Intimacy: Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend...

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, while at my mom's birthday dinner, I started to pretend to drum with one hand, using my left leg as the drums. Everybody stared at me and started to yell. Now they all think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 365

You deserved it 11 903

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Same thing different taste

By morethanredhands - 21/05/2012 05:56

Today, while in the bathroom, I started absent-mindedly drumming on my thighs. I didn't stop to think that people outside would think I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 754

You deserved it 7 821

By Anonymous user - 09/08/2018 06:00

Today, my mom laughed about hearing me singing in the shower and told our whole family. I wasn't singing, though. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 046

You deserved it 2 956

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 203

You deserved it 56 647

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 19:18 - United States

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 745

You deserved it 37 969

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 764

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 665

By theassman - 11/03/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 147

You deserved it 80 579

By Noname - 12/03/2009 11:24 - New Zealand

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157 261

You deserved it 18 047

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 581

You deserved it 6 956

By Cynical - 30/03/2009 03:49 - United States

Today, I was in my room with the door locked and my mom knocked on the door. I said "don't come in, i'm naked!" She said "That's okay!" so she unlocked the door and walked in. I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 210

You deserved it 37 102

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:34

That's the best cover story for mastetbuting I have heard.. I may use it in the future :D

mexipunker 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:10

Mom: No masterbating at the table young man, now finish your peas. Son: Yes mommy.

Comments

3kitten3 10

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:11

Ha hahaha haha. That is just to damn funny

luvzit 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:57

it's not really THAT funny lol

pwincessa23 1

Monday 6 December 2010 12:08

i love this fml!!!;)

alakomonus 0

Thursday 9 December 2010 16:05

his family are all dumbasses then

ddlovatolover 23

Monday 4 November 2013 5:06

*too Sorry, I had to.

luvzit 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:16

umm weren't you?? someone got a little bored.. OCD!!

CrAzYyYyYy 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:07

your right boob looks waaaay bigger than your left boob...

luvzit 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:20

thanks

ifyouseekamy666 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:32

27- thank you! see? I'm not the only one who thinks so bitch

mylifesucksserio 15

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:35

I don't really see the problem with them lol

MRiKiCCS 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:53

lol ON THIS FML TOO??

jellyybeans 5

Sunday 5 December 2010 18:52

oooh where's vestfold? *o* ahaha and also, lmfao at luvzit. your profile made me laugh.

syddyb 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 19:43

her face must be ugly.

jewban 3

Monday 6 December 2010 4:34

yal bitches are just jealous of her big ****. girls who usualy bitch about other girls showing their **** on FML are probably just jealous bitches.

PSQ91 6

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:16

I Love doing that too

IcyHell 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:24

doing what? masturbating?

Fall3nAngel 22

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:18

Hahahha, nice on xD

allanaskye 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 14:33

*one*

EZPZ 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:49

I viciously play air guitar...alone...candles lit...some Beethoven to set the ambience...ftw

skanksonaplane 0

Monday 6 December 2010 4:47

that's hot

airjordan6_fml 1

Friday 5 August 2011 6:04

Nou

LexSwift 17

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:23

Um?

macskapingvin 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:32

Wow, that is one hell of a conclusion to jump to.

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:34

That's the best cover story for mastetbuting I have heard.. I may use it in the future :D

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 14:54

masturbating*

bladomas 2

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:39

learn spelling #7, and the OP YDI

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 14:39

I got auto corrected you wanker.

BDTM 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:29

mastetbuting is a word? When I first tried typing it it autocorrected to masturbating

iliketurdles 7

Sunday 5 December 2010 15:39

I meant to say I was hoping for it to auto correct me. This is what happens when you go on FML at work, you look an idiot.

solegit 0

Monday 6 December 2010 8:24

You look LIKE an idiot. You do not look an idiot.

SoloAutotunE 17

Wednesday 18 November 2015 1:53

See #8, he's still at work

lafingman0 5

Sunday 5 December 2010 12:39

hooray for a perverted family!

janzup77 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:05

how is that even masterbating. fail. FYL

DaveEPIC 0

Sunday 5 December 2010 13:07

Haha, nice job...

verlorenerFall 8

Tuesday 20 September 2011 22:07

Hand, job..

Keywords

Money Health Kids Christmas You're fired Work Bodyshaming Customers Fat Love Facebook Am I overreacting? Social Media AITA Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Relatable Students Technology Education Mental health Romantic Break-ups Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward

The Top

Today, while sitting at my desk at work, a co-worker asked for my help. It was only after I had walked over to his desk, bent over, answered his question, and walked back to my stall, that I felt a breeze. My tube top had slid down across my breasts, revealing my bra to the entire office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 43 620

Today, I went on a hiking date with my significant other. Trying to be adventurous and assertive, I suggested we take a shortcut through the woods. We got hopelessly lost and ended up spending the night in a deserted ranger station. Turns out, my idea of adventure is not quite as romantic as it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 677

The Top

Today, while in bed with my husband, we were discussing our fears. Mine being the Doomsday Clock. He giggled and made me feel silly about my (rational if you ask me) fear. I let out a tiny toot, and he jumped and screamed bloody murder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 227

Today, my ex shot me. Actually shot me. After I woke up from surgery, I told my manager I would obviously need sick leave. She told me she was shot in the army, and got over it because she’s "not a pussy", so she expects me back at work, recovering from a gunshot to the chest, by Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 106

Today, I had to deal with a guest who'd left his shoes outside his door to be polished. I told him our hotel doesn’t offer shoe polishing, so if they’re gone they must have been stolen. He then accused me of stealing them for myself, even though I’m a woman with feet 6 sizes smaller than his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 948

You deserved it 92

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 446

You deserved it 2 833

Today, I was talking with my girlfriend. We both have family issues, so we'd agreed to open up to each other today. Turns out I'm dating my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 186

You deserved it 1 878

Today, I found out that if I take back my expensive headphones that my daughter constantly borrows, she will play porn on max volume, whether or not I have guests over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 981

You deserved it 2 263

Same thing different taste

Play it cool

Lock your doors

Late reaction

Top comments

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