Intimacy: Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing...

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 103

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 111

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635

You deserved it 42

15/03/2010 02:09

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 5 801

Intimacy

Our house, in the middle of our street

Sorry…

And today, on Dr Phil…

05/01/2013 05:54

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 564

You deserved it 5 282

12/04/2015 18:29

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 073

You deserved it 2 913

04/12/2009 17:36

Today, it was my first day with new contacts, but I found out they make my eyes red and itchy. Today was also the day I had a very important meeting. They think I showed up stoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 838

You deserved it 3 356

28/02/2012 18:55

Today, I realized you should always knock on your parents' door before entering. Even at 6:30 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 894

You deserved it 35 201

Brotherly love

By Sad guy - 08/01/2021 20:01

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 202

19/12/2011 06:43

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 412

You deserved it 4 562

14/03/2011 19:16

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He responded by asking for a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 823

You deserved it 14 548

02/06/2019 16:09

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 206

Operation time!

By Murphy’s Law - 04/03/2021 20:01

Today, I went to see the doctor for my daughter and myself. I fell two weeks ago, I thought I'd sprained my ankle but apparently I broke my leg instead. I’ve been limping around for two weeks. My daughter was sick, which is the only reason I got X-rayed. It may need screws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 149

22/12/2009 19:18

Today, I saw a roach on my toilet. I thought it would be funny to pee on it. It jumped out, which scared me; I hit my head on the wall and started bleeding, then I peed all over me and the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 114

You deserved it 47 788

22/07/2009 08:11

Today, I was going to surprise my boyfriend at his family birthday celebration with a $2,000 trip he's always wanted, Ireland. Right before my gift, he had opened his mother's gift, an envelope containing a plane ticket. Guess where it was going? FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 005

You deserved it 5 042

07/02/2017 06:00

Today, a vendor contacted me to let me know that our contract renewal went through. Turns out, I misread our original contract and now I've obligated our company to buy $24k of services, when my boss wanted to cancel it. It's only February and I already know I'm not getting a bonus this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 993

You deserved it 2 529

26/06/2012 02:55

Today, I finally got enough money to buy the car I wanted for a year now. It was stolen today too. I had my car for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 602

You deserved it 2 643

Barf

By Danielle - 25/10/2020 11:02

Today, I threw up during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 161

To the window, to the wall

By Kim - 17/07/2020 23:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 382

27/08/2015 16:18

Today, I came home from a business trip and was greeted by a foul smell. I soon found out my husband accidentally let the milk go bad by leaving it out all day, then tried to solve the problem by "balancing the temperatures" by putting it in the freezer. Oh honey, no. Just no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 605

You deserved it 1 934

17/02/2010 06:30

Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 431

You deserved it 32 944

16/02/2011 23:58

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 765

You deserved it 9 809

03/08/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 586

You deserved it 124

17/04/2015 15:50

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 960

You deserved it 4 340

The precious truck

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 11:00

Today, I got fired because, while responding to an emergency page for the volunteer fire department to help find a man in a field with a gunshot wound, I backed into a rock with the company truck that I drive to and from work. Nobody asked about the guy with the bullet inside him. He's OK now, in case anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 131

24/09/2016 10:02

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 661

You deserved it 1 169

Deadbeat

By Anonymous - 19/08/2021 17:59

Today, I reached a year and a half of working from home by myself, while taking care of my baby, since my boyfriend left me when we got pregnant. Something he’d always pushed for. Guess in the end it was just me doing the pushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 127

19/10/2013 05:34

Today, my boyfriend sent me a nude picture. I would have been fine with it if he hadn't taken it in his ex-girlfriend's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 248

You deserved it 4 740

FML: Uncensored

By LindseyS - 20/03/2012 02:00

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 004

You deserved it 106 463

23/01/2009 19:50

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 47 005

29/05/2013 04:49

Today, an elderly woman couldn't afford all of her groceries at the checkout so she started to take out a few things. I offered to pay for her groceries; she thanked me and walked out. An onlooker then came up to me and told me that she does it to someone every week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 784

You deserved it 6 209

Drive by shooting

By justicewargrave - 16/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 71

05/05/2012 10:06

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 310

You deserved it 2 812

18/01/2010 20:12

Today, I bought a fake "wedding ring" at Target to play a prank on my parents. They kicked me out, saying my "fiancé" can take care of me now. There is no fiancé, and I just lost my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 090

You deserved it 42 940

22/08/2016 11:49

Today, I found out that one of my colleagues believes that aliens built the pyramids. No amount of logical reasoning or evidence has had any effect on his argument of, "but you can't prove they didn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 434

You deserved it 1 422

His house, his rules?

