Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice...

By FamilySecret - United States

Today, while at my boyfriends place, I thought I would be nice by folding his laundry and putting it away since he was working late. I opened his sock drawer and sitting on top was a photo of his mother, naked. FML

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Intimacy

Season finale

Basic Instinct

Do as I say, not as I do

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I walked in on my parents necking in the living room. I promptly covered my eyes and muttered something about my innocence being stolen from me. My dad looked up from the couch, and mentioned that he had heard my innocence being stolen by Jake, my boyfriend from 2 years ago. FML

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By Creep - Canada

Today, me and my friend decided to spy on my crush. He lives across the street, so we climbed on the roof of my house and watched him with binoculars. He was working out, and after 5 minutes he started writing something. He put a piece of paper against the window and it said, 'Stop watching me.' FML

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By matou - France - Caluire

Today, I was late for work, so I grabbed my handbag, my sports bag and ran out. The bus arrived at the stop just as I did, so I hopped on and sat down, trying to catch my breath. I dumped my bags onto my knees and looked down to see my cat, staring back at me from inside my sports bag. FML

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By miss Suzanne - United States

Today, I got a brand new couch. My husband told me to keep our puppy off of it so we could keep it nice. She jumped on it, and as I picked her up to put her back on the floor, her claws dragged across it and ripped 2 of the cushions. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Atlanta

Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML

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By NewlyDread - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML

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By Eww - United States - Salem

Today, a girl puked on me. No warnings, nothing. She just threw up on me, then walked off like nothing even happened. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

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By ToddesPizza - United States - Coos Bay

Today, I haven't shaved for so long the hair on my legs has split ends. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Fiancé of the year

Today, I found out that my fiancé of three years, with whom I share a child, fell in love with my best friend and they’ve been going on dates for the last four months after work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML

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By Jakesssss - United States - Hudson

Today, I showed a kid how to knock somebody out for self defense. He then knocked me unconscious with the same method I'd just showed him. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 14:01

No excuse

Today, I missed my chance to see my mum for the last time because my son is such a selfish druggie, he couldn’t be bothered to stay sober long enough to pass on the message from the hospital that she was deteriorating fast, and likely only had a few hours left. FML

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By readytomingle - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

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By fartmaster - United States

Today, I was in a tour group going through a cave and our guide stopped, turned off the lights, and told us to be quiet so we could feel absolute silence. I farted. FML

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By Bartender - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

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By nice education you've got there - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

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By Anonymous

Today, unbeknownst to me, my wife cancelled our airplane tickets because she didn't want to face her fear of flying like we had agreed. Now, we're going to have to take another week off so I can drive 3000 miles cross country, while she sleeps in the shotgun seat because her licence expired. FML

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By Gracie

Today, I was having a cigarette in a smoking area when a mother with a pram strode towards me and exaggerated a cough to make some sort of point. Reluctantly, I put it out and walked off. I then turned around to see her lighting up a cigarette, and blowing smoke all over her baby. FML

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By Sinnersinner - United States - Ontario

Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was about to orgasm, the gold crucifix came flying off his necklace and sliced my eyelid open. Message received. Well played, God. FML

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By blackchin III - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at the breakfast table my mum asked me what I thought about the plumber who came to our place a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I thought he was really cute and how hard I tried to flirt with him, she nodded and told me that he is her new boyfriend and might move in with us soon. FML

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By David H.

Check 'em

Today, I saw my first boobs ever, at 18, volunteering at a retirement home. FML

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By Arrgh - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was giving a friend a neck rub, when she started to breathe heavily. So I figured she was getting into it, so I started kissing her neck, she then turns around and says "Tell my room mate I'm having an asthma attack." FML

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By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

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By Misbah Akhtar - 21/11/2020 12:59 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Child's play

Today, my 6 year-old bought down a card. On it was a turd belonging to my 4 year-old son. She got excited and grossed out, and threw it on the rug. FML

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By momoftheyearedition - United States - Landenberg

Today, my 5-year-old won't stop princess-waving at people. This would be fine, but she looks exactly like she is giving the Nazi salute. I got dirty looks from nearly everyone at the supermarket. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I realised just how lazy I am, when I was about to masturbate, but decided not to because I didn't want to put in the effort. FML

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By Skullie - United States

Today, my boyfriend poked me on Facebook. I got excited because this is as close as he's come to touching me in weeks. FML

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By belladonna1025 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

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By sninapeters - United States

Today, I realized that I've been intentionally causing arguments with my husband because the spare bed is more comfortable. FML

