - 20/7/2019 02:09

Today, I had a dream about sleeping, which is a dream I have frequently. I’m exhausted even when I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1454

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Fangirl#1 - 29/10/2018 22:10

Today, students were permitted to wear costumes at my school, but only about half of us did. In 4th period a guy asked me, "What are you supposed to be?" I wasn’t wearing a costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2393

You deserved it

296

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 24/2/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21695

You deserved it

4440

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By JasonThorn | 17

#7807548 - Thursday 30 May 2019 19:46

Sounds like a sign you didn't leave soon enough...

By hkatz | 9

#7807606 - Thursday 30 May 2019 23:37

you

COMMENTS

By mr_dinzaster | 16

#7807499 - Thursday 30 May 2019 16:16

Fuck

Reply

hkatz | 9

#7807606 - Thursday 30 May 2019 23:37

you

By JasonThorn | 17

#7807548 - Thursday 30 May 2019 19:46

Sounds like a sign you didn't leave soon enough...

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7807561 - Thursday 30 May 2019 20:59

Piss poor planning on your part... shoulda gotten there earlier.

Reply

leximichelle | 12

#7807580 - Thursday 30 May 2019 21:59

Seems they told OP about it after it started it. Or he/she was given the wrong time.

Reply

nadiamarie9 | 8

#7809404 - Wednesday 5 June 2019 16:09

that’s exactly what happened.

By bluhbluhbluh | 14

#7807629 - Friday 31 May 2019 1:31

Wow! Talk about a GOOD RIDDANCE!

By Traveling_Book | 9

#7807633 - Friday 31 May 2019 2:09

Not to be that guy, but they didn’t have to do anything for you. Sounds like they just wanted a reason to have an office party and used your going away as a disguise for it though.

By Abbusser | 9

#7807643 - Friday 31 May 2019 3:28

You should be lucky they even left you anything...