By kikajsns - 29/04/2021 07:59

Today, it’s been a week since my dad has decided I’m only allowed to sleep with my door open. Guess how long it’s been since I’ve slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 81

01/08/2011 20:18

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 286

You deserved it 9 687

18/12/2018 13:30

Today, my aunt informed me that my cousin's only problem with his girlfriend is that she's not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 328

You deserved it 147

26/02/2010 19:17

Today, I saw boobs, in person, for the first time. Too bad they were my mom's and I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 899

You deserved it 8 332

Kick the tragedy

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 18:01

Today, my boyfriend is pushing for sex even though I’ve just had spinal surgery, his reasoning being I only have to lie there, so it’s not like he’s asking me to move or actively participate. He basically wants me to ignore my pain and become a masturbation toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 460

You deserved it 122

23/01/2017 16:00

Today, I found a banana on my bed. It was black and shriveled because I accidentally left it there after I thought I finished the whole bushel I bought last week. I've been sleeping in my bed all week and didn't notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 575

You deserved it 3 808

Stressed out

By mystermoon - 25/06/2019 16:00

Today, at my job in a pet store, my boss had me pull all the bags of food out and restock them so that they sat pretty. Five minutes later, the store is full of people. My manager screamed, "They're touching things!" and locked himself in the office with a cup of tea. He has the only open register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 107

28/09/2009 18:25

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 929

You deserved it 6 661

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

By dumbass stereotypes - 25/03/2020 20:00

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 065

You deserved it 210

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Top comments

AkManiak 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:35

ha, now that's a true gamer

persianality 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

Comments

UberDood777 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:20

Shutup troll

cgysoccerfreak 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 14:57

ya you hear that how would you like that for a change

bubbles987 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 5:13

I lost the game.

antoa64 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

bitch yo ass gettin played!

Rickymonkeypants 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 12:18

no it's just that super Mario>boobies

MyStarrz 0

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Tuesday 16 March 2010 5:08

Luigi > super mario + boobies

thisismitch 3

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Tuesday 16 March 2010 6:41

win

Jellytastic 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:22

lol wtheck O_I

cyberotter 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 13:35

his princess was In another castel.

persianality 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

well I guess he knew u weren't worth it so he started playing Mario to find his princess

samantha_durano 6

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:23

hahah, uhmmm cuute?

fualignment 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:31

not as cute as you!

samantha_durano 6

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:36

why thankyou:)

oogyboogy 6

Monday 15 March 2010 10:47

what's with guys hitting on girls on fml comment boards in the past few days??!!

xXSc3n1cXx 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 11:47

pfft.thats life.

cyberotter 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 13:37

they think they only have a chance when the girls can't see them

fireflies2012 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 16:07

87 win

ilovewhoppers 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:24

hahahahha ahhh I pissed myself a lil reading this I was wearing a diaper so it's all good

anerdslover 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:25

wtf?? FYL

daniel1_1 13

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Tuesday 16 March 2010 2:54

Just 1 word, LOL

lickmyjock 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

damn how enlarged were they?

robdoggstge 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:27

lol wow Ima do that just for the he'll of it

rgt154 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:33

haha sumthing I'd think about doing, dunno if I'd actually do it tho lol. and num 11, don't u just hate iPhone autocorrect sumtimes?

ChrisCTL 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 13:55

I will comment and say yes. I hate when it corrects hell to he'll. LOL

quelbaby 0

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Monday 15 March 2010 9:29

lol omg that's funny, also something my boyfriend would do >:-( lol