Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing... - FML

By Anonymous - 15/3/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

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Honesty is the best policy

Emergency haircut

Who's a good boy?

By Hairytoes - 7/10/2011 10:35 - United States

Today, I could actually feel my toe hairs flapping in the breeze. I'm a girl. FML

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By Not-so-good-gymnast - 27/9/2009 08:35 - Australia

Today, I removed the safety padding from around the trampoline because it seemed useless. This afternoon, I did a backflip, got my hair stuck in the springs, ripped out a chunk of my hair, and face planted it into the brick pavers. FML

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By jobless - 8/9/2016 18:18 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, after a month at my new job, my boss fired me because I didn't have enough experience. She hired me with full knowledge of this fact. FML

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By PmS - 8/3/2009 07:16 - United States

Today, I was going over to my friends house for dinner, (it was my birthday) when I walked in everyone yelled surprise and then turned on the lights. When my friend looked over at me she said "wrong person guys, turn off the lights". FML

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By newdriver - 11/5/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

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By Remember the parking brake - 6/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

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By unicornlovet - 23/2/2019 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

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By CapeRanger - 4/10/2009 18:13 - South Africa

Today, I drove my cousin to her wedding. The photographer said I was too ugly for the official photos so they searched the crowd for a good looking guy to pose as the driver in my new car. No one in the crowd stopped to defend me. My mom told me it's my own fault. FML

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By masterfail - 4/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, I walked into school confident about the new hair color I'd had done over the weekend. My drama teacher apparently dyed her hair the same color; everyone noticed and thought I'd copied her. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2014 15:30 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2014 16:54 - Canada - Delta

Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML

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By Nottheprettylady - 5/4/2009 01:07 - Canada

Today, at my job as a cashier, a man and his 3-year old son got in line. The father said, "Give this to the pretty lady," looking at me. The kid looks at me, looks at his dad, and walks over to the next cashier. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I was in gym class talking to a guy I like. My friend then decided to come up behind me and pants me, pulling down my underwear along with them. His only comment? "Someone needs to shave." FML

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By LFE - 16/10/2013 04:40 - United States - Liberty Hill

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

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By SK8WITME - 12/2/2016 18:22 - India

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day - 10/8/2018 13:00

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2020 15:00

Cleanliness is next to someone else

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2018 18:30

Today, my fiancé accused me of cheating and broke up with me. I texted his best friend, who I've never talked to before, to see if he could talk some sense into my ex. Turns out he has several fiancées and was cheating on me since day one. FML

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By Whyis Dremora - 30/9/2018 15:00 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was abruptly woken by a scratching at my butthole that felt like a spider with a million legs. I've never leapt out of bed so fast. When my partner shined a light on the bed, we discovered it was a cockroach. FML

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By Tancred - 15/9/2011 07:36 - Canada

Today, at my job serving, I went to clear the plates when the guy said, "Hold on a second." Thinking he wasn't quite finished, I went to put the plate back. He then reached in to his mouth, pulled out a dark brown object and threw it on the plate. It was a rotten tooth. I almost puked. FML

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By crunch time - 1/1/2018 19:30 - United States - Jacksonville

Nice.

Today, while working out at the gym, I paused to check out a beautiful woman. The guy behind me said "Are you going to do your set or are you going to keep staring at my wife?" FML

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By Glassless - 26/5/2017 20:00

Today, I lost my glasses. I don't have spares but my girlfriend said I could borrow hers. She doesn't understand why this won't work. FML

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By anonymous - 26/6/2016 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

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By juliaspaperbags - 16/8/2009 14:32 - United States

Today, I was at the lake watching a romantic sunset with my boyfriend. He tenderly started touching my thigh, then started shaking my leg to the rhythm while singing the J-E-L-L-O theme song. FML

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By SomeDJ - 12/8/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my cousin came over. I left my iPod on shuffle in the room we were in as I left to go to the bathroom. When I came back she was jamming out to "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon. She won't stop singing it and her mom is coming over to pick her up in an hour. She's 4. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:27 - United States - Westerville

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

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By "levsterx" - 5/4/2017 02:00

Today, my mom dragged me along with her to a baby shower. I was the only guy there. FML

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By Marie - 8/6/2009 18:51 - United States

