Miscellaneous: Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that...

By wilsmith - 01/02/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 534

You deserved it 26 543

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Dementia or hate? You decide

Marriage going well is it?

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 05:05 - Thailand

Today, I was trying to get to my boyfriend via public transport in Thailand. He was giving the driver instructions through my phone when my phone went flat. I am now alone in the passenger seat of a car, next to a creepy old driver, no idea where he is taking me, and I don't speak a word of Thai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 527

You deserved it 5 502

By Cait - 30/01/2017 20:00 - Canada - Olds

Today, my friend figured out that if you poke my neck I scratch like a dog. She has yet to cease doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 256

You deserved it 778

By soonaked - 30/01/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom getting ready to take a shower. I took all of my clothes off, and stepped into the shower facing the knobs. When I turned around, I saw somebody standing in there with me. Apparently, my little brother and his friend were playing hide and seek, and I found his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 171

You deserved it 5 934

By Nelson - 09/05/2011 15:05 - Sweden

Today, I was sitting on my balcony reading a book. My upstairs neighbors thought that would be a good time to water their flowers. I'm now drenched in water, as is my book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 873

You deserved it 3 822

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 00:33 - United States - Newton Center

Today, my daughter had a vocabulary assignment. She had to find five new words in books and movies. She was watching Shrek, so her first word was "thong". FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 503

You deserved it 2 093

By Funyearahead - 08/08/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 585

You deserved it 933

By Kylee Day - 27/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 365

Golden shower

By Anonymous - 08/11/2019 03:00

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 362

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 16:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 679

You deserved it 23 006

By Deadcat101 - 10/07/2012 23:26 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 978

You deserved it 1 924

By TLT - 16/11/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to celebrate our anniversary. He had a card written in crayon with my name spelled wrong, and a basket I had seen his mother throw in the trash filled with flower petals ripped from my mom's garden. Our anniversary was 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 299

You deserved it 5 812

By Anonymous - 02/04/2015 14:19

Today, my elderly dad once again asked me to make a reservation at a restaurant for him and a younger woman he's been seeing. Meanwhile, I haven't had anything even approaching a real date in over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 568

You deserved it 3 389

Pile up

By neverforgetyourphone - 05/03/2015 01:18 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I got into an accident. As I was talking to a police officer about what happened, the tow truck driver managed to take my car and drive away, leaving me with no phone or wallet. I just spent an hour walking home in a hail storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 289

You deserved it 2 908

By moosemay - 14/01/2016 15:05 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, my husband taught our son how to pee while standing. His aim is as poor as my husband's, but I guess now they can blame their mess on each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 496

You deserved it 1 800

By advanced history teacher - 27/04/2015 04:58 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I asked my class to name some West African countries. Several of them thought Ebola was a country. I teach an AP history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 252

You deserved it 4 100

By Anonymous - 27/05/2013 22:15 - United States - Lehi

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 979

You deserved it 3 731

By horsefuck - 07/08/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 6 830

By Rrae - 25/02/2019 02:00

Today, I'm at the ER for my first ever UTI and potential other "down there" issues. Yesterday I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 233

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 12:00

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 368

You deserved it 338

By StickyWicket - 14/05/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 988

You deserved it 117

By PetitPrincePerdu - 08/05/2009 00:42 - United States

Today, I found my mother wandering the halls of my fraternity unescorted and asked why she was here, she told me she was concerned when I didn't pick up my phone for two days. She then informed me that she had also moved to the same city I live in. My mother moved over 600 miles to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 814

You deserved it 5 048

Cheapskate on the run

By huntbluntz95 - 18/11/2020 11:01

Today, I was at work at a coffee shop. We charge 50 cents every 15 minutes of use of our computers. An old man tried sneaking out without paying after being at a computer. As I was telling him to pay for his time, he threw a bagel at me and ran to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 75

By noooooo - 22/01/2010 07:32 - Canada

Today, I ran 5 miles to catch the bus I take to university after missing my connection. When I got to the bus stop, I realized I had left my U-Pass on my desk at home. On top of the assignment that was due. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 984

You deserved it 8 448

By Benjamin - 28/10/2011 01:22 - Canada

Today, I was rear-ended by a girl barely out of her teens. I got out of my car and went to get her insurance details, only for her mother to get out and up in my face, screaming at me to, "Get back in your fucking car and get the fuck out of here!" I panicked and did just that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 131

You deserved it 38 516

By mr_dinzaster - 30/05/2019 22:00

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 1 763

By Anonymous - 23/05/2013 01:57 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 280

You deserved it 4 752

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 11:03 - United States - Rochester

Today, I fractured my shinbone after slipping on a leaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 746

You deserved it 2 267

By Anonymous - 14/12/2011 16:53 - United Kingdom

Today, after returning to the UK from my Australian holiday, I was fired from my job for no reason. My boss told me he'd waited till I'd returned to do it. I could have stayed in Australia with my mates traveling for a year if I had been fired before I left. I'm sure he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 807

You deserved it 2 841

Missed opportunities

By Gail - 05/04/2021 00:30

Today, I told my wife I walked away from a £5000 bet I had a good chance at winning, because I refused to embarrass myself in public. She responded with a Star Trek reference, "Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack, rule of acquisition 109." My god, I married a heartless nerd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 1 111

