By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 03:00

Too much of a good thing

Today, I finally found a job as a secretary for a small film studio. The sets are in a soundproofed part of the building, but not for the typical reasons. Right through the wall is a pornography studio. It's all I'll hear from 8 to 5 every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1434

You deserved it

240

Favorite

Mixed signals

Basic Instinct

Not a cheating!

By My spit everywhere - 30/12/2016 07:48 - United States - La Grange Park

Today, I went to the dentist. She had a tool that sucks up saliva, and put it in my mouth. She told me to close my mouth, and I did. Turns out she forgot to turn it on, causing my saliva to go all over my face. I had to sit like that for the rest of the visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19832

You deserved it

1746

Favorite

By - 9/12/2018 22:00

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks

3125

You deserved it

317

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I walked into my elderly grandmother's trailer, used the bathroom and went to wash my hands. She had a soft spot in the floor that she covered with a bathmat. I fell through. Right leg up to my hip in the floor, boobs stuck on the counter. My husband and grandmother stood there laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28790

You deserved it

3115

Favorite

By Blah - 30/3/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

58604

You deserved it

6304

Favorite

By really - 5/6/2016 21:40 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, a customer at work was having hiccups, so I suggest that she should try to hold her breath for a while. Ten minutes later, she's talking to my manager about how I wanted her to "kill myself because of my severe medical condition". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12468

You deserved it

840

Favorite

By Confused Clipboard - 19/10/2016 14:41 - United States

Today, my math teacher explained his concern for how "clipboard" should be pronounced similar to "cupboard." I thought he was crazy. I then later found myself saying it the new way to my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9225

You deserved it

1478

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2014 21:08 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41552

You deserved it

4224

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/6/2010 17:34 - Canada

Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33563

You deserved it

25663

Favorite

By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12647

You deserved it

950

Favorite

By OhPleaseNo - 7/4/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

We could be heroes

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

168

Favorite

By juli - 24/7/2010 17:47 - Taiwan

Today, while I was driving my 27 year old boyfriend 8 hours to a Pokémon event, he realized he didn't bring his DS with him. He cried about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45128

You deserved it

20904

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I was looking at my recommendations on Amazon, which included several vibrators. Just a few days earlier I was looking at books on anger management. Amazon thinks I need to get laid. They're right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66697

You deserved it

9006

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/11/2010 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I got hit in the mouth with a hockey stick and lost four teeth. Yesterday I got my braces of six years removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78741

You deserved it

5596

Favorite

By anon - 31/7/2010 17:04 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my cat trying to mate with my favorite sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31101

You deserved it

6955

Favorite

By 2fast4U - 21/3/2016 10:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22342

You deserved it

1566

Favorite

By wannadi - 3/3/2013 09:29 - United States - Camden

Today, I was told by co-workers with whom I have worked for 2 years that I tan too much and dye my hair black too often. I'm from the Middle East and have never tanned nor dyed my hair. My co-workers think I'm a wannabe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40525

You deserved it

2815

Favorite

By jordan.marie97 - 9/8/2015 06:27 - Australia

Today, my parents told me they were getting divorced, at the beginning of a family road trip, adding that this'll be the last thing we ever do as a family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29662

You deserved it

1641

Favorite

By notpregnant - 21/12/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I updated my Facebook status to "It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood." My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33791

You deserved it

13942

Favorite

By johnboy - 9/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10801

You deserved it

36951

Favorite

By breebree-0 - 4/3/2012 19:36 - United States

Today, I sneezed while at the office. I felt snot shoot out, but I couldn't see anything on the tissue. I ignored it and went on with my day. When I went to the bathroom hours later, I noticed a huge wad of snot had dried onto the front of my shirt. No one told me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26000

You deserved it

4358

Favorite

By Grandson - 1/1/2012 13:51 - Australia

Today, I received my first phone call of the new year. It was the police station informing me that my elderly grandmother has been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37758

You deserved it

2730

Favorite

By scarred - 27/7/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57817

You deserved it

3907

Favorite

By Noname - 30/1/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23674

You deserved it

3020

Favorite

By AidenFromSweden - 6/7/2009 18:41 - Sweden

Today, I come home to find my nephew holding pieces of my new $3,500 Sony Video Camera. He told me he threw it out the window because it was a portal for aliens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54686

You deserved it

4420

Favorite

By shitttyyyday - 14/1/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48708

You deserved it

4352

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/3/2016 03:37 - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21128

You deserved it

4523

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/4/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

53555

You deserved it

6336

Favorite

By stranded - 19/5/2011 11:46 - United States

Today, my car ran out of gas. I was 20 feet away from the gas pump and the only person I could ask for help was the attendant, who'd asked me out a week ago. I'd said no, and so did he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34744

You deserved it

15915

Favorite

By cheesfactor - 19/5/2012 19:50 - Bulgaria - Rousse

Today, my wardrobe door jammed, and I couldn't change out into some nice clothes for my date. On the way there, my car broke down. Not wanting to be late and make a bad impression, I scuttled the rest of the way, only to find I'd been stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32818

