Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice...

By FamilySecret - 29/1/2011 06:55 - United States

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

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Intimacy

British Broadcasting Corporation

You snooze, you lose

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By lulu - 11/2/2012 10:19 - United States

Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML

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By shandrith - 3/7/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

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By crop circle galore - 6/9/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

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By krabby patty - 25/5/2018 06:00

Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML

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By skipper - 12/2/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my room mate having sex from 3 A.M. until 6 A.M. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2015 09:46 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2018 19:00

Today, after planning 4 months in advance and spending almost $600 to cover everyone's tickets to the event center, all of my siblings decided to bail on my 30th birthday celebration because driving 3 hours is too much. FML

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By Ibrowtheedge - 16/8/2018 20:30

Today, I shaved off half of my right eyebrow by accident. It still looks better than my left eyebrow. FML

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By stelno - 18/6/2009 13:33 - United States

Today, my wife and I were out with another couple we're friends with. When we went back to their house we looked at old pictures. They showed us a great picture, and I said "It would've been a lot better if that fat chick didn't ruin it in the background." It was the woman from the couple. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/1/2010 13:35 - Canada

Today, I went out on my first date in 2 months. My sister and her friends were also at the same restaurant we went to. I decided to ignore them but they didn't. As a joke, they though it would be funny if her friend came up and said, "I had fun last night, we should do it again". My date left. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/2/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I took off my sweatshirt in the middle of class. The tanktop I was wearing underneath went with it. FML

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By FuckMcDonalds - 30/5/2018 20:30

Today, while working at McDonald's, I was pulled into the manager's office and informed that I'd been caught stealing money from the safe. When I told them to show me the security footage, they refused and fired me on the spot. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

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By bad_luck - 31/12/2011 15:51 - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

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By sounfair90 - 27/5/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I felt left out that all my friends are getting married or have great relationships and my boyfriend won't commit. I made a facebook up and pretended to talk with this really cute guy I made up. Today, I found out that my boyfriend is gay... he started hitting on my made up facebook guy. FML

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By Anon - 8/2/2017 05:00 - Australia

Head in the Clouds

Today, my 33-year-old brother told my 10-year-old daughter that clouds are made by factories blowing smoke. My daughter laughed at him and he got upset. He still believed my dad's lie from 25 years ago. FML

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By Redfaced - 15/5/2013 16:54 - United Kingdom - Walsall

Today, I was sitting next to an attractive man. Much to my surprise, he started stroking his foot against mine. I was happy at the flirting because I've been attracted to him forever, so I played along. That's when he stood up and explained he was trying to stretch out a cramp. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2012 06:40 - United States - Houston

Today, an old guy approached me and asked if I had ever seen an elephant with white ears. I shook my head. He then pulled the pockets out of his shorts and whipped out his sex nose. FML

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By tornkhakis - 24/2/2014 07:20 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my cat decided that instead of using the brand-new scratching post I bought him, he was going to use my pant leg while I was asleep. FML

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By Jlipka - 22/5/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, while house sitting, I went to take my pizza out of the oven, not realizing that the oven mitt had a hole in it. FML

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By FML - 8/12/2013 18:00 - Puerto Rico - Cayey

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

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By Satan - 15/3/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

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By - 22/3/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

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By AnonymousOne - 8/12/2016 10:57

Today, I took my car to dealer because of the loud knocking sound I heard while driving it. Twenty-four hours later, they told me it was fixed. Fifteen minutes after I drove away, the tire flew off my car while I was on the highway. My car is now totaled. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2011 01:17 - Australia

Today, I finally found the words to describe how I felt after 2 years of depression. I asked on Yahoo Answers what I should do next. The most 'helpful' answer told me to go on a picnic. FML

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By HOPE YOU GET PEGGED - 21/10/2012 23:00 - Canada - Hinton

Today, my mom hosted a high-school reunion. I had to prepare dessert, while my brother cooked dinner. Being the absolute dickhead that he is, he switched the sugar with salt. All the desserts I made tasted like shit, everyone left, and I got grounded for my supposed prank. FML

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By Derp McShitstain - 16/9/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

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By VMV - 1/2/2013 23:53 - Spain - Abrera

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

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By Big_gulps_huh - 28/11/2017 22:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I realized I am more confident running a million-dollar piece of construction equipment than I am around people of the opposite sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2020 05:00

Abandoned

Today, I found a baby in a cradle on my doorstep. I was shocked that someone would do this, so I picked it up and uncovered the baby. It was actually a rudimentary stink bomb that went off in my face when I uncovered it. FML

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By Anna Lete - 12/7/2017 21:31

Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML

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By nekal - 21/9/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/3/2013 23:32 - Ireland

Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML

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By OnPlanetVenus - 4/7/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/4/2016 20:37 - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I crawled under a table to plug a new lamp. When I tried to get up, I hit my head on the corner of the same table, getting me my fourth concussion in three years for trying to plug a f***ing lamp. FML

