By Bryce - 10/5/2020 02:00

Very fishy

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1499

You deserved it

200

Tweet

Share

Trip Advisor says no

Boom, headshot

Mr Sensitivity

By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6167

You deserved it

1334

Tweet

Share

By oops - 22/8/2014 14:35 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21502

You deserved it

50500

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 12:00

Today, after a trip to the emergency room for severe stomach pain and almost passing out in the shower, I slipped on the wet bathroom floor and broke my two front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1833

You deserved it

105

Tweet

Share

By stagedivefail - 19/8/2009 14:36 - Australia

Today, my band played its first real gig. It was going well, and I, the vocalist, thought it would be a good idea to stage dive. I underestimated the distance between the stage and the crowd and crashed into the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10829

You deserved it

59474

Tweet

Share

By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1396

You deserved it

270

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met some nice girls. One of them was really sweet and we were having a great time in my friend's backyard. As I was on the swing, I was gonna give her my number, but instead, I gave her a harsh kick to the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12534

You deserved it

27076

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/10/2015 04:50 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26560

You deserved it

1825

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/8/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50573

You deserved it

4280

Tweet

Share

By keyshame - 10/10/2013 05:22 - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I took my car to be repaired. The mechanic put out his hand when he saw me, so I shook it. He just wanted my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38233

You deserved it

6447

Tweet

Share

By Crouching Tiger, Hidden Retard - 6/8/2013 21:55 - United States

Today, my apparently braindead and now ex-boyfriend asked me if "this period thing" is going to happen a lot, and said that if it is, "we're so done." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56154

You deserved it

4843

Tweet

Share

By pain in my gums - 27/2/2017 11:30 - Canada - St. John's

Today, I went to the dentist to get my wisdom teeth removed. The surgeon took a better X-ray to see what he was dealing with before he got started. When he came back into the room, he started to laugh and told me it was my lucky day because in the X-rays he found 2 big extra wisdom teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5856

You deserved it

365

Tweet

Share

By Sarah - 21/2/2016 00:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss mistakenly drunk texted me and was talking shit about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21700

You deserved it

1710

Tweet

Share

By MCForty - 27/2/2015 15:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I won a pool game against some guy. His friends started mocking him for getting his ass whooped by a pregnant girl who couldn't even lean over the table. He got mad, swung his pool stick at them, missed, and hit me right in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38889

You deserved it

3114

Tweet

Share

By anon - 9/11/2016 20:54 - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8833

You deserved it

884

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 22:00

And now, on Judge Judy

Today, I found out my roommates spent my rent money and told the landlord I never paid. I've paid my rent and theirs the past 6 months. My name's on the lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1696

You deserved it

397

Tweet

Share

By fuck my arse - 8/8/2013 22:15 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53340

You deserved it

19464

Tweet

Share

By hellphone_fml - 1/7/2019 20:00

Today, someone knocked on my door. I yelled "Yeah?" while getting up, since it was locked. My grandpa walked in, as I apparently didn't actually lock it. I was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1268

You deserved it

587

Tweet

Share

By keifer13 - 3/6/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, it was my high school graduation. I brought my camera to capture these last memories, only to discover that the batteries were dead. When I got home and went to change them, I realized they were not dead, they were just put in the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15577

You deserved it

56091

Tweet

Share

By CathyM - 27/9/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I was in the ER where I work as a registrar. A patient received a plastic urinal to use in his room. Most patients throw them away when they leave. He, however, decided to take it with him, and as he checked out, put it on the registration counter. Two feet from my face. It was used. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25798

You deserved it

2779

Tweet

Share

By helen_ - 23/4/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I had to go to my 10 year old son's school to talk about my job being a chef. As I was almost finished, I asked the kids "What would you like to do when you grow up?" Without hesitation one kid replied with a straight face , "Anything but being a douchebag like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65211

You deserved it

6005

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 13/3/2009 20:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of eachother. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82933

You deserved it

7898

Tweet

Share

By do you want a bag - 24/9/2016 04:48 - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11046

