Work, Health and Transportation: Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2925

You deserved it

221

Tweet

Share

QUIET PLEASE

Projection

Left hanging

By notsohot

Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1225

You deserved it

2079

Tweet

Share

By - France

Today, I'm still in love with my ex boyfriend who is going out with someone else. But at least I now know that he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38551

You deserved it

4291

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, on my 21st birthday, a relative asked me if I was still engaged to the love of my life. The man I spent several years with, gave my virginity to, moved across the country for, who promised to marry me before my 21st, and who swore he was over his ex for good. No, but thanks for asking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40410

You deserved it

8076

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

This woman's work

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1094

You deserved it

77

Tweet

Share

By "of fucking course"

Creeper Alert

Today, I was feeling a little frisky and started making out with my husband on our couch. He had just taken off my shirt when a strange smell hit my nose. I turned my head and saw my alcoholic neighbor with a cigarette in his hand, watching the entire thing unfold. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6964

You deserved it

859

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 23:00

Stuck in TV Hell

Today, I'm self isolating with a mother who hogs the remote but doesn't know how to use it, and is so short-sighted she can barely see the TV. Every five minutes, I hear, "What have I done now?", "How have I got onto this then?" and she won't let me help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1436

You deserved it

169

Tweet

Share

By

The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2601

You deserved it

787

Tweet

Share

By notwasted39 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54824

You deserved it

3073

Tweet

Share

By justin_99 - Canada

Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27944

You deserved it

3046

Tweet

Share

By unprofessional - United States - Portland

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17914

You deserved it

24308

Tweet

Share

By Anoymous - United States - Burlingame

Today, after telling my mother-in-law about my recent miscarriage, she cheerfully made a cake to celebrate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54533

You deserved it

3659

Tweet

Share

By Pandathepilot

Say hello to my plastic friend!

Today, my principal made me visit "anti-violence" classes because I had a picture of me threatening a man with a gun on my Facebook page. It was taken during the school play, where I was acting as a gangster and the gun was just a toy. The principal saw the play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4521

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By Nightshade823 - United States

Today, I finally lost my virginity. I also found out the side effects of my antidepressants: It's hard for me to get it up, and I can't orgasm. When I finally got it up, I went so long, it ended with her saying, "Yeah, you should stop now, I'm numb." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13223

You deserved it

1089

Tweet

Share

By Justincredible69 - United States

Today, I was legitimately sick so I called in to work. Apparently, 4 other guys on my line called in too. My boss thought we planned it. Now we're all written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25856

You deserved it

1506

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Honolulu

Today, I reconnected with my best friend from childhood, and after a tearful confession, found out that for most of my engagement to my husband, she was repeatedly connecting with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46650

You deserved it

3120

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Israel - Netanya

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been cheating on me with two different guys. Her incredibly moving excuse was that she was getting "more experience" so she could please me better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46389

You deserved it

3824

Tweet

Share

By LALALALA - United States

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24110

You deserved it

48754

Tweet

Share

By kat - United States - Ocala

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31579

You deserved it

2268

Tweet

Share

By nalathelionqueen - United States - North Hills

Today, the summer camp I work at had its annual scavenger hunt, wherein the counselors hide and the kids look for us. It was my first year there, so some of my colleagues showed me the "best hiding spot." Two hours later, still undiscovered, I realized they just wanted to get rid of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26435

You deserved it

3065

Tweet

Share

By ew. - Canada

TMI

Today, I learned that I was conceived on a public bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45142

You deserved it

4836

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Grab the balls by the horn, dude

Today, the only girl I've ever had eyes for said she can't find any good single men, all while sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1394

You deserved it

476

Tweet

Share

By Chard of Glass - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11576

You deserved it

1155

Tweet

Share

By daddyowl - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25846

You deserved it

2986

Tweet

Share

By naughtyshirt - Australia

Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39735

You deserved it

4478

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend decided it was funny to burp in my face. The burp was actually vomit. We were in the food court at the mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34064

You deserved it

2698

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Wedding dress

Today, I walked down the aisle when a bug flew into my mouth. In a response, I threw up on my beautiful white wedding dress. I had to party and be in the pictures in someones spare pink dress for the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2135

You deserved it

234

Tweet

Share

By blow away - United States - Middletown

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43137

You deserved it

4538

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30756

You deserved it

3302

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/6/2020 17:01

OK sweaty, time for a bath

Today, I realized my morbidly obese, sweaty sibling is the source of a strange waft I've been smelling when I get home. He'll only shower once a week, so the apartment and furniture smell like sweat and sometimes poo, especially on hot days. I didn't notice until I went outside and stepped back in to follow my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1741

You deserved it

120

Tweet

Share

By sadface - United States

Today, I was dumped by my girlfriend due to our long distance relationship. She then agreed to date my best friend who lives in the same town as me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39270

You deserved it

3441

Tweet

Share

By OhDeary - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41267

You deserved it

9681

Tweet

Share

By American idol

Today, I was at a local talent show and during a piano performance I had to go to the bathroom. I sang along in the bathroom but was unaware how loud I was until I walked out and everyone started applauding me while the pianist was still playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11587

You deserved it

36853

Tweet

Share

By Shampoodle

Today, I found out that my mom uses my incredibly expensive conditioner to wash her two dogs every single weekend. No wonder they smell so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3288

You deserved it

383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

(facepalm)

Today, while working roadside assistance, I arrived to a bewildered client who couldn't find their spare tire. The vehicle in question was a Jeep. I pointed out the spare, but was corrected as "that's just for decoration." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4815

You deserved it

285

Tweet

Share

By Sigh - Australia

Today, I went to visit my parents. Dad went on a religious tirade, and Mum got sick of him and pelted a Brazil nut at his head. Dad then lost his shit, and told Mum to go to her room and pray. I now remember why I moved out of home in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38583

You deserved it

3486

Tweet

Share

By feeling fed up - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4696

You deserved it

562

Tweet

Share

By Teaching26 - United States

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31041

You deserved it

17450

Tweet

Share

By Lady Julia KaNeko - United States - Meridian

Today, after going to bed at a decent time last night so I could get up early, I overslept. Not only that, I thought today was the day of my job interview, so I rushed to get ready and go. As I parked in the parking lot, I realized today was the day before said interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1389

You deserved it

416

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in the car while the car was running because I got out to get the parking ticket attached to my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13380

You deserved it

26324

Tweet

Share

By GDubeau24 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45966

You deserved it

2845

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By davecross | 11

#7549615 - Saturday 7 October 2017 2:56

Thats considered assault. If you got minor burns let it go but if you really got hurt I would press charges.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7549609 - Saturday 7 October 2017 1:37

New business venture. "Uber Assholes"

COMMENTS

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7549607 - Saturday 7 October 2017 1:36

Drive through delivery--you're doing it all wrong.

By Donut_Wizard | 23

#7549609 - Saturday 7 October 2017 1:37

New business venture. "Uber Assholes"

By davecross | 11

#7549615 - Saturday 7 October 2017 2:56

Thats considered assault. If you got minor burns let it go but if you really got hurt I would press charges.

Reply

piinksock | 17

#7549885 - Saturday 7 October 2017 22:56

On who? The complete stranger in a public place who left after the act

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7549700 - Saturday 7 October 2017 12:16

I hope you chased that fucker down and put him to sleep.