Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, at the orthodontist, the nurse was checking my teeth. She asked me a question while her finger was in my mouth, and when I stupidly tried to reply, I bit her finger. FML
Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML
Today, I woke up to my sister sucking my toes because she was drunk, wanted to borrow one of my toe rings but couldn’t get it off, and thought spit would lubricate it off with her tongue. She doesn’t even live here, it’s my house. She used her spare key to get in at 1 a.m. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
I hate when people find it appropriate to groom themselves next to where I'm eating...
Nakedsquirrel 5
At least she wasn't shaving her pubes, right?
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Comments (59)
imperfectclarity 0
Wow. I mean, your life is really f'ed. That's probably the worst thing that has happened to anybody! Ever!
fawfulster 11
Hey idiot! This is "**** My Life", where people complain that their lifes ALREADY suck! If you want to see really ****** up stories go to mylifeisscrewed.com and quit being more of a bitch than the normal FML users.
AsianHomie 0
this is just like the one where the hobos toenail went into that guys mouth on the bus
Skull_300 0
Is your sister Hot?
realsiq 0
ive seen this happen before, FYL
epicwinmaster 0
rule number one of clipping toenails: only do it after a shower. the nails get wet, which keepes them from flying all over the place.
rts312 0
Ah yes, I have heard of this before, its called a, "clippy eaty." Its caused by evil toenail spirits drifting around the foot and mouth.
Pointy130 0
Allmidnighteyes: They can get some distance, trust me on that.
tmptmptmp 0
precision accuracy. i am not thinkin so.
tmptmptmp 0
mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm toasty
omghehehe 0
LMAO :D....Mahalo (thanks) for sharing