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 01:02 - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 787

You deserved it 3 157

By CandlesSuck - 02/11/2009 03:44 - Canada

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 786

You deserved it 29 275

By BadTime - 30/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 176

You deserved it 3 616

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 529

You deserved it 6 271

By apparentnerd - 31/10/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 627

You deserved it 7 857

By Rae - 04/05/2012 21:09 - United States - Chicago

Today, after weeks of intense studying with the intent of pulling my grades up, I saw that in fact, they've all gone down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 784

You deserved it 3 369

By richkief76 - 10/05/2011 02:34

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 900

You deserved it 8 308

By hoo flung pu - 03/10/2013 08:26 - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 184

You deserved it 3 702

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 690

You deserved it 254

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 04:01

Today, I moved out a few weeks ago because I was sick of my husband not helping around the house, and told him he’d never manage without me. I checked today while he was at work. The house is the cleanest I’ve ever seen it; apparently he doesn’t need me and most of the mess was actually mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 2 891

By IB6UB9 - 28/11/2009 17:32 - United States

Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 064

You deserved it 6 951

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Top comments

pepetto 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:11

Guess she just wasn't on your level eh?

alexisthename 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:10

What a rude cunt. I would've totally made out with you.

cowgod 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:00

nice

cowgod 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:09

The guy that had his balls punched in the elevator has more skill than you.

igetinyourpants 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:22

OP is a stincky chinese chink with bad breath... that's the only reason that woman was so desperate to get off... lololilolil.. fuck you chinks

cowgod 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:24

I forgot to say this. FIRST madafuckas!!

igetinyourpants 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:30

first your asss mother fucking cunt face

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:40

rofl at #1/ 8th comment I was thinking that!

skylar98 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:54

I agree

nomadxx7 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 21:05

Nice racism igetinyourpants. Plus methinks that the only way you'd get into someone's pants is from roofies or chloroform. Hell I'd venture a guess you probably couldn't even get into your own pants.

RyanKaufman 7

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:00

Nice ignorance #40, considering igetinyourpants never mentioned anything about race. I think you just mean prejudice. You're still an idiot though.

MF12 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 4:26

:) haha me too

cherrypieguy 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:03

cowgod you want a cookie? I have oatmeal or chocolate chip which one?

Skullcrusher 5

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:47

Is that all you could think of? You're a dumb ass! Loser!

beansoup 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 11:42

in the biz that's what we call an"OH SNAP". your rebuttal?

1800getalife 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:01

Hahahahah lmao lol rofl

harshallmeim69 9

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:51

I think most of us got the point at haha.

palasarop 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:01

1st!!!

cowgod 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:04

no bitch, I am first

Lozza 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:28

Cowgod, aren't you good for getting first! Want a medal?

Cthulu 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:46

If you give him one, then everyone who has ever been first deserves one. I don't think you could get even Bill Gates to pay for that many gold medals. But I still want one.

stewie1744 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:02

he was bein sarcastic dumbass

leoofbodom 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:28

he was being sarcastic dumbass

DonkeyDelight 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 0:24

Your mother must be so proud.

IscoreOnU 19

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Tuesday 3 May 2011 7:58

The words in his picture agree with his post.

FernandoTorres_fml 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:07

You might as well stay on the elevator until the top and jump off, because your life is finished.

SubjectX 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:57

so jr. high. go take your proactive zit medication and masturbate to victorias secret before your algebra test.

nolimits 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:08

Good idea - then you won't get zits on your junk either...win-win!

Flutist 3

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 10:34

Those ain't zits. Just to let you know. No matter how much proactive you take, that still nasty.

Laura_CR 0

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Saturday 20 November 2010 6:04

lol!

Hati4Skoll 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:08

you should wait outside her car after work so you can apologize

noPENGSinALASKA 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:25

cause that's not creepy or anything

infiniti_G 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:11

casanova here

omg2funny 1

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:08

Isn't it awkward?? Of all the posts,not one has said anything abt the OP's situation.. no one even on FML wants to listen to him..FYL indeed..

Hati4Skoll 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:09

or slip a note under her front door.

alexisthename 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:10

What a rude cunt. I would've totally made out with you.

SpyderMonkee 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 22:39

Comments like this, are far more awkward.

Otto12 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 2:02

true, very true

alexisthename 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 20:11

It's called hyperbole. While I wouldn't have been rude to the OP, I wouldn't have actually made out with him. Get a sense of humor.

pepetto 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:11

Guess she just wasn't on your level eh?

Tripleblue52 0

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Tuesday 2 February 2010 4:52

HAHA, WIN! Very clever, you are xD

Link5794 18

Sunday 8 August 2010 23:04

Like Yoda, you are talking.

Hati4Skoll 0

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:12

or if you can pick her lock, fill her room with dozens of red roses. then cut all the eyes out of the pictures in the house and replace your head with every one of her family members. chicks love romantic things!

Malinkrot 3

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Monday 1 February 2010 20:13

great, now your gonna give some creeper this idea and later he will be complaining about how "all women are ungrateful bitches" because he got a restraining order put on him