By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 03:00

Too much of a good thing

Today, I finally found a job as a secretary for a small film studio. The sets are in a soundproofed part of the building, but not for the typical reasons. Right through the wall is a pornography studio. It's all I'll hear from 8 to 5 every day. FML

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1444

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Sounds like a keeper

Masked Singer

By nhyari - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend got her period. It seemed more painful for her than usual, so I offered to go out and buy some painkillers and maybe some chocolate for her. She thought I was being sarcastic and slapped me so hard I saw stars. FML

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46009

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By Lisa - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take me out on a date. He doesn't have a car, but he said he'd borrow transport from his neighbor. He showed up at my house on a ride-on lawn mower. FML

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52012

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By LoveStinks

Today, I asked a girl what time she'd like me to pick her up for our date tonight. She didn't know what I was talking about. It seems like, after months of sweaty palms, nervous smiles, and awkward sentences, I only dreamed she said yes to going out. FML

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16120

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By Gabi - United Kingdom

Today, I spent about half an hour trying to decide whether to buy a top, because even though it was lovely, it was really expensive. Eventually, after deciding to buy it because I could always return it if I changed my mind, I got home and realised I'd left it on the bus. FML

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By jaskyriddims - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

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45602

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

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55895

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3868

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By CROCKIN5150 - United States

Today, while out for a jog, I noticed that you never know how fast you run until you're being followed by someone in a car you don't know, and they're continuously honking at you. I later found out it my dad in his new car. FML

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18692

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By haphazard2007 - United States

Today, I got a gift from my wife in the form of divorce papers. She waited till after New Year's so it wouldn't show up on her taxes for 2011. FML

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33923

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2835

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By scaredshitless - United States

Today, I was taking a serious shit when the light bulb burned out. I am terrified of the dark and began wailing and crying. My mom had to pick the lock and get me out. I'm a 17 year old guy and captain of the Varsity football team. My little brother recorded it and plans on showing everyone. FML

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27254

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65144

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By Chris Chandler

Today, my cat peed on the kitchen floor. As I went to get the mop, I slipped on the puddle not once, not twice, but three times. In quick succession. FML

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2292

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By jenA - United States

Today, I got a sweet promotion at my job. Instead of being happy and celebrating with me, my boyfriend broke up with me because he is jealous that I'm more successful than he is. FML

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31338

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By guy - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

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52645

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By Anonymous - 29/5/2020 14:00

Mr Whiskers

Today, one of my friends was playing with a laser pointer. When he pointed it in my direction, I swatted at it away like it was a bug. Apparently, I'm part cat. FML

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970

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301

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By iwantaraise - Australia

Today, while on the job as a cop, I was breaking up a loud house party. We were just doing one final check of the house, we walked into the bathroom to find a kid furiously wanking in the bath. This isn't the first time I've seen something like this. FML

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29155

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3036

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

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15906

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4787

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML

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222454

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18940

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By bronco_lover89 - United States - Essexville

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

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8895

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39233

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By jenni6488 - United Kingdom

Today, I called the toaster a "cheeky thing" for being done before the kettle. FML

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10470

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23203

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By not my fault you got knocked up - 9/8/2020 20:02

Sister of the year

Today, my older sister threw an epic tantrum, demanding that my parents not pay for my 21st birthday trip. She insists it’s not fair for them to gift me a trip, since she didn’t get to celebrate her 21st. She didn’t get to celebrate because she was pregnant. Now my mom wants to reconsider. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2011

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166

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By SwingingGallows

Today, I bought my mother an expensive TV she had been looking at. After I bought it, she continued browsing for more stuff. I told her I couldn't afford the extra items. She got mad and called me "selfish". FML

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14572

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By Staying Home Today - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

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38869

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By drugsforthugs - United States - Sierra Madre

Today, in the middle of a boring class, my friend offered me some Smarties. We're not allowed to eat in class, but I had a couple anyway. As I put them in my mouth, my "friend" stood up and yelled that I was doing ecstasy. I might actually get expelled. FML

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43158

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4419

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By jobless - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

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27959

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boss texted me to say the office was closed because of the snow. I begged him to let me go in anyway because I had nothing to do all day. I have no life, friends or hobbies. FML

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28802

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By anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

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48953

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3699

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my lip pierced. By the orthodontist. FML

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41215

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3224

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By rutho - United States

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

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20865

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208439

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By bluebride - United States

Today, I got married. My mother told me to stop being difficult, because she was the mother of the bride, and it was her day to shine. FML

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42644

You deserved it

3022

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By confusedcatlover - United Kingdom - London

Today, I walked in on my husband eating cat food out of the cat bowl dressed in a cat costume. FML