You deserved it

2316

Favorite

By Louis - 15/11/2018 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I decided to be healthy and drink a tall glass of water whilst doing my assignment that is due in three days. I managed to spill the entire glass over my laptop. I flipped it over and used a hairdryer to dry it off. While doing that, I managed to melt my keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1624

You deserved it

2809

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/12/2016 17:09 - United States - Orange Park

Today, it's the 11th day I've been in the hospital due to my kidneys. My mother has come in every day since to make me feel bad about missing Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9679

You deserved it

647

Favorite

By notout - 17/10/2017 15:00

Today, my 28-year-old brother screamed at me and outed me to our very religious, homophobic parents because I wouldn't let him shock his friend with an electric dog collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4298

You deserved it

423

Favorite

By mainey92 - 25/2/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31988

You deserved it

4474

Favorite

By CantWin - 7/6/2016 22:38 - United States - Provo

Today, after finally applying myself and busting my butt all semester, I found out the school is accusing me of cheating because they couldn't believe I could have gotten near-perfect grades considering my grade history. If this is how society rewards academic turnarounds, why do I even bother? FML

I agree, your life sucks

17821

You deserved it

1161

Favorite

By AKN - 29/1/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24400

You deserved it

3090

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/8/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that one of my subordinates, who is whiny, incompetent, undermining, the definition of passive-aggressive and stupid, was given a pay raise. She now makes more than me. My boss values a complete moron over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1575

You deserved it

241

Favorite

By joe - 19/11/2012 03:13 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22919

You deserved it

6962

Favorite

By Kutakito - 15/4/2013 20:18 - Sweden - Saltsj?baden

Today, my 25 year old brother dumped all my underwear into the fireplace for interrupting him while he was playing WoW. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46294

You deserved it

12253

Favorite

By Voice29 - 26/3/2009 21:11 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend two tickets to a Broadway show that was coming through town she really wanted to see. I couldn't attend with her due to work so she said she would take her mom. I found out later she took her ex. Now they're back together, and I paid for the date that made it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

179520

You deserved it

24759

Favorite

By LacrosseFAIL - 16/7/2016 22:33 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10964

You deserved it

4704

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Itsheragain | 9

#7893180 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:03

oh lord...i can imagine the shit you hear...i always gotta skip the intro cos its corny.😂

By RichardPencil | 28

#7893171 - Sunday 29 March 2020 3:05

Who the fuck makes porn at 8 in the morning?

I'll bet it's not good normal MILF stuff but weird fetish crap, like coffee or bacon porn!

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7893171 - Sunday 29 March 2020 3:05

Who the fuck makes porn at 8 in the morning?

I'll bet it's not good normal MILF stuff but weird fetish crap, like coffee or bacon porn!

LadyRen | 20

#7893179 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:02

Food porn does exist, for those odd people who like bacon porn.

RichardPencil | 28

#7893185 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:08

I'm sure it does. I'm just guessing there's sub-genres of breakfast staple porn, but I dare not go down that rabbit hole!

By Itsheragain | 9

#7893180 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:03

oh lord...i can imagine the shit you hear...i always gotta skip the intro cos its corny.😂

RichardPencil | 28

#7893190 - Sunday 29 March 2020 5:11

Yeah, the "acting" is so terrible, you could almost lose your boner.

Marcella1016 | 29

#7893213 - Sunday 29 March 2020 6:34

Am I weird for kind of liking the setups? Corny and awesome 😂😂

RichardPencil | 28

#7893214 - Sunday 29 March 2020 7:06

You are, but we all have our kinks, don't we?😂😂😂

xaonng | 5

#7893280 - Sunday 29 March 2020 12:40

sounds like you need to make your own. one less corny lol

By bloopaloop | 27

#7893295 - Sunday 29 March 2020 14:35

Have you ever masterbated at your desk?

By Shzusuziq | 15

#7893298 - Sunday 29 March 2020 15:03

If the sets are soundproofed, how will you be hearing it all day?

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7893616 - Monday 30 March 2020 20:03

I imagine OP works at the entrance and the studio is another room.

1known | 29

#7894255 - Thursday 2 April 2020 3:53

And? If the sets are soundproof she shouldn’t be able to hear what’s happening on the sets.

By Jonkbaby | 19

#7893385 - Sunday 29 March 2020 21:36

does it smell weird?

By jkjorn | 14

#7893417 - Monday 30 March 2020 0:04

Ew.. might want to start looking for another job, it's only a matter of time before they ask if you can fill in for an actress that didn't show up.

By WistayShlaio82 | 13

#7893462 - Monday 30 March 2020 3:15

Sorry, I was a camera man for a couple years filming porn. Nothing “cool” ever happen to me while I was there. I’m still a virgin. My face kept me that way.