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By Eimii - 6/10/2009 00:41 - United States

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

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By Failed Artist - 30/8/2015 04:49 - United States - Des Moines

Today, my family was cleaning out our basement when I noticed an empty wall. I asked my grandma if I could put a picture up. She replied, "I don't want your ugly drawings on the wall". I wasn't talking about my drawings. FML

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By northernlass - 1/10/2010 14:32 - United States

Today, I boarded a trans-Atlantic flight by myself, and struck up a nice conversation with the passenger across the aisle. Before we even took off, the man in front of me unbuckled, stood to face me, and asked me to please shut the hell up. "It's a 9 hour flight, and you're VERY loud!" FML

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By asadwa - 5/5/2011 05:38

Today, my mother told me she forgot what a verb is. I'm homeschooled, and she's my teacher. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 06:01 - United Kingdom - London

Damian?

Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML

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Top comments

By InVenereVeritas | 0

#2020974 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

By olbrocko | 0

#2021005 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

COMMENTS

By InVenereVeritas | 0

#2020974 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

USAF_girl | 3

#2022015 - Saturday 29 January 2011 17:53

That is just plain nasty! He has some serious mommy issues......eeeewww.

drcool41 | 0

#2022449 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:54

at least it wasn't a picture of his dad

drcool41 | 0

#2022452 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:54

at least it wasn't a picture of his dad

jongface | 0

#2023217 - Saturday 29 January 2011 23:10

oedipus complex . . .

samandian | 0

#2023523 - Sunday 30 January 2011 1:34

technicaly not an oedipus complex is the story Oedipus hates him self for f*****g his mom and having kids she stabbed her eyes out... how did he get the pic any way... if she gave it to him who's messed up in the head now?

ratso820 | 0

#2023954 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:28

photoshop his fathers head on it and put it back

ratso820 | 0

#2023957 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:28

photoshop his fathers head on it and put it back

Pawned71 | 0

#2024129 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:45

Speaking of OEdipus

JennaMason | 6

#2024149 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:53

good one ;)

Evolution95 | 0

#2024580 - Sunday 30 January 2011 10:31

wow jenna u are really hot!!

flammenhund | 4

#2024646 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:49

its obviously a picture from the internet.

sparkz2010 | 0

#2024669 - Sunday 30 January 2011 12:17

six feet under the garden

jrsgreenfire257 | 0

#2025136 - Sunday 30 January 2011 15:08

Ahahaha its funny because your a MILF

jrsgreenfire257 | 0

#2025141 - Sunday 30 January 2011 15:09

Comment 60...

swagerific227 | 0

#2027963 - Monday 31 January 2011 6:54

maybe his mom's a milf

Drikstar | 2

#2032277 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:42

haha

Drikstar | 2

#2032282 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:44

haha to 204^^ and I agree

toatsMAgoats | 5

#5831605 - Sunday 19 January 2014 0:37

Dude your a creep.

By Miss_Michaela | 10

#2020976 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

O.M.G. You sure the photo is of his Mother?

banana_buddy | 6

#2022567 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:14

WINCEST!!!

KayBizz | 0

#2023704 - Sunday 30 January 2011 2:55

that motherfucker!

breena25 | 0

#2024221 - Sunday 30 January 2011 7:35

MILF! MILF!! TOTAL MILF!! or in this case: MHLF

AZMarine | 0

#2024618 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:12

OP, ydi for looking

TheShadesMaster | 0

#2027588 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:57

I smell a 3some

Dennisse_47 | 17

#2191922 - Thursday 17 March 2011 3:49

hahaha 170, I laughed harder than I should have when I read that. lol

By sappy0 | 5

#2020980 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:08

Holy God OP, just RUN FFS!!!

By olbrocko | 0

#2021005 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

justinfailz | 0

#2024058 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:14

lmao

ahhmusic | 8

#2174734 - Saturday 12 March 2011 2:48

I love you for saying that :)

By imaboss_69inital | 0

#2021009 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

was she hot?

By stingray626 | 0

#2021019 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

that is down right disguisting u gotta pervert on ur hands hahaha
u should hide it nd see how he reacts lol

Hunter148Cassie | 0

#2024120 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:42

There's no "I" in disgusting.

Hunter148Cassie | 0

#2024126 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:44

There's no "I" in disgusting

Link_Asriel | 0

#2024619 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:14

Actually there are two "I" in disgusting

xX_LilSammie_Xx | 4

#2189722 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:55

win.

By daydreamerxo | 5

#2021025 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

ew...

By stingray626 | 0

#2021027 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

that is down right disguisting u gotta pervert on ur hands hahaha
u should hide it nd see how he reacts lol

By lilmzdana | 0

#2021028 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:13

WTF?!?! ... run away noooww

By TheIndieStar | 7

#2021032 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:13

Oedipus complex?

ZeeBest86 | 6

#2027471 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:15

I was thinking Sigmund Freud...