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57119

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6194

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By Lady_Luck - United States

Today, my friend and I were filming football practice and talking about what guys on the team were attractive and who we would want to get it on with. We didn't realize that the camera was recording everything that we said. The tape was played to the entire team the next day. With sound. FML

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26788

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By soupcrackers - 7/10/2020 04:57

Persona non grata

Today, I spoke to Friend A and Friend B, with whom I'd had arguments with in the past. Those arguments caused me to leave a group chat. When I want to settle things with Friend B, they told me, "Don't come back to the group chat. It'll make everyone happier if you stay out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

763

You deserved it

366

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By dumbass724 - Canada - Brampton

First day at work

Today, it was my first day of work, and I was wondering why everyone was staring and laughing at me. I looked down and I realized that the fly on my jeans was open. FML

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1866

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442

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By Jogger - 19/8/2020 14:01

Stealth bomber

Today, I was standing in line at a coffee shop when the guy stood behind me let out a huge fart, then walked away. The rest of the line turned around, thinking that it was me. An old lady started to lecture me about being rude, while the guy who did it laughed behind his mask in the corner of the shop. FML

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1453

You deserved it

110

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By katshay8

Today, I went to the doctor for allergy testing. Apparently, one of my worst allergies is cats. I'm a "crazy cat lady" who loves anything cat-related and has 3 cats. Allergy shots, here I come. FML

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2326

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By RootalyTootToot

Today, after slipping on my stairs and spraining my ankle, I got a brace and crutches at urgent care. When I went to get into my car, my crutch slipped on some paper and I fell. I crawled back into urgent care, only to learn that my sprained ankle is now broken in 2 places. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3247

You deserved it

234

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By psychworker - United States

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

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27998

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By niabby - United States

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

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45347

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while talking on the phone with my long distance boyfriend, he let me know that he was getting married in August to "some girl" for his papers. After I objected he told me, "well you can marry me if you want." I'm not sure if I just got dumped or proposed to. FML

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51241

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By "lildale92"

So cute

Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

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1662

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

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38199

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Top comments

By Itsheragain | 9

#7893180 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:03

oh lord...i can imagine the shit you hear...i always gotta skip the intro cos its corny.😂

By RichardPencil | 29

#7893171 - Sunday 29 March 2020 3:05

Who the fuck makes porn at 8 in the morning?

I'll bet it's not good normal MILF stuff but weird fetish crap, like coffee or bacon porn!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 29

#7893171 - Sunday 29 March 2020 3:05

Who the fuck makes porn at 8 in the morning?

I'll bet it's not good normal MILF stuff but weird fetish crap, like coffee or bacon porn!

LadyRen | 20

#7893179 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:02

Food porn does exist, for those odd people who like bacon porn.

RichardPencil | 29

#7893185 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:08

I'm sure it does. I'm just guessing there's sub-genres of breakfast staple porn, but I dare not go down that rabbit hole!

By Itsheragain | 9

#7893180 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:03

oh lord...i can imagine the shit you hear...i always gotta skip the intro cos its corny.😂

RichardPencil | 29

#7893190 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:11

Yeah, the "acting" is so terrible, you could almost lose your boner.

Marcella1016 | 30

#7893213 - Sunday 29 March 2020 6:34

Am I weird for kind of liking the setups? Corny and awesome 😂😂

RichardPencil | 29

#7893214 - Sunday 29 March 2020 7:06

You are, but we all have our kinks, don't we?😂😂😂

xaonng | 5

#7893280 - Sunday 29 March 2020 12:40

sounds like you need to make your own. one less corny lol

By bloopaloop | 27

#7893295 - Sunday 29 March 2020 14:35

Have you ever masterbated at your desk?

By Shzusuziq | 16

#7893298 - Sunday 29 March 2020 15:03

If the sets are soundproofed, how will you be hearing it all day?

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7893616 - Monday 30 March 2020 20:03

I imagine OP works at the entrance and the studio is another room.

1known | 29

#7894255 - Thursday 2 April 2020 3:53

And? If the sets are soundproof she shouldn’t be able to hear what’s happening on the sets.

By Jonkbaby | 19

#7893385 - Sunday 29 March 2020 21:36

does it smell weird?

By jkjorn | 15

#7893417 - Monday 30 March 2020 0:04

Ew.. might want to start looking for another job, it's only a matter of time before they ask if you can fill in for an actress that didn't show up.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893462 - Monday 30 March 2020 3:15

Sorry, I was a camera man for a couple years filming porn. Nothing “cool” ever happen to me while I was there. I’m still a virgin. My face kept me that way.