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By Maestro - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

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By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/7/2020 14:01

Kitchen Nightmares

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

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By Anonymous - Spain

Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Nutley

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

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Top comments

By InVenereVeritas | 0

#2020974 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

By olbrocko | 0

#2021005 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

COMMENTS

By InVenereVeritas | 0

#2020974 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

USAF_girl | 3

#2022015 - Saturday 29 January 2011 17:53

That is just plain nasty! He has some serious mommy issues......eeeewww.

drcool41 | 0

#2022449 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:54

at least it wasn't a picture of his dad

drcool41 | 0

#2022452 - Saturday 29 January 2011 19:54

at least it wasn't a picture of his dad

jongface | 0

#2023217 - Saturday 29 January 2011 23:10

oedipus complex . . .

samandian | 0

#2023523 - Sunday 30 January 2011 1:34

technicaly not an oedipus complex is the story Oedipus hates him self for f*****g his mom and having kids she stabbed her eyes out... how did he get the pic any way... if she gave it to him who's messed up in the head now?

ratso820 | 0

#2023954 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:28

photoshop his fathers head on it and put it back

ratso820 | 0

#2023957 - Sunday 30 January 2011 5:28

photoshop his fathers head on it and put it back

Pawned71 | 0

#2024129 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:45

Speaking of OEdipus

JennaMason | 6

#2024149 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:53

good one ;)

Evolution95 | 0

#2024580 - Sunday 30 January 2011 10:31

wow jenna u are really hot!!

flammenhund | 4

#2024646 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:49

its obviously a picture from the internet.

sparkz2010 | 0

#2024669 - Sunday 30 January 2011 12:17

six feet under the garden

jrsgreenfire257 | 0

#2025136 - Sunday 30 January 2011 15:08

Ahahaha its funny because your a MILF

jrsgreenfire257 | 0

#2025141 - Sunday 30 January 2011 15:09

Comment 60...

swagerific227 | 0

#2027963 - Monday 31 January 2011 6:54

maybe his mom's a milf

Drikstar | 2

#2032277 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:42

haha

Drikstar | 2

#2032282 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 10:44

haha to 204^^ and I agree

toatsMAgoats | 5

#5831605 - Sunday 19 January 2014 0:37

Dude your a creep.

By Miss_Michaela | 10

#2020976 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:07

O.M.G. You sure the photo is of his Mother?

banana_buddy | 6

#2022567 - Saturday 29 January 2011 20:14

WINCEST!!!

KayBizz | 0

#2023704 - Sunday 30 January 2011 2:55

that motherfucker!

breena25 | 0

#2024221 - Sunday 30 January 2011 7:35

MILF! MILF!! TOTAL MILF!! or in this case: MHLF

AZMarine | 0

#2024618 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:12

OP, ydi for looking

TheShadesMaster | 0

#2027588 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:57

I smell a 3some

Dennisse_47 | 17

#2191922 - Thursday 17 March 2011 3:49

hahaha 170, I laughed harder than I should have when I read that. lol

By sappy0 | 5

#2020980 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:08

Holy God OP, just RUN FFS!!!

By olbrocko | 0

#2021005 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

justinfailz | 0

#2024058 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:14

lmao

ahhmusic | 8

#2174734 - Saturday 12 March 2011 2:48

I love you for saying that :)

By imaboss_69inital | 0

#2021009 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:11

was she hot?

By stingray626 | 0

#2021019 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

that is down right disguisting u gotta pervert on ur hands hahaha
u should hide it nd see how he reacts lol

Hunter148Cassie | 0

#2024120 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:42

There's no "I" in disgusting.

Hunter148Cassie | 0

#2024126 - Sunday 30 January 2011 6:44

There's no "I" in disgusting

Link_Asriel | 0

#2024619 - Sunday 30 January 2011 11:14

Actually there are two "I" in disgusting

xX_LilSammie_Xx | 4

#2189722 - Wednesday 16 March 2011 17:55

win.

By daydreamerxo | 5

#2021025 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

ew...

By stingray626 | 0

#2021027 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:12

that is down right disguisting u gotta pervert on ur hands hahaha
u should hide it nd see how he reacts lol

By lilmzdana | 0

#2021028 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:13

WTF?!?! ... run away noooww

By TheIndieStar | 7

#2021032 - Saturday 29 January 2011 16:13

Oedipus complex?

ZeeBest86 | 6

#2027471 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:15

I was thinking Sigmund Freud...