You deserved it

1029

Tweet

Share

By Nancy - 11/7/2010 23:00 - United States

Today, after being at summer camp for two weeks, my parents never showed up to take me home. A counselor had to drive me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45798

You deserved it

3073

Tweet

Share

By fatty - 9/6/2009 08:39 - Germany

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23657

You deserved it

49778

Tweet

Share

By hopeless - 27/6/2011 14:09 - Canada

Today, I was playing tetherball with my younger brother. I get really competitive, so I threw it as hard as I could. It came around and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9736

You deserved it

53983

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/7/2018 08:00 - United States - Macon

Today, as I was pulling into work at 15 weeks pregnant, I projectile vomit all over myself and my vehicle. I had an emotional breakdown as I went back home, and called my boss to let him know I would not be in that day. I am now looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3932

You deserved it

488

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/11/2010 16:32 - Argentina

Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32287

You deserved it

3876

Tweet

Share

By roofer - 31/7/2009 15:14 - United States

Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54404

You deserved it

2590

Tweet

Share

By LawSchoolBoi - 30/4/2019 00:00

Today, I told my roommate she had to pay $55 to replace a piece of the oven she broke. She told me I was being selfish and decided to illegally break our lease because I was, "making her feel unsafe." Now I not only have to pay for the oven repair, I also have to pay her next two month's rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2070

You deserved it

175

Tweet

Share

By Eskyew - 23/7/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43550

You deserved it

8972

Tweet

Share

By Angel - 25/10/2016 20:54

Today, while out to dinner with my adult daughter, I told her I look at her Twitter because it helped me to feel close to her since she rarely calls or visits. When I got home from dinner and looked at her Twitter, she had set it to private. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10202

You deserved it

2502

Tweet

Share

By interviewed - 16/9/2009 10:37 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job I really wanted and am qualified for. I've been looking for months. This job was perfect; close to home and great pay. Needless to say I spent quite a while preparing. Everything was going great until I had to sneeze, which forced out a loud, long fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50638

You deserved it

4160

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/6/2014 06:42 - Canada - Regina

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49396

You deserved it

7022

Tweet

Share

By mokki - 31/3/2015 12:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30165

You deserved it

3496

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2016 12:37 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was trying to get my girlfriend to speak Mandarin. After speaking her first words and taking a break, she posted on Facebook: "I speak ching chong! :D :D :D" FML

I agree, your life sucks

14465

You deserved it

2119

Tweet

Share

By ohsnap - 22/1/2011 21:24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35648

You deserved it

5676

Tweet

Share

By ladylarni - 7/4/2013 08:20 - Australia

Today, my ex-husband officially became my stepdad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95807

You deserved it

4828

Tweet

Share

By goodtiming - 20/5/2010 16:58 - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34871

You deserved it

5565

Tweet

Share

By nutfreak - 12/8/2013 15:24 - United States - Lutherville Timonium

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52479

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By Username - 16/6/2011 13:20 - United States

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44097

You deserved it

5945

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pawesome21 | 21

#7905122 - Sunday 10 May 2020 19:54

I’m glad, Dad raises his kid to earn something instead of having everything given to him.

By AstroTurf Matador | 6

#7905014 - Sunday 10 May 2020 9:02

"real it in"? Guess you didn't wanna fake it, huh?

COMMENTS

By AstroTurf Matador | 6

#7905014 - Sunday 10 May 2020 9:02

"real it in"? Guess you didn't wanna fake it, huh?

Reply

EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7905147 - Sunday 10 May 2020 22:12

they fixed it

By pawesome21 | 21

#7905122 - Sunday 10 May 2020 19:54

I’m glad, Dad raises his kid to earn something instead of having everything given to him.

By AmbrosiaFan | 18

#7905163 - Sunday 10 May 2020 23:46

How old are you? I'd laugh it off... unless you are a youngin, then that was low of him.

By julfunky | 29

#7906308 - Friday 15 May 2020 4:58

Your age determines the level of hilarity this situation has.