Awkward, Drugs and Health: Tough guy, huh?

Tough guy, huh?

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 20:59 - United Kingdom - Croydon

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 345

You deserved it 44 335

Winter: Snow and Funny News
Snuggle up and laugh with our winter stories, where snow isn't the only thing sliding around! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 13/04/2016 08:25

Today, I woke up in hospital after a night of heavy drinking. My friends told me I was beat up by the doorman. After going to the club to watch the security footage, it was revealed I actually fell on my face trying to fight, and caused more damage to myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 573

You deserved it 11 427

By Anonymous - 24/12/2011 02:49 - Australia

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 158

You deserved it 41 765

The gang

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 19:00 - Ireland - Portlaoise

Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 141

By shenmas - 08/07/2018 19:00

Today, while I was out walking with my girlfriend, I got beaten up and called an "abuser" by a gang of women who noticed bruises on my girlfriend's arms and legs. The bruises are from her karate class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 388

You deserved it 268

Fight Club

By MyFaceHurts - 03/08/2010 10:40 - United States

Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 859

You deserved it 55 554

By Stephen - 24/03/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 298

You deserved it 3 920

Run!

By Anonymous - 05/11/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 812

You deserved it 37 601

By deven - 29/08/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I saw a fight so I went over to try and break it up. Someone thought I wanted to join in, so he gave me an unexpected whap in the happy sacks, and I also got a bloody nose for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 741

You deserved it 44 811

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 671

You deserved it 40 153

By Anonymous - 24/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I went sledding with my friends. I said I was tired and didn't want to go, but they press-ganged me into it. I ended up sledding right into a tree, fracturing my leg, and scraping up my entire face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 974

You deserved it 5 453

xxmel 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

You lied, so now you have to put up with the consequences.

purpadurp 6

Friday 15 June 2012 5:32

So many levels of fail -_-

Comments

todster8 7

Friday 15 June 2012 18:39

Good friends

UltraRice 0

Friday 15 June 2012 19:16

Normally, I'd feel sorry for you. Knowing that you hang out with crack-heads changed that though. Nothing good comes out of illegal narcotics. YDI

noisebox 1

Friday 15 June 2012 19:33

Loose the crack heads and drink kool aid now from this day on.....

Lisa1993_fml 1

Friday 15 June 2012 19:43

You are a dumb ass. Grow up and be honest

theonlysweetpea 10

Friday 15 June 2012 19:56

Not only are you a liar but you hang out with idiotic crack heads... YDI

dsl1123 8

Friday 15 June 2012 19:56

You lied to them so you have a choice. You can come clean or hope nothing happens when your in a tough part of town.

GrossedOut12 2

Friday 15 June 2012 20:52

Just say no.......

Hiphuray4peas 27

Friday 15 June 2012 22:52

Sounds like time to get some new friends.

Jasonf6 0

Friday 15 June 2012 23:23

Uhhh, nice friends you have there.

SimpleGr33n 4

Saturday 16 June 2012 1:52

Dude... Funny but now you gotta kick a crackhead in the nuts to win cause they recover to quick from anything else.

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 886

You deserved it 3 470

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 094

You deserved it 5 653

Today, I got a letter from the police, stating that I must either pay a fine or go to court. Turns out my creepy stalker stole not only my underwear, jewelry, and pictures, but also my mail, including a ticket I had gotten for reporting my new address too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 463

You deserved it 248

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 326

You deserved it 5 643

Today, I admitted to my mother that I've had sex with my boyfriend. She seemed to handle it well, but when my boyfriend came over, she condemned him to hell in between asking him what he would like to have for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 070

You deserved it 10 326

Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 151

You deserved it 2 583