Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Serious times

Countdown

By puppylove - United States

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the elevator with my new boss. He asked things like "How are you?" "How's your day going?" and "What's for dinner?" I answered everything and tried to make small talk. I then noticed that he was wearing a bluetooth and was talking to someone else. FML

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By Shane

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

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By noooo - United States

Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle says: "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my match maker is my uncle. FML

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By Gem - Australia

Today, my Dad thought "Joseph" and "Francis" were two people hacking our internet. They are actually the names of my laptop and iPod, which have now been blocked from using our modem. He can't figure out how to unblock them. FML

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By Sidney - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against him when he reached around, grabbed my boobs, and started making "pew-pew" laser noises, all in front of his family. I can't believe I'm dating this child. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

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By 2fast4U - Canada - Vancouver

Today, some of my coworkers have complained that I don't do my share of the work, though they can't specify exactly what I'm not getting done. Apparently, being too efficient and finishing first means I mustn't have done anything at all. The supervisor sided with them. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/11/2020 14:02

Can't see for shit

Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML

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By um...no? i don't think so anyway - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Fairfield

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

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By marisacb - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. Depressed, I started telling her about my terrible week. A woman came over and asked me to not be so "whiny and negative" in front of her children. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

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By LosTits - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

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By Mayo

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

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By Anonymous - South Africa - Port Elizabeth

Today, my mum wants me to see a psychologist because I've been acting strange lately. If by "strange" she means "not wanting to die any more", then sure. But thanks, I could've used that psychologist 3 years ago when I asked for one. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been trying to take money out of my savings account to pay for divorce fees and a hammock. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to use my epilator on my eyebrows. Needless to say I now have the eyebrow equivalent of a comb-over. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

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By scotsgal - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

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By airbiscuit - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sensitive

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

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By chelsea

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

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By itisobviouseinstein - United States - New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Roanoke

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

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By sparklethelette - United States

Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was subpoenaed on behalf of my mother-in-law. My husband said if I didn't defend her and consequently lie under oath, our marriage is over. She said, "I can get rid of two problems in one day!" FML

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By she knows - United States - Honolulu

Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML

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By feminista - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I finally lost my virginity, all while in the passionate throes of an asthma attack. FML

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By bigblue51 - United States

Today, while interviewing for a job I had to read over the physical requirements for the job. Later on she asked me how flexible I was. Trying to keep a straight face, I told her I was more flexible while I was playing sports but could work on it if I need to. She was talking about work hours. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

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By anx133 - China

Today, a couple of mates and me have a reservation on this fancy restaurant to celebrate Chinese New Year. I found out that 80% of our money goes to the wine tasting event that they have, a free flow of gorgeous, decent wine all around. I'm allergic to fruit. I'll stick to my 20RMB water bottle. FML

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By out of the closet - Australia - Wollongong

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

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By littleone37 - United States

Today, my mom and sister both told me that they don't like when I come visit with my boyfriend. They love my boyfriend and think he's great, it's me they have a problem with. FML

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By fuckingcool

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

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By mark - United Kingdom

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a nice restaurant for our anniversary. Mid-way through the meal, a guy at the table across left for the restroom. My girlfriend reached over and swiped the guy's wallet from the table. My gonads went AWOL, and I couldn't even bring myself to call her out on it. FML

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Top comments

By AkManiak | 0

#949176 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:35

ha, now that's a true gamer

By persianality | 0

#949119 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

COMMENTS

By UberDood777 | 0

#949104 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:20

Shutup troll

Reply

cgysoccerfreak | 0

#949844 - Monday 15 March 2010 14:57

ya you hear that how would you like that for a change

Reply

bubbles987 | 0

#1691909 - Saturday 13 November 2010 5:13

I lost the game.

By antoa64 | 0

#949115 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

bitch yo ass gettin played!

Reply

Rickymonkeypants | 0

#949459 - Monday 15 March 2010 12:18

no it's just that
super Mario>boobies

Reply

MyStarrz | 0

#952561 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 5:08

Luigi > super mario + boobies

Reply

thisismitch | 3

#952800 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:41

win

By Jellytastic | 0

#949116 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

lol wtheck O_I

Reply

cyberotter | 0

#949679 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:35

his princess was In another castel.

By persianality | 0

#949119 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

By samantha_durano | 6

#949120 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

hahah, uhmmm cuute?

Reply

fualignment | 0

#949161 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:31

not as cute as you!

Reply

samantha_durano | 6

#949180 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:36

why thankyou:)

Reply

oogyboogy | 6

#949353 - Monday 15 March 2010 10:47

what's with guys hitting on girls on fml comment boards in the past few days??!!

Reply

xXSc3n1cXx | 0

#949429 - Monday 15 March 2010 11:47

pfft.thats life.

Reply

cyberotter | 0

#949685 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:37

they think they only have a chance when the girls can't see them

Reply

fireflies2012 | 0

#949980 - Monday 15 March 2010 16:07

87 win

By ilovewhoppers | 0

#949124 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:24

hahahahha ahhh I pissed myself a lil reading this I was wearing a diaper so it's all good

By anerdslover | 0

#949127 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:25

wtf?? FYL

Reply

daniel1_1 | 13

#952064 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 2:54

Just 1 word, LOL

By lickmyjock | 0

#949137 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

damn how enlarged were they?

By robdoggstge | 0

#949144 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

lol wow Ima do that just for the he'll of it

Reply

rgt154 | 0

#949168 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:33

haha sumthing I'd think about doing, dunno if I'd actually do it tho lol. and num 11, don't u just hate iPhone autocorrect sumtimes?

Reply

ChrisCTL | 0

#949717 - Monday 15 March 2010 13:55

I will comment and say yes. I hate when it corrects hell to he'll. LOL

By quelbaby | 0

#949151 - Monday 15 March 2010 9:29

lol omg that's funny, also something my boyfriend would do >:-( lol