Today, I had a meeting at work with my board of directors for a potential promotion. When one of them told a joke, I politely let out an amused snort. Then, I noticed my director's white shirt and tie covered in red splatter. I nose bled all over the director of my company. FML

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By Thomas - 20/9/2010 07:16 - United States

Today, I was on my way home on an airplane. The guy I had to sit next to was reading a book with naked girls in it. About 15 minutes into the flight, he had an erection and started to giggle. It was a 2 hour flight. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/9/2013 11:26 - United States - North Easton

Today, my sister-in-law pooped with the bathroom door open until my husband had to tell her to close it, then she came out with unwashed hands and started rooting through the cookies. This isn't even the most unhygienic thing she's done today. FML

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By nerderer - 5/6/2015 02:17 - United States - Duluth

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

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By anonymous - 20/4/2016 03:09 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I asked a short girl to prom by making a "You must be this tall to say no" sign. She grabbed a chair, stood on it, and then said no. FML

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By flymetothemoon - 27/9/2017 20:00

Mother knows best...

Today, I finally figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. Too bad my tattoos will prevent me from ever getting hired. Guess you were right, Mom. FML

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By Chucho - 1/9/2012 13:58 - United States - Boston

Today, my mom told me that she rather wait for the city bus all day, than allow me to give her a ride. FML

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By Chaosfigure - 3/9/2017 13:00

Today, after my driving instructor told me I should pass without any worries at all, I completely failed. I was hit by another car. While parked. FML

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By ewwww - 26/5/2013 17:55 - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I found out where the mysterious bites on my back keep coming from. It's not every day you find an earwig in your loofah. FML

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By Julie - 26/8/2019 04:00

Today, I had red eyes from crying, and everyone assumed that my mom, who has been seriously ill, had died so they tried comforting me. It was quite embarrassing to have to tell them that it was because I'd just watched the last episode of season 4 of Veronica Mars. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/1/2012 18:58 - Canada

Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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Top comments

By AkManiak | 0

#949176 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:35

ha, now that's a true gamer

By persianality | 0

#949119 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

Comments

By UberDood777 | 0

#949104 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:20

Shutup troll

Reply

cgysoccerfreak | 0

#949844 - Monday 15 March 2010 14:57

ya you hear that how would you like that for a change

Reply

bubbles987 | 0

#1691909 - Saturday 13 November 2010 5:13

I lost the game.

By antoa64 | 0

#949115 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

bitch yo ass gettin played!

Reply

Rickymonkeypants | 0

#949459 - Monday 15 March 2010 12:18

no it's just that
super Mario>boobies

Reply

MyStarrz | 0

#952561 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 5:08

Luigi > super mario + boobies

Reply

thisismitch | 3

#952800 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:41

win

By Jellytastic | 0

#949116 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

lol wtheck O_I

Reply

cyberotter | 0

#949679 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:35

his princess was In another castel.

By persianality | 0

#949119 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

By samantha_durano | 5

#949120 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

hahah, uhmmm cuute?

Reply

fualignment | 0

#949161 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:31

not as cute as you!

Reply

samantha_durano | 5

#949180 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:36

why thankyou:)

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#949353 - Monday 15 March 2010 10:47

what's with guys hitting on girls on fml comment boards in the past few days??!!

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#949429 - Monday 15 March 2010 11:47

pfft.thats life.

Reply

cyberotter | 0

#949685 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:37

they think they only have a chance when the girls can't see them

Reply

fireflies2012 | 0

#949980 - Monday 15 March 2010 16:07

87 win

By ilovewhoppers | 0

#949124 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:24

hahahahha ahhh I pissed myself a lil reading this I was wearing a diaper so it's all good

By anerdslover | 0

#949127 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:25

wtf?? FYL

Reply

daniel1_1 | 13

#952064 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 2:54

Just 1 word, LOL

By lickmyjock | 0

#949137 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

damn how enlarged were they?

By robdoggstge | 0

#949144 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

lol wow Ima do that just for the he'll of it

Reply

rgt154 | 0

#949168 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:33

haha sumthing I'd think about doing, dunno if I'd actually do it tho lol. and num 11, don't u just hate iPhone autocorrect sumtimes?

Reply

ChrisCTL | 0

#949717 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:55

I will comment and say yes. I hate when it corrects hell to he'll. LOL

By quelbaby | 0

#949151 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:29

lol omg that's funny, also something my boyfriend would